Thankful For...

No, it isn't Thanksgiving but it's on my mind so I had to write:


I'm thankful for:

• Maddy-she has been a true blessing to me and I really don't know what I ever did without her. She is my motivation to keep going when I feel like giving up. I love her more than any words could describe
• My job-I may not like my job nor the time it takes away from Maddy, but I'm very thankful to have one. It pays most of my bills but most importantly it gives me enough to provide for Maddy. I know there are many people who would give just about anything ot have any job and it's not something I take for granted. I've been very fortunate/blessed to have and keep my job this long.
• People in my life-This includes family and friends, past and present. People may only be in your life for a season and I have def experienced that but their words of wisdom have remained in my heart. I def miss a few people frome my past and wish so much we could be friends again, but I don't let it keep me down. I have met new people along the way who have been encouraging to me and I find myself asking why weren't we friends before now lol. Telling me you're proud of me means more to me than anyone will ever know and I appreciate those 3 words so much. I'm thankful for family who has been here to help me along the way and have been available to help with Maddy when my work schedule gets crazy. When I had Maddy my mom stayed in the hospital the entire time with me and didn't go home once. When we came home from the hospital she stayed under house arrest with me for most of the 6 weeks and made sure I was able to get out every now and then because I was going insane being stuck inside all day every day.

I'm pretty much thankful for my life. It hasn't been easy but God has gotten me through every obstacle that came my way (and will continue to come my way) and has made me a better person. I'm thankful the Lord has brought the people into my life that He has because they are always just what I need. I'm thankful that He cares enough about me to provide for me and give me the desires of my heart. I'm thankful that He is always growing and stretching me so I can grow in my faith and relationship with Him. I'm thankful that He paid the ultimate price just for me (and everybody else) by dying on the cross for my sins. I'm pretty thankful ;)

St. Patty's day is just around the corner and because I can't stand waiting much longer I'm going to share a sneak peek of Maddy's outfit. I'm really hoping it fits and looks like I think it will :)

Slacker?

This post is more for me to look back on so I can reflect on where I have been and remember the journey I feel I am on. I haven't read my devotional today, but I kept thinking about it today so I decided to read it. When I read the scripture, Proverbs 6:6-11, I almost didn't finish reading. It's the don't be lazy verse. I don't always take every devotional personally, but I do try to apply what I learn/read to my life. As I was reading the devotional I immediately assumed I would apply this to my current job and that be that...I was wrong. When I read this one sentence I stopped dead in my tracks..."If we are not doing what we know God wants us to do, we are certainly spiritual slackers." One more sentence caught my attention as well, "It is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." That last sentence is from the book of James. After reading this devotion I felt as if a light bulb had gone off in my head. I can say it has to do with my job and whereas I am not just going to make any rash decisions, I definitely am thinking differently than I had in the past. I've seen it happen as well as have been told that if we think we have it figured out, you can rest assured you don't. I do feel that a little more light has been shed on how I will end up where I know I will one day, but it is definitely a very scary road for me. For now I will continue praying about mine and Maddy's future and one way or another we will see how it pans out. I hope everybody had at least a decent Monday and thank goodness we are down to four days until the weekend :)

Weekend Ramblings

This weekend has gone by way too fast! I was very excited for this weekend because I was getting a new hairstyle. I am not one who keeps the same style for very long because it is the one area I do not mind change in. I had been telling Maddy all day Friday that mommy was going to get her hair cut. Saturday morning she was ready for mommy to get her hair cut because she was going to eat her sucker while she waited. I will show a before and after pic:

 

The main difference is I got long bangs and then got my layers touched up and angled a little more around the face. I love it! When I was done I went down to the food court to meet my mom and Maddy who decided to eat Chick-Fil-A. I don't think Maddy knew what to think because she just stared at me a minute. I asked her if she liked it and she slowly nodded yes lol. Maddy was so cute eating her bite bites that I had to snap some pics:

