Five On Friday

1. I am so glad it is finally the weekend! I still have 2  hours and 36 min. to work on 
Saturday, but that's ok! 


2. I have been having a lot of fun working on my youtube videos
! I have actually filled up my memory card so it's time to start transferring them to dvd. 
Come check out my channel and subscribe! 
My link is www.youtube.com/suprblndy

3. I am a bit worried about 
Manny. He seems a little different lately and more tired. 
I also have noticed he seems to have lost some weight. I am hoping 
I am just paranoid. 


4. I have a fun toy 
I have been playing with this week. My mom got an ipad for her birthday, so she is letting me use her old tablet. 
My life has been changed! 
I am writing this post on it 
:-) 

My phone lasts a lot longer now because I do most everything on the tablet.

5. I can't seem to get a dream 
I had while on vacation out of my head. I feel certain 
I know the meaning of it and find myself worrying about it. I need to just pray every time 
I worry or stress out. 


Sorry for the boring post but it is all I have lol. 
I am ready to start my weekend now!

Single Mom Connections: Worries

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was in complete shock and disbelief, but still very happy inside. After the shock wore off I found myself worrying about everything. I started off worrying about the IV I would be getting when I went into labor. That kept me up most nights. Then I started thinking about my baby's future. The first things were pretty immediate...her car seat...crib...then daycare. I realized quickly money was a huge concern. I wanted the very best for my baby. I remember stressing out over how I would financially support her and provide her the things she needed. I spent the summer talking to friends and my mom at the pool. I got advice and took the option I thought was best. As I was talking to friends over how I would afford it all I got some great advice. I was reminded about the verse in the bible that talks about how birds needs are provided to them and if birds are taken care of, how much more will God take care of our needs. At the time I found myself saying, "Yeah but you don't understand." It doesn't matter what situation you are in....God will provide your needs. Obviously being a single parent one of the things we worry about the most are finances. If we lose our job, we still have to provide for our children. If we have no job...how would that happen. Our children are not a bill that we can just pay late or not at all...they have day to day needs that are a have to. I often take a look back at where I was before Maddy was born and where we are now. God has not just provided our needs, but even gave me wants,one being our own place. I still find myself looking around at our things and just stand in awe of just how much God has taken care of us. I open our back door and just smile so big as I see Maddy's playground. I remember saying there is NO way I can get that for her, but guess what...God gave her that through my family. I do thank God all the time for everything He has given us. He provided a carseat for Maddy, a crib to sleep in, a pack and play, diapers, formula, wipes, clothes, toys, shoes, food, and so much more. Being head of household is a huge responsibility and whenever I start to worry about this or that I just remember that if God takes care of the birds, He will definitely take care of me and Maddy whom he loves so much more. This would apply to anybody who worries about anything...whether you are a single mom or a married mom or not a mom at all. Every time I start to worry I remind myself that God loves me and He has a plan for me and for Maddy and He WILL provide us our needs. I wish I could say it always took away the worry, but I'd be lying...I am a HUGE worry wart, but I can say it has helped me focus on Him and remind me that He is in charge...not me and it does help me relax some. I have a lot of work to do to stop worrying about things. I tend to hand over my problem to Jesus and then take it back for whatever reason. Obviously as moms we have many more reasons we worry, but the point of this is to remind you that God is in control and He will take care of everything. We don't see the big picture, but thankfully He does. Never did I imagine I would be where we are today, but we are only here because we let God drive...that's the key :)

