On the Fifth Day Till Christmas...

Today was a little harder than I anticipated it being emotionally. I was for sure my car would be able to be fixed this week and not cost the $2700 I was originally told. I've since learned that the lowest total is $2500, which really does me no good. I will have to have my car towed back to my house until I can come up with the money to fix it. I told myself I wasn't going to cry today, but that didn't work out too well. I do feel as if God has everything under control, I guess I'm just a little bummed not knowing when I'll have my car again. That's been my day in a nutshell. As I mentioned earlier, I realized I could post video from my phone via youtube so I'm gonna be doing that. This obviously was from Thanksgiving. Maddy is so cute! I am so thankful that tomorrow is my last long long work day of the week. If I can get my last 12 hour day done then the 8 hour day on Thursday will seem like nothing. Friday is going to be an exciting day. Apart from getting up at 4 a.m. to work, my niece's are going to be coming up and we will be baking our "santa" cookies. This will be the first year Maddy has gotten to bake and I can't be more excited that she gets to bake with her cousins. The fifth day till Christmas is kinda boring so I will stop here, but tomorrow will be a little more exciting :)

Creativity

Maddy showed her first real creativity side. Maddy has been exposed to people wearing glasses a bunch...her Nana wears glasses to read and see, her dad wears glasses to see, and then everybody wears sunglasses. On this particular day she found like a twist tie laying around on the ground and decided to turn them into her glasses. Every time she saw that tie she would point and say, "glasses." I think it's neat to see her imagination come to life. I remembered I could send the videos from my phone to youtube and then from youtube to my blog so that's what I will be doing...I hope you all have a wondeful day and remember...only 5 days till Christmas :)

On the Sixth Day till Christmas...

I was actually gonna post this before I found out about my car, but now I need to post this to keep from crying my eyes out lol. I cannot believe we are six days away from Christmas. My mom was able to pick Maddy up for me today from daycare and when Maddy got home she came running to me saying, "MAMA!!!" and it just made my day. I could so use that right about now lol. We got some mommy/Maddy time tonight, which consisted of eating bite bites and playing. My grandmother came over to deliver presents, which created even more excitement for me for Christmas to get here. Christmas is actually bittersweet because I'm so anxious to see Maddy have a good time but at the same time I am so sad to see the season leave. I truly enjoy everything that Christmas brings and really hate to see it leave. Maddy is at the stage that she can fill in words to songs and it makes my heart happy. Her favorite to sing right now is "Rock-a-bye baby" I let her say the last word to each sentence and she does such a good job. She has also really seemed to pick up on Santa, which surprises me in a way. She knows he says, "ho ho ho" and "merry christmas" and I think she is semi associating him with presents. I really don't know what she associates him to because when I gave her a kiss tonight she looked at me and very excitedly said, "Santa!" She has really enjoyed seeing the lights and decorations on the way home this year. She also was able to decorate the tree more this year than she did last year. She's done a very good job of leaving the tree alone...last year she pulled the ornaments off and would try to eat the tree and all that good stuff lol. It's just another reminder of how fast and how much she is growing. I'd like to edit some of the Christmas video from last year to reminisce and then compare to this year's...when that happens of coarse. I know this post is nothing real real exciting and probably is not worth reading, but it will be to me lol. I hope to be able to post something every night this week to lead up to Christmas.