Her Nana was eating a chicken sandwich, so Maddy wanted to make her a sandwich. She put her chicken in between two fries and voila! They make sandwich's at her school all the time and I think she enjoys making them...makes her feel like a big girl :)
You can't go to the mall without doing a little bit of shopping. I already ordered Maddy's St. Patrick's Day outfit from Etsy (I am trying not to share the pic until she wears it, but I'm not sure how long I will last lol) but I decided to get her a shirt from the Children's Place that she can wear to school:

We had a few errands to run after we left the mall, but one of the most important ones included stopping by baskin robbins for some ice cream. Maddy got something new...she got the mini Oreo parfait. That thing is not so mini...it's pretty big, but she absolutely loved it! We had a long drive to Georgia and this is how Maddy spend the trip:

Yes, her leg is propped up on the seat and she is conked out! When we got home we played, played, played. Maddy let out an enormous "toot toot" that shocked us all coming out of that little body. Maybe about half an hour later I found out that huge toot toot was not what we thought...it was actually her having diarrhea. I know that is probably tmi, but oh well lol. She leaked through her diaper and I became worried that she might be getting sick. She laid around some Saturday night and you could tell by the look in her eye that she just was not feeling well at all. 

Today we pretty much had a lazy, stay in pj's all day kinda day. I had plans of going to the stores to coupon, but when I took Manny out and felt how cold it was on top of the rain I decided it was best to just stay home and enjoy the day. I haven't been getting to bed until 1:30 a.m. and every morning I wake up wondering why I keep staying up too late. This morning was no exception. I was so ready for Maddy's nap time to come around so I could get a little more sleep, but I also didn't want to wish the day away. We played for most of the morning. I noticed she got cranky a lot faster today and was wondering if she was still not feeling ok. She crawled up on her bed and had that "I could really go to sleep right about now" look. I decided to check the time and it was only 10:47 a.m. She doesn't take her nap until noon. I went ahead and climbed in the bed with her and she held my hand and went straight to sleep. She slept for a really long time. She woke up twice but she ended up rolling over and going right back to sleep, which is not something she normally does. The third time she woke up had I not been ready to get up, I think she would have gone back to sleep again but I decided to go ahead and get us both up. I checked the time and it was 1:49 p.m. I was shocked she took a 3 hour nap. I heard her belly rumbling, so I think she has a touch of a tummy bug, but so far it isn't anything too bad. 
I also think she is going through another mommy phase. The past two weeks at school she refuses to let me leave. It has gotten to the point to where she won't wash her hands because she knows mommy leaves soon after. She will plop herself down on the stool that they stand on and will just sit there and hold on to me. Her teacher has to literally pry her off me so I can leave and they can start the day. When it's time for bed, she no longer will let me leave her room like she used to. Now I have to stay in there until she falls asleep, otherwise she will cry all night long for me. Tonight I stayed in by her bed for a while, then decided to try to leave once she started drinking her milk again. She sat straight up and said, 'Hugs" but I told her to go night night and she went on to bed. In the car a lot of times out of no where she will reach her arms out at me and say, "Hug." I would love nothing more than to be able to be a stay at home mom. I know it's very tiring, but I think it's totally worth it. I'm already ready for next weekend :) 

Time Out

The time has come to really start the discipline phase of parenting. Should I have started a bit sooner? Maybe but I have to do what is best for Maddy. About a week or two ago I started using the word time out more often. Up until today she has always chosen to straighten up her attitude, instead of going to time out. Tonight she was definitely in a testing mood so for the first time ever she had a time out. She threw herself down on her bed and just boo hooed. Once she started saying, "Get up!" I explained what she had to do in order to get up. She said ok through her tears and then I counted to 20. The minute time out was done she got up and then burst into tears all over again. I asked her why she was crying and she just looked at me and stopped. She finally said, "Cry in there". I have her a hug and for the rest of the night there were no more fits or testings. I'm so thankful she responds to time outs because I don't really believe in spanking. I don't think spanking is wrong, it's just not best for Maddy and me. She seems to be like me and just knowing she did something wrong upsets her.