Singles Connection

Two posts in one night...I'm on fire lol. Not really, I just had these two things on my mind so I posted one, worked out, and now posting the other one. In years past my mom talked a lot about the singles ministry and how she feels that has been put on her heart. She actually wrote a book about her own experience being single and remarrying. At the time she talked about this hot and heavy I was single myself and yearning for a mate.  My heart has always been geared towards children, and still is, but is expanding to include singles...mostly single moms because that is the journey I am on. I remember years ago when all I could think about was the fact that I was single and how I wanted God to send my mate so we could start our family. I was lonely. I actually ended up marrying someone I never should have and told myself I can make it work out. Guess what....I couldn't and it ended in divorce. God gave me every opportunity to not marry and I chose to ignore them all and demand I get married. Those were some very dark days in my life. You think you can't feel any lonelier when you are single, but I can promise you you can feel much MUCH worse if you are in the wrong relationship. I myself have asked, "How do you become content being single?" I think as a single person who so desperately wants a relationship, that is a common question that is asked. Saying the answer out loud is very easy, it's getting yourself to that point that is the hard part. After I got divorced I was single for five years. I became interested in a few guys during that time and I prayed and prayed that maybe they would be the one God had for me. Turned out they weren't and during that time I just didn't understand. Looking back at that time now, I can see perfectly the reason why one of them didn't work out and I am just so thankful for those so called "unanswered prayers." I'm not doing a great job, but the point I am trying to make is during those five years of singleness I was still begging for God to send me my mate. I was still lonely. I still wanted children. I could say with my mouth that God is all I needed, but I couldn't live it. I don't know the scripture or the exact wording, but the bible does talk about how we have to be satisfied and content with what is in our cup before God will give us more. You have to be a good steward of what you have as well. I truly believe that you have to be content being single before you can ever be content being married. The question still is how do you do that. There is no step 1, 2, and 3...it's just something you have to get yourself to. It took me years obviously...five is quite a long time. I will never forget right before I met Maddy's dad. I had been struggling still with being single and I tried and tried to give it to Jesus, but I kept grabbing it back. One morning at church it just clicked and happened. I prayed about it and I instantly felt peace. I don't know what happened and why it took so long, but after that morning at church I was truly okay being single. I was truly okay if God wanted me to be single forever and I never had kids. Just three short months after that moment I met someone. I'm not saying that once you give it to God that He will just instantly give you a mate....this is just my experience. I also want to remind you that even after you do become content being single and you find a man standing before you, don't assume it's from the Lord. I should never have assumed the person I met was from the Lord. I should have kept my guard up and paid attention to the red flags both me and my mom found before I even started dating him. To wrap this all up,there is no one way to becoming content being single...it's a journey. Each journey is unique and how I got there will not be how you get there. I know the days and nights can feel lonely, but just keep praying and make sure you are praying from your heart and not just what you think you need to say. Keep giving it to Jesus and one of those times it will be for real and you will find an unexplainable peace inside of you. I highly recommend if you are female to read books from Michelle McKinney Hammond. I hate to read, but I was able to read her books and loved them.

I don't have much time to do "me" things anymore (and I am BEYOND okay with that), but I would like to start reading her books again. I don't think I've read either of these books, but I have read Sassy, Single, and Satisfied. I am not a "diva" but as I read her books I certainly felt more sassy and more diva-ish. They are really great books.

YouTube

I am so excited to say I finally found a video editing software that I liked. I downloaded what felt like tons of free trials and spent hours comparing one to another. I made my first video for YouTube last week, but right now it is still private as I am not ready to share our most recent vacation with the whole world lol. This weekend I quickly put together a 2012 montage and did make that public. I am pleased with how it turned out considering it was just slapped together. I have a lot of learning to do, but no time to do it. I attempted to film our every day life this weekend, but failed. I was so upset when I realized I forgot to pull out the video camera as Maddy was picking out her "surprise." Clearly filming every day life is NOT normal for me, but I hope to make it more and more normal. It is very awkward filming in public because people tend to stare. How do you get over that? I don't think I ever will...but one can hope :) Most of the moms on YouTube are stay-at-home moms and have more opportunities to film and put videos together than I do, but I still like the concept. They will be able to go back and have tons of memories once their little ones are grown. I am so excited to start this journey of video editing/YouTube and hope to be able to keep it up. I will still keep my blog going though because this is the place where I vent, share pictures, share thoughts, ect.