Still Smiling...I think

This week just seems to have been a really crazy week. It seems as if the devil is running rampant and he is still at it. I will spare you the boring details of my week with the exception of a few things. Before I start I want to say that last weekend while my niece's were with us, I attempted to build a gingerbread house with them so they could decorate it. I apparently do not apply enough icing because the silly house just kept falling down. I finally just had to divide the candy up and give them the candy to eat and spread some icing on the gingerbread for them to eat lol. I think I need to buy another one and practice so next year they can decorate. So if you are on my facebook you know I've been having car problems. Little did I know two days after posting about my car that my car would end up leaving me and Maddy stranded. I know my car pretty well and realized right before I was fixing to get on the interstate something was really wrong. I did say a quick prayer at the red light and as soon as I could go, my car wouldn't go which told me do NOT get on the interstate. Out of all the places to pull in, I pulled into a funeral home...kinda funny since my car died. Anyways, my step dad checked out the transmission and oil and everything seemed ok so he drove it around the parking lot. It gave him no trouble and I kinda think he didn't fully believe what I was saying. So my mom drove his truck and he was going to drive my car. He chose to get on the interstate and the minute we hit the ramp he was pulled over. When he got to the truck he said something along the lines of I see what you're saying lol. I've had the car approximately seven years and this is the first time anything major has broken on it. It's never left me stranded and has held up really well. I highly recommend Honda's...especially if you have children. I decided to wait until today to have it towed so we could figure out where the best place to look at it would be. The good news is I don't think I will need a whole new transmission, but time will soon tell. It's currently sitting at a shop and I am waiting to hear back from them to see what they find out. So far I really like the person who is diagnosing it. To diagnose the problem he only charges $37.50 and he said if they work on it it will be $65 an hour. Did I need this to happen right here at Christmas time? Not really, but at the same time I have had the determination this year to not let the devil take away my joy. He has done a fine job at trying to break me but I know God is in control and I trust Him to lead me. I still have no clue whether or not I owe money to the IRS so that's on me and then this car expense is on me. Thank goodness I already had Maddy's Christmas before this happened. I spent the day riding around with my mom and boy did we have a busy day! I had planned on trying to finish up my Christmas shopping today so we worked that in with my mom's work and personal schedule. One place we went to was the mall and I was disappointed because the Christmas pj's I was going to get Maddy were gone and nobody had anything like what I was wanting. I found some at Dillard's but they weren't on sale and cost $26. There was no way I could justify paying $26 for pj's for a two year old. I settled on a gown I found at Belk that was on sale and I think it will look really cute on Maddy...or Maddy will make IT look really cute lol.

After figuring out her PJ situation we went over to the Christmas ornament booth. We found this booth for Maddy's first Christmas and they seem to have made a hit. Every year, even before Maddy, I always get some kind of special ornament. My special ornaments now are more for Maddy but they are so fun to buy. I got two this year, one for me and Maddy and then I got Manny his own. Manny is a big part of mine and Maddy's life/family and we love him to death. He is such a sweet and loving dog and I just am so thankful I rescued him 4 years ago. Here are the pics:

It is so hard for me to believe that Christmas is next week!!! I am not at all ready for this season to end. I've really enjoyed the Christmas season this year and want it to hang on a little longer lol. In the words of Santa, "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!"

