Singleness

When I thought about having kids, I never thought of me being a single mom. I always pictured being with a man who loved me very much as well as God and together we would raise our child. Obviously that is not my life today and yes I realize it is my own fault. As I was rocking Maddy tonight I was thinking about my life as a single mom. For a long time I didn't feel I could openly talk about being a single mom for fear that it might offend some people...especially family. As I was thinking I realized that just because I do get help here and there doesn't mean that I'm not a single mom. I don't have the luxury of saying here honey I'm really exhausted and need a nap so can you watch Maddy for me...or hey honey I'd like to work out so could you take Maddy...or I just need a little break. My mom helped out a good bit when Maddy was first born. She helped me in the hospital...I was not intending on being in that much pain after delivery but oh man it was horrible! Once we got home she took Maddy for her 4 a.m. feeding and let me sleep in a little later...I was so grateful for that too because Maddy was up every 2 hours on the dot. As she got to be a few weeks it would take her almost an hour to go back to bed cause her tummy hurt so bad and then once I could lay her down I would only get an hour sleep before it was time to do it all over again. In order to prevent daycare costs as well as a way for me to be around my baby all the time my mom took Maddy during the day while I was working. There is no way I could have not been around my baby when she was 7 weeks old. Today I am pretty much doing everything on my own now. My mom watches Maddy here and there for very short periods of time...whether it be so I can let my dog Manny out or if I need to pack Maddy's diaper bag, or if I need to use the bathroom haha...Just to clarify I'm not saying she should help out more...I'm just saying for the most part I can do it on my own. There are several times though I wish I could say hey, I need a break can you watch her for me? I have been working so hard on trying to get a place of my own so me and Maddy can be a more normal family, but it's just not possible right now and now I have a big fear of losing my job cause to them I'm just a number and right now I'm not meeting production and I really don't think I'm meeting quality. It is really rough being a single mom but at the end of the day it is worth every amount of effort I put in it. Sometimes I feel like i have to be superwoman and do everything, but I keep having to remind myself that I can only do so much as one person and just because someone else may can do more than me doesn't mean they are a better mom because of it. God has sure done a lot of providing and I could not have made it this far without Him. Well, I do believe I have rambled enough now...I better get some sleep before Maddy wakes up and I get no sleep.

Vacation Continued

Had another great day. I had decided today was gonna be another chilled, laid back kinda day. Started out this morning with an hour walk while Maddy took her morning nap. Then we played in the house. I've been dealing with a sore throat that's been making me feel kinda blah and that made me feel bad this morning but once she went down for another nap I was able to take a nap myself and I felt better when I woke up. We went to wally world to get her formula and food for the week, plus a new cd for nighttime. She seemed to have a good time...she just looked at me and would smile and talked a little and even started laughing some. We went back home to play some more and for her last nap of the day we walked for another hour with her Nana. She got to try chicken for the first time today, but she's not the biggest fan of it. We brought in all 8 puppies tonight and they are just soooo cute!!! Maddy didn't quite know what to think of them all cause they were all crying when they came up. After Maddy finished up her fruit I gave her a bath and then put her to bed. I know it probably sounds boring, but it's been nice to not have to do anything at any particular time. The rest of the week I have something planned each day and some days will be quite busy...maybe even too busy lol but all in all I am making memories with my daughter that I will forever cherish!
I'm really not sure how tonight is gonna go because we've run into a few problems at bedtime. She went a whole week of sleeping in her crib just fine...even if she woke up during the night I could give her her passy and back to sleep she'd go. I ran into problems with that when her teeth really started bothering her and that first night I put her in her swing cause getting up every 30 minutes gets really tiring haha, but I'm beginning to think I shoulda just stuck it out because she will not sleep in her crib now. I can get her in and she'll sleep anywhere from 15 minutes to 3 hours in there but she will not go back to sleep if she wakes up, so I transfer her to her swing. Well, she's now learned a new trick so to speak...she has learned how to sit up from a laying position while in her swing, which obviously keeps her awake. The past 2 nights I've just left her like that and she did drift off to sleep, but not tonight. I actually had to put her over the shoulder harness on her tonight because I went in there and she was all slouched over which kinda scared me...now she can't sit up, but she sure does try. She's already woken up 3 times and she's only been in bed bout 20 minutes maybe. Tomorrow we are going to the mall and Old Navy and probably a few other places. I cannot wait for Wednesday though cause we are going on a road trip to Gatlinburg...we may be going to the Knoxville zoo but definately to the Osh Kosh outlet and maybe Cade's Cove and who knows what else...it will be a blast! Well, that's about all I have to say and I do believe she may have finally drifted off to dreamland, so I'm gonna lay back and watch some Nancy Grace and then try to get some sleep cause morning comes early haha

Beginning Vacation Week

So it's the beginning of my much needed week off. So far it's been really good minus the rain. Saturday morning Maddy woke up at 6:00 a.m., which is sleeping in for us haha. I did our normal routine which is giving her a bottle then changing her diaper. I usually pick out her outfit once she's all taken care of. We had planned on going to the Strawberry Festival in Dayton just to see what it was all about. For her 7:30 nap I decided to stroll her around the neighborhood until she decided she was ready to wake up. By around 9 not only was I tired, but I also needed to use the restroom so I decided to call it quits and get ready to go to the festival since it started at 9 anyways. I didn't realize just how big the strawberry festival was...they have a parade and people were lined up waiting to see it. It was like a mini riverbend...they had all the yummy food vendors there as well as jewelry and shirts and other stuff I probably didn't see. Maddy was amazed at all the people I think because she just sat up looking the entire time lol. I got a handmade bracelet that is magnetic and is supposed to help with arthritis. If you have arthritis i strongly suggest it because i do not have the aches and pains I normally would have with this kind of rain. After the festival we went to baskin robbins and then to my mom's work for a second and then we spent the rest of the day with my sister and my 2 nieces. They came up and we brought all 8 puppies in the hosue to try to get them to eat and they were sooo cute!!!

Today has been kinda a chill out day. I did take Maddy on a walk while she napped, but it only lasted 30 minutes due to the rain. Her dad comes and visits on Sundays so he came up and spent time with her and then I decided to try to go on another walk thinking the rain was done with, but oh no. We walked probably about 30 minutes and were headed down the hill and then the bottom just let loose! We ran to get back home because strollers only protect babies so much. Now Maddy is in her jump a roo watching Sprout and I'm writing this and enjoying hearing all her sounds.

If you're reading this please give me time to understand how this works and hopefully I can make my blogs look really neat. I love to talk and write down how I'm feeling so I will be writing a lot! I hope everybody has had a great weekend!