Hope you all have a great week :)

Random Thoughts

Do you notice a recurring theme here...everything I do is random lol. I've had a lot of thoughts go through my head lately, but nothing that can make a full post. When in doubt just throw them all on one post and ta da!! I first want to share something I think is really exciting. I've had a YouTube account for a while now, but never really did anything with it. Along the way I found people's channel that I really enjoy...isn't that the point? One of my favorites and the one I've been watching the longest is loraandlayton. I'm pretty sure most of the U.S. at least has heard of this family. She recently just gave birth to her 3rd child and had a home birth. I really enjoy her videos and love getting to know their family. After watching her videos for about a year now, I finally am starting to get the whole vlogging itch thing. I document things more with my still camera than my video camera, but I'm gonna try the whole having a video camera in my hands at all time thing lol.  I just put together my first video and it is our vacation video. I'm not ready to share it publicly just yet, but at some point I will. I am so pleased with how it turned out. It's not perfect by any means as I am still learning the software, but I'm hooked! I don't have interesting videos on my channel just yet...they are just what I upload from my phone and most are private right now, but I am going to start opening up more as I get more videos edited. If you are interested in subscribing my link is:http://www.youtube.com/user/suprblndy

Speaking of Lora and Layton, I have gotten baby fever bad!!! I've had baby fever on and off ever since Maddy was 10 months old. I get baby fever sometimes to the point that I just feel so sad and I just think that's crazy! Luckily I am able to focus my thoughts on Maddy and am beyond thankful to have her. We have so much fun together and she is truly my everything. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with her I felt very strongly about wanting to give birth at home in the tub. I wasn't smart enough to go research it to see if it was possible. I just assumed it wasn't and stuck with the whole hospital thing. After watching Lora's journey and watching a few others, I have come to the conclusion that if I am blessed enough to get married and have another child....I WILL be having a water birth at home. I feel a midwife has more of my beliefs as far as birthing goes than an OB-GYN. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my OB-GYN doctor, but I disagree with being induced and the hospitals approach of handing out pitocin like it's candy to get you out faster. Some people may think that's just plum crazy, but it's just how I feel. A lot of prayer went into my pregnancy and delivery day. I've talked about that in another post, so I won't go into again here. I did go into labor on my own and did not need pitocin. I truly feel had I been able to stay home that I would have delivered faster for one thing and two I would have been able to handle it. I did have the baby blues after I gave birth and I just feel that that would not have happened if I had a natural birth. I really wanted to have a natural birth. I also feel that having a hospital birth ruined my nursing experience. Lora got postpartum depression after her first two sons were born and had to get prescription medicines for it, but with her home birth she has not had any depression or blues. I just think having a natural birth in the comfort (ok so it's not comforting cause you are in intense pain but you get the idea) of your own home is better for mom and baby. I didn't realize until I got to the hospital that I had been in a zone and in control as I labored at home. I was able to move around freely and get in the tub as I wanted to. The contractions hurt so bad and were coming every 1-2 minutes, but I had it under control. Once I got to the hospital and they were so impatient with me and telling me I was inconveniencing them by moving around too much, I was unable to handle the pain of the contractions. I realized my concentration had been broken and there was no going back. It's amazing what our bodies do. This is kind of pointless for most of you, but oh well. I don't think women who prefer a hospital birth are crazy or not good...I do firmly believe people should do what THEY feel the most comfortable doing...that's what is best for them.

Manny gave me a scare last night. I noticed he wouldn't come lay with me in bed. I tried calling him but realized he was unable to get up. I got scared because it was his back end. I did everything I could think of to try to coax him up, including getting a treat and laying it down. He didn't even bother to come get it. He did sit up and kept looking behind him as if he were telling me his back end hurt. His eyes did look a little glazed over like they would if he were in a seizure. I thought maybe he was having a seizure and I just didn't notice. I got his treat and brought it to him and he took it. If he had been in a seizure he wouldn't have taken it. I also had good control of his body and with a seizure he doesn't. I couldn't bring myself to look where he was hurting for fear I'd see blood or that I would touch him and it would lead to him yelping over and over constantly. I honestly thought his kidneys were shutting down. I got down and hugged him and calmly petted him and sang Jesus Loves me one time then started praying. I felt a strong urge to check him out but just wasn't ready so I sang again and kept telling him I was here with him and that he would be ok and he just hugged me back. He seemed very thankful that I was there. Finally I got brave and checked him out only to find his hind leg had got caught up in his harness and he was just stuck. Oh I let out a huge sigh of relief and he went running around like a broncing bull. He curled up beside me and I just know by his body language he was happily telling me thank you. I didn't get to bed until 2:00 a.m. this morning so I am quite exhausted. Well, this concludes my post for now :)