Valentine's Day 2012

What I had planned for today was nothing like how today actually went. It started last night when Maddy was waking up crying every five minutes. I had plans of getting up early to make her a special breakfast that consisted of:

I was looking for the paper muffin holder thingys (lovely English huh?) when Maddy's bad night started. I finally realized there would be no going to the store last night because Maddy was having some kind of problem. I finally decided that if all else failed I could still make the muffins without the holders so I decided to put the muffin making aside and comfort Maddy. I would love to know what happened because it wasn't just a small cry, her pillow and covers were soaked from her tears. I went through a list of questions and everything was yes. As long as I was sitting up with her laying on me she would sleep. I decided to try one more time leaving her room but within five to ten minutes she was crying all over again. I grabbed my blanket and camped out in her room. It was a pretty long night up until we both got to sleep, then morning came way too early. I realized there would be no muffin making because if I got up, she would have woke up. I made a new plan of giving her cinnamon bread in the shape of a heart. We woke up on time and when it came to getting dressed I realized we had a problem. I have had her valentine outfit for a while now. I hung her shirt up, but apparently I laid her pants elsewhere. I could have sworn I put them in her pack n play (that is my catch all in her room for now), but after pulling everything out I did not find any pants. I searched and searched for her pants and they were just not appearing. I finally decided to just get her diaper changed and her shirt on then while she ate breakfast I could go back to looking. By the time she started breakfast it was already 7:50 a.m. and mind you we need to be walking out the door by 8:00 a.m. When she got in her highchair she immediately asked for her surprise because last night I went on and on about a surprise in the morning, which was supposed to be the muffins. Thank goodness i had her valentine's gift ready so I went ahead and gave it to her. Here is the video of her opening her present/gift:

While she worked on her chocolate I tried to find our heart cookie cutter...yeah...I couldn't. I attempted to cut a heart freestyle with a knife out of her bread and it actually turned out pretty good, but she wasn't interested in it due to her having had chocolate. I did some more searching for her pants and finally realized I needed to just grab some pants that matched. I walked back in the kitchen and it was 8:14 a.m. I threw her pants on, picked her up, ran to the car and got her buckled in. I was about to pull out when I realized I left her shoes sitting on the couch. Back in park I go and I run back in to grab her shoes and her coat. I got in the car only to remember her nails are super sharp and needed cutting, otherwise I would have a note sent home telling me to cut her nails, so back in the house I go to get the clippers. I get back in the car and it's 8:20. It takes 45 minutes to get to daycare and they are supposed to be there by 9:00 a.m. Of coarse the one day I am really late is the day I get behind every slow driver in the world...I mean they weren't even doing the speed limit. I pull in daycare at 8:57. Run to the back, cut Maddy's nails, put her shoes on her, pick her up and grabbed the rest of the stuff and we took off running...I'm sure I looked pretty ridiculous lol. I signed her in at 9:02 and I felt as if the day should have been over. Maddy is having some real bad seperation anxiety lately and will not let me leave unless her teacher takes her from me. This morning was no exception. I realized when I got in the car (after somehow closing my knee in the door which left me in tears due to the pain) that this day was not going to go at all like I had planned. I still have no idea where her pants are, but I'm sure I will find them tomorrow lol. The end of the day turned out pretty good. Maddy seemed to really enjoy the day and she knows it involves hearts and chocolates. 

Sunday night I stayed up till 1:00 a.m. trying to get Maddy's valentine's day box wrapped to where she could decorate it. I bought these cute heart shaped foam stickers for her to decorate with:

I forgot to take a pic of the box itself (I was a little disappointed in MY job in wrapping the box, but of coarse I LOVED Maddy's decorating skills) but I did get a pic of it today that I will share. The rest of the pics are from today...from my phone and my camera. The skirt was part of her outfit, however, they have bloomers attached to them and in order to wear them today she would have needed tights and that is just too much to deal with at school when they are potty training so I ended up putting her in khaki pants that were too short lol. Yeah, I was a little embarrassed over that one but it happens to every mom :)

 I had no intentions of posting this, but after the way the day started I thought this is a good representation of how I felt...like screaming lol. We were being silly and just going ahhhh like you would at the doctor or something like that.