Hero

I was listening to a shuffle of my Pandora stations and this song came on and it instantly burdened my heart. I have always loved this song and band for that matter, but it just struck a chord tonight. I think it hit me like it did because I have so much I want to say but can't say, but this is something I can say so I'm going to. This song touches on a few issues we have in the world today...bullying, suicide, pain, cutting. One part in particular has always stuck out to me because it is so true..."all of us just sat back and watched it happened..." Have you ever seen someone get bullied at school and you just stand there and do nothing about it? Have you said mean things to someone? Do you know someone who is depressed and you didn't take time to talk to them? Unfortunately I can answer yes to some of these. I have also been the victim of people knowing things and doing nothing about them. What does it take for people to start speaking up for the ones who can't for whatever reason, especially children? That question includes me because like other people I have not been that "hero" that I could have been. Our world has turned so cold- hearted and selfish that people aren't as willing to help other people. This song shows the more extreme circumstances, but it can even be about more simple things. What about that single parent who needs help with their car, or that widow who needs their lawn mowed, or that family who has become homeless because they lost their job, or that child who is being abused whether physically or emotionally. Are we just going to stand there and watch things happen? That two year old in China that got ran over twice is a prime example of what I'm talking about...the amount of people that just walked by as that child lay there covered in blood in the middle of the street. How could anyone do that? I think most people here in America would probably call 9-1-1 if they saw a child bleeding in the middle of the street, but would people here be willing to stand up and befriend a person when every one else is making fun of them? Is it really most people's philosophy that you made your bed now you have to lie in it? Just because someone messes up or makes a mistake, does that mean they don't deserve any help? Basically we need to be more like Jesus and reach out to people...especially those in need. We need to stop telling ourselves that it isn't our problem and start helping each other out. One area I plan to always try to help other people out on is single parenting. I will never forget the challenges a single parent faces. If I come in contact with a single parent I will def try my best to help him or her out. It is my prayer that Maddy will never be a single parent, but if she becomes one for whatever reason, I will have a better understanding of the help she may need as a single parent. I know the amount of pressure single parents feel where jobs are concerned because if we lose our job...who's gonna take care of our children? I know what it's like not to be able to finish school because I don't have enough help with Maddy and I learned the hard way that apparently sleep really is a necessity or you will become stuck in bed for a week at a time sick. Something most all mom's can understand is that pressure to be perfect because we always have people telling us what we should or shouldn't do with OUR child as if they can do a better job. Ok, so I kind of went off on a parenting rant...i really have so much to say in this area, but I will move on because this isn't about parenting in particular. It's just a reminder that people have feelings even if they don't act like it and we should try our best to reach out to people in need, myself included. I think superchick did a fantastic job with this song and I am very thankful for the reminder to love other people and carry their burdens for them instead of acting like it's not my problem...because it is.

Deck the Halls...

This past weekend was one super fun weekend for me and Maddy. Saturday we celebrated my youngest niece's seventh birthday at Chuck E Cheese. This was the first time I actually got tokens for Maddy to play things with and she was nonstop wanting to go here there and everywhere. I have known for some time now that Maddy is going to be a thrill rider, but she proved it again in case I forgot lol. There is this truck that does all the hydraulic stuff and is just super big. She rode it with her cousin Aria and poor Aria did not want anything to do with it and started crying to get off. Maddy was just sittin up there like it was no big deal and just loved it. I got a video of them but it's on my phone and I'm not sure about video from my phone to here just yet so I will look into that lol. After the party we ran home to drop stuff off and get ready for our north pole limited train ride. My nieces were so excited about this train ride and I must admit I was too. The train station was decorated so pretty, but we didn't have time to stop and get the pictures because we wanted to get in line early. We plan on trying to go back to get the pics. We stood line from 8:43 till around 9:40 p.m. Let me tell you...Maddy was just exhausted and it was freezing outside. Maddy didn't understand why the train wasn't coming and then once it got there, it took forever for us to get on. By the time we got on the train I think Maddy was already over it and the rest of us were just plum tired and cold. They started off reading The Night Before Christmas. Maddy was too busy having a meltdown to even notice the lady reading lol. After the story they served us with chocolate milk and a cookie. This was right up Maddy's alley. She was so happy to get her milk and cookie and chowed down. It was a really good cookie I might add. After our milk and cookie we ended up in the north pole. Santa got on the train and talked to every single boy and girl there...all 300 off them lol. Ok so there weren't 300 kids, but there were 300 people on the train. Do you know how long it takes santa to visit 300 people? We sat for a while, which didn't make Maddy too very happy but we were finally starting to leave. Santa gave us all a bell and all the way back to the station we sang Christmas carols. I really enjoyed that part and Maddy even sang some of the songs. Talk about an emotional moment for me lol. Here are a few pics from the party and the train:

We didn't get home until after midnight and it was just a long day. I actually had been up since 4 am that day because I had to finish up my time at work...I was not a very happy camper having to be up so early on a Saturday. When we got home we all climbed into bed. Sunday was also a very fun day. We started the day by taking the girls to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. All three girls really enjoyed getting to go out to eat for breakfast and getting whatever they wanted. Before I go on I just have to say that Maddy absolutely adores her cousins. It amazes me that they are so far apart in age, but the girls LOVE taking care of Maddy and helping me with her and Maddy wants them to help her. In fact whenever they are around she pretty much is like ok mom...you can leave now, I have my Sara and Abby. I love my nieces with everything I have and I am so tickled they all get along and love each other. I would love to have them around a lot more because they truly are a big help with Maddy.