Weekend Updates

We didn't really have much of a weekend. I ended up getting sick early Saturday morning with a stomach virus. I actually was up all night Friday fighting it. Needless to say, I will not be wanting Little Caesar's pizza ever again lol. Friday night is movie night at our house. That's a big deal to Maddy who is ever so addicted to the tv. She wants to watch what she wants when she wants it, so she is so happy to hear when it's movie night. I generally am still working and that occupies her a good bit until I can finish. Before vacation I had been letting her sleep out in the living room on her couch and I would fall asleep beside her on the floor. It's not very comfy for me, but it's a lot more comfy than trying to cram us both in her bed lol. Friday nights around here are just fun filled nights and we do things I normally say no to, such as falling asleep to the tv. I stayed up most of Friday night. Saturday I literally laid down all day. Maddy kept telling me to let her know when I was done being sick...as if I really had a choice lol. I thought it was cute though. Poor thing just wanted mommy to play with her. She ended up taking a nap around 2 p.m. and we both woke up around 4 p.m. I had to gather the strength to get up and get our groceries for the week because Saturday is the ONLY day I have to do so. As I was getting Maddy ready I quickly lost any strength I had and wasn't sure I would make it anywhere. I knew I needed to eat something and all I could think of was frozen yogurt. It's by the grace of God that we did actually make it to the frozen yogurt shop. I got chocolate and Maddy got Watermelon with a bunch of candies. I was quite disappointed that the yogurt didn't taste as good to me as I thought it would. In fact, it made me feel quite puny. After our yogurt and a battle in my head about going home or going to the store, I finally decided I needed to go to the store if we wanted to eat this week lol. Once we got home I cooked dinner, which was lawnmower taco casserole, and then put Maddy to bed and crashed.

Maddy did a good job of keeping herself busy. She was talking to herself (no idea where she gets THAT from) saying, "I just have to color all this book." This little girl is a ball of energy. She is truly very special and a gift from God. There are many days I just stare at her and still can't believe she is here and is mine (yes she is God's and I am just taking care of her on Earth).

Sunday consisted of a bunch of rain. We got bumped up into the slight risk for severe weather, but we weren't really expecting anything severe...definitely no tornadoes.

We didn't make it to church at all today. I really really wanted to go, but I just did not have the energy or strength to get both of us ready. I might could have gone if I just had to get one person ready, but no way could I have gotten us both ready. I attempted to do a load of dishes and a load of laundry, but it didn't work out too well for me lol. I also attempted to make my first batch of boiled squash...again..just not my day cause it didn't really taste that good. I'm  hoping it's just that my taste buds are messed up, but I think I used a little too much water when I cooked them. Oh well...That was our weekend. I definitely feel like I need another weekend because I didn't get to play with Maddy at all and that makes me so sad. She is SUCH a sweetheart! Thursday night she came up to me while I was working and gave me the biggest hug and said, "Mommy....you are the best mommy in the world!" It honestly caught me by surprise because she has NEVER said anything like that before. Those are the moments I will cherish forever :) Hope you all had a great weekend!!!

Vacation 2013

I am still trying to figure out the whole video editing software thing. I thought what I was using was a 30 day free trial, but it wasn't lol. I'm going to have to learn the software before I can really use it, which could take forever, so I thought I better go ahead and write about vacation.

The week of vacation was so hard on me...not because anything went wrong per say, but more-so my level excitement was out the roof! Friday afternoon was a bit rough on me. It was the day I took Manny to the vets to get his shots and drop him off. He never yelps when they give him shots, but he yelped so loudly this time I almost intervened and made them stop. I was already emotional having to leave him...I didn't want him in that kind of pain. I really feel like it's because they normally let me hold him while he is on the table and they didn't that day so he was scared on top of the injections hurting. Poor buddy thought he was going right back home after the shots and exam because we had to go back to the lobby for them to take him back. He was quite disappointed when he realized he wasn't leaving...in fact, the only way they got him back to his "doggy hotel" was me walking him back there. That was even harder on me because the workers grabbed him by his neck to try to keep him in the kennel...that is NOT how I treat him!!! After I got him dropped off it was time to go get my rental car. The Lord worked it out and let a 2012 Camry be available. It's what I drove last year and it's an awesome car! If I weren't so devoted to Honda I would most certainly buy one of those lol.