I got a nice surprise from my step dad. We aren't really close, but he got me this rose to let me know he was proud of me and that made me feel good :)

Yes, I look a little awkward in this pic lol...I was taking the pic and was in an awkward angle with my hand and I wasn't even sure we were both in the pic...we both were and I just decided to go with this one cause it was too much work to try to get a better one. As you can see Maddy has had her share of chocolate for the day and she is sleeping peacefully as I write. I hope you all had a wonderful day!! Happy Valentine's Day!!

Here's To Hoping

As you all know I have been dealing with some things that I don't feel is the right time to share...mainly because there isn't anything happening that is definite, just gut feelings. I have also felt as if it just isn't the right time and I don't want to say anything until I know the time is right. Me and Maddy met up with one of my friends this weekend and her son who is only 3 months older than Maddy. I used to say her son and Maddy had to marry each other because I would love to officially make her my family, but we haven't really been able to stay close. I enjoyed meeting up with her and catching up but I also left feeling slapped in the face. I can't help but wonder what God's reasoning for us meeting up is/was. This post goes hand in hand with my everything happens for a reason post. I know that God didn't have us meet for me to get hurt and now I am having a hard time focusing on things I really can't afford to lose. I don't know if I am giving up or if there's something more to how I feel. Last time I felt like I do right now I ended up being right...I went into labor with Maddy unexpectedly. I'm hoping something is in the works right around the corner and my temporary misery can be stopped, but I also have to realize that what I think might be fixing to happen may not. This week in particular I am having a rough time keeping up the fight and that scares me. As someone recently pointed out to me I am not a quitter. I try to give my all in everything I do, but right now I am failing that. I know this post may not entirely make sense to people, but it makes perfect sense to me lol. I really do hope that I can come back one day and tie all these posts together and explain more about what I am talking about. Right now I just need to let some of my feelings out so I can go about my business until more feelings get bottled up. I just feel different this week...moreso than any other week and in one sense it excites me because I am thinking that maybe something good is right around the corner, but it also scares me because it might not be...I just may be giving up the fight. Time will tell. Maddy is having a rough night and I told her I would be back so I better go check on her and get her Valentine's day present ready. That post will be tomorrow or if I am up tonight I will go ahead and post tonight when I get done :) 

Everything Happens For A Reason...

We are only in the second month of the year and I already feel like I've had so many hurdles to jump. Last year was a pretty amazing year, but this year has just been one big battle. When I get hit with hard times I definitely stop and pray and then I carry on through music. I love The Preacher's Wife Soundtrack and tonight is no exception. My favorite song is Hold On, Help Is On the Way but I already posted that video so I will post a different video that is a little more fitting for this post:

I definitely feel like I am on a long journey. I have been dealing with burdens for a while now, but today has been super hard on me. When I initially heard the news I definitely shed a few tears right then and there, but was able to gain my composure again. Afterwards I did what most kids would do and called up my mom to basically say life isn't fair lol. I know everything happens for a reason and nine times out of ten we don't understand the why's right then and there. I have recently taken a look back at my life and thought about all the things I had prayed for in the past and how what I wanted for the most part didn't happen. I now look back and I can honestly say I am so happy those things did not happen. Everything turned out just fine in the end and I ended up even happier in life. I keep telling myself that eventually this storm will eventually blow over and I will be able to take a look back and say, "Whew!" I honestly don't know what's in the Lord's plans for me and Maddy but I do know He has one. I know that He is in control and there is NOTHING impossible to Him. I know that He has provided for Maddy and me thus far and He will continue to do so from here on out. I do know that EVERYTHING works together for the good and I have seen that proven true. I know what I want to happen in my life, but the question is...is it what He wants? I do know that when we call on Him, He will be there...may not come when we want but He's always on time...I will end with my favorite song :)

Ok I gotta post one more...I mean can't leave out a great song can we?