After we ate we all looked around in the gift shop. I have banned myself from there because I spend way too much money. They have super cute gifts and clothes in the gift shop. Maddy loved this princess hat and had I had my money I would have bought it for her lol...that's why I leave my money at home. After breakfast we went home and decorated the tree...finally. I'm gonna post the pics, but they are basically the same shot, but they are memories I want to remember.

Maddy did so good decorating the tree. She was very careful with the ornaments and actually left them on the tree. I think it was because she had her cousins there to show her how it worked. I think every Christmas my nieces need to be a part of our Christmas tree decorating. I think they did a fantastic job! Sunday night we went to our church Christmas program. That is the first Christmas program I've been to since having Maddy. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but poor Maddy did not like being left in the nursery. I'm hoping next year she will be able to sit with me. I hope I can arrange more play dates with my nieces and Maddy and we can think of fun stuff to do instead of just sitting around the house.

My Test...

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34


This is going to be tough for me to write because I'm in the middle of going through it, instead of waiting until I see the outcome. Last night when I wrote about how we are constantly tested and how life is hard and how God has to grow us, I told myself to hold on because hard times were coming my way. Little did I know I would not just be pushed down...I was flat out just down without even knowing what hit me. I wanted to share this because I want people to know they are not alone in their sufferings no matter how big or how small. If I'm going to share how God can do this or that if you just lean on Him and trust, then I figure I better be living proof of that. If I were to tell you exactly what happened in my day to make it so horrible that I was physically sick, you wouldn't really understand. I'm not going to go through every single detail but I will say my day started off with me waking up oh about 3 hours late and the day just went down hill from there. I have cried off and on all day today and no matter how much I try to just say it's gonna be ok, I end up having a small outburst again. I have walked around almost feeling numb but not completely numb obviously or I wouldn't have cried. There are pros and cons to everything. The pro to all the crying is whenever I cry I tend to lose weight...even if I eat too much so I guess that will make up for this week since I haven't been able to work out like I had planned. The cons include making me real tired for the rest of the day and making my throat hurt. One thing I see in all of this is I don't just automatically panic and stress out. God has definitely been working on me that's for sure lol. I'm not exactly sure what will happen in one of my problems but I know that if I end up in the worst case scenario...God has a plan for me. I think I am still hoping God will show up at the eleventh hour and just fix it lol, but I kinda don't think that will be the case...if it does happen...it will be a true miracle. I know the devil is also trying to steal my joy and I simply will not let that happen. Sure I may be sad for a moment, but it's not going to ruin everything else in my life...like this spectacular (I hope) north pole train ride we are taking on Saturday. One thing I think I have figured out is that God doesn't want me moving out just yet. I had hopes of being able to move into mine and Maddy's first place after the first of the year sometime. Everytime I start just thinking about finding a place I get hit with bad news financially so I think I'll just sit and wait like God told me to a while back. It kinda all makes sense really when I look at what He is doing in my life and with my feeling like I just need to wait, be still. I will gladly wait because I know whatever I am waiting on or for will be amazing and I will be so happy I chose to listen. I pray that God will give me the strength to get through the next few days specifically and the wisdom to know how to handle everything. I hope He has a smile on His face because I am trusting in Him instead of worrying and stressing and taking it into my own hands. As they said in the movie Facing the Giants, "I will still love you Lord." The devil can just go somewhere else because I have Jesus on my side fighting for me!

P.S. I know this post has been all over the place and I don't feel like it has a real clear point. The point I was trying to make is that I am being put to the test as we speak. My life went from doing really well to making me feel like I just want to run and hide. After getting over the inital shock of the day I decided to cry out to Jesus and place everything in His hands. I don't know what, if anything, will happen but I wanted to share my emotions to let people see that life can be hard but we just gotta keep putting our faith in Him.