It's a sharp looking car AND it's FOUR door!!! Talk about NOT wanting to give it back lol. I am VERY thankful for the car I have, but after driving a car in great condition it made me do some car searching and provided I keep my current job, in 2016 I plan on buying a 2013 Honda Accord. That's another post though lol. Once I got my car I had to go get Maddy and run to Target and Kohl's for sunglasses and leggings. I got up at 4 a.m. to get my work done, so by the time I left to take Manny I was done for the day. We celebrated my cousin's 2nd birthday at our church. Me and Maddy were a tad bit late, but luckily not many people noticed lol. I didn't get any pictures from the party, but Elmo made an appearance and we all had a great time. Maddy was scared of Elmo and frankly I was too lol. After the birthday party it was time to go home and pack, or finish packing. I packed as much as I could the weekend of Mother's Day because I knew if I didn't I would forget something and I would never get any sleep the night before we left. As I've mentioned before I have learned I cannot sleep when Manny is not here...when any of my kids aren't here for that fact, so as soon as we got packed up we headed for "Nana's." I was supposed to have taken Manny his (my blanket I got for Christmas that he has claimed as his own) blanket because I didn't know they could have stuff like that, after Aria's party. With everything going on I completely forgot. My mom texted me and told me to bring it to her house and my uncle would take it to him for me. I was SO thankful for my uncle because I knew that would help Manny out and all they give them to lay on is a little towel. I think I got maybe 4 hours sleep before it was time to roll on out. I can tell Maddy is my daughter because she is NOT a morning person at all and it takes her a good while to wake up. It didn't help that she didn't sleep until I got to sleep and so she only had four hours too. She was so cranky and wouldn't let me get her dressed for anything.I think it was around 6 a.m. when we finally left. We were meeting my step brother and his girlfriend in Georgia along the way. It was an interesting drive on the way there. We had to stop twice for me to catch up because I couldn't switch lanes in time to be where I needed to be. On the way there I realized I grabbed the wrong cord for my GPS so I had nothing to go off of...my step dad let me use his iPad and I felt MUCH better :) We ate at Shoney's for breakfast. We got to Panama City Beach, FL around 1 p.m. their time. Of coarse the first thing we do is get our stuff in...look around the condo for a bit...then just stare at the ocean in disbelief that we are actually there. Maddy of coarse was ready to go to the beach the minute she walked through the door. I have mostly pictures to share of our trip, but want to write out where we ate each day for memory's sake...I will do that at the end. I do have videos that I will more than likely be sharing, but I want to edit them first and make it a little more enjoyable for everybody to watch :) All in all we had a great trip and were so very thankful to get to go. Me and Maddy are still having a hard time adjusting back to normal life and we MUCH prefer vacation life where we actually get to spend time together and sleep in the same bed and all that fun stuff you do on vacation :)

 The week we were in Florida, TN got some severe weather. We ran into some of that heavy rain on our way. It made me a nervous wreck because it was raining so hard I couldn't see. Maddy was exhausted and she FINALLY gave in before we stopped for breakfast...or maybe it was after...I can't remember.

This is when we were getting checked into the condo...she was in mid sentence saying beach

We progressed from just staring at the beach to getting Maddy's bathing suit on

This year we tried out a new game...it was lots of fun, but Maddy had a little trouble with it :)

I am ALWAYS proud of Maddy, but I was so proud of her for conquering her fear of the water. She was scared initally like she has always been, but after being held for a little bit and seeing it was okay to getting down and holding hands and trying to jump over the waves to eventually just running towards the water whether an adult was there or not, she got over her fear. Sure she was still unsure of it, but she would walk in it and before we left walked out far enough that her stomach got hit by the waves...I was shocked.

For dinner we did our traditional Scampy's run. It's right across the street from our condo and we just walk there. It is some of THE best food in Panama for a decent price. If you go you have to get the fried pickles :) Maddy was so tired that we had some meltdowns on our hands lol. I got my usual popcorn shrimp and fries and Maddy got chicken fingers.

It wouldn't be vacation without playing computer in bed. We actually got to bed pretty early every night. After dinner we did go back to the "circle" pool and let her play in the water a little bit. That was the bribe I gave her to get out of the pool the first time. It worked like a charm the first time lol. I don't remember the exact time we got to bed but it was around 8:45-ish or 9 p.m. For me that is super early because I'm used to going to bed no earlier than 11, but more like midnight. I slept so good on vacation. Rarely woke up and actually woke up before Maddy, which NEVER happens at home. I would wake up around 7 but snoozed off and on until Maddy woke up. She generally woke up between 8:30 and 8:45 a.m. When we woke up it was always straight to the patio outside. We would give my step dad our breakfast orders and he would go get breakfast at a place called the Omelet house. Maddy always got bacon, eggs, toast, and grits. I didn't eat breakfast until the last day and got an omelet that had ham, cheese, and jalapeno...it was very yummy!

I had to get some pictures of us together too...I had a mini photo shoot in bed.

Breakfast time with Pops and Nana

The big thing this year was not making a sand castle, but making a sand snowman...she would get so mad at the water though for taking away her hole or her sandman

For lunch on Sunday we walked down the beach to eat at Schooner's. I've never eaten their food other than Key Lime Pie, which is out of this world, so I can't really speak to it. Maddy got a cheeseburger and barely ate it. She was so tired the entire trip. We played hard in the sun for 7 hours or so...give or take 2 hours for her nap.

My hair would not curl for anything down there...it was super soft though...I am loving my new hair cut...I'm not sure I've shared those pictures with you guys yet.

I love this picture of Maddy and my step dad...she loves him with everything she has and he does the same. Clearly I got a little burnt...I'm trying to remember where we were eating...I don't think all these pictures are from the same day. The picture looks like it's at Scampy's, but I don't remember eating there twice this trip. I do remember my step dad asking Maddy where she kept getting all her cute shirts...this has to be Scampy's...actually it is Scampy's...we did eat there twice.

Of coarse Maddy adores her Nana too and her Nana beyond adores Maddy. As you can see Maddy got real brave and would jump off the side of the pool. She didn't care if you were ready or not...she always was under the impression you'd be there to catch her. Definitely had to be on guard at all times lol.

Yep, Maddy was even brave enough to feed the animals on her own. The zoo is the only place away from the condo we went.  Most of these are just from my phone...I still have some on camera but I will not post every picture I have or every picture I may want to. I will have to come back and add a picture of the 6-7 foot hammerhead shark we saw approximately 10 feet from the shore. Never in all my life have I ever seen a shark just go swimming by. It happened Tuesday...the day we went to the zoo. Everybody was screaming SHARK!!! I was in disbelief. My mom was able to get a picture of it. Once I post the picture if you have the ability to zoom in, you should do so because you can really see it pretty good when you do. Another shark was spotted a little further out sometime through the week. I was ok and thought it was neat because all of us were still at the condo, but had we been swimming I would have gone through all the what if's. OH!! One more picture I want to share...

Ok, this isn't one picture and this isn't even the picture I was looking for. I wanted to share the picture of the aqua cycle we rode out in the ocean, but for whatever reason it isn't in my photo stream album. Me, my mom and Maddy rode it out to the sandbar. It would have been more fun if I didn't think we were going to flip over because we couldn't keep it straight at the waves. Maddy didn't like it at all and had a death grip on me and my mom. The sunset there is so pretty and this one night the colors were so beautiful. There is nothing like a Florida sunset. There are tons more pictures but I better stop here. Here is where we ate:
Saturday-Scampy's
Sunday-Triple J's Steakhouse
Monday-I think we went back to Scampy's
Tuesday-Scampy's
Wednesday-Pineapple Willy's
Thursday-Captain Andersons

It's hard to tell from this picture, but if you look closely you can see the hammerhead shark we saw