June 21, 2014

It is 11:29 pm and I am in total shock. This will be a day I never forget, and a day that has changed our family forever. My mom, Maddy, and I were on our way to Baskin Robbins to get ice cream/cappuccino blast. We weren't even halfway there when my mom got a call from my grandmother begging her to get my uncle because something had happened to my grandfather. We turned around to head to my grandmother's. All the way there I kept thinking we would pull in the driveway and it would be no big deal. As soon as we pulled into the driveway my mom got a text saying he had gotten too hot. I thought it would be just fine and we were out of the woods...I was wrong. We were there not even five minutes and my mom got back in the car to go look for my uncle. She told me she thought he had a heat stroke, there again I thought everything would be fine. My uncle wasn't home and when we got back to my grandmother's, my mom told me they had called an ambulance. Up to this point I hadn't really said much to Maddy other than we had to go help Opa...that's what the grandkids call him. I didn't want her to get out of the car because I didn't want her to witness anything that would scare her. My mom offered for me to take her car so I could get Maddy out of the situation once the ambulance was called, but at that point I couldn't leave. I needed to make sure he was going to be okay. I turned around to prepare Maddy for what she was about to see and hear. I told her Opa needed to go to the hospital and there is an ambulance on the way that is going to help him and it might be real loud, but it's ok. She was concerned he might get a shot because she knows shots hurt real bad. Just as soon as I got done explaining I hear screaming from the porch, which is where he was. I heard, "DADDY PLEASE BREATHE, COME ON BABY BREATHE! BREATHE!!!! That's when I knew it was not going to be okay. Hearing my grandmother and mom screaming and crying and pleading for the Lord to help him is something I will never forget. I had no idea what to do. I was trying to help my mom out and I called my sister to let her know he had passed away. My sister kept saying somebody had to do CPR. A light in my head went off when I heard my mom begging 911 to please hurry. I was going to take the phone or do CPR myself because I knew my mom was in no shape to do much of anything. Obviously I was not thinking straight at all because my stepdad and uncle were both there to take care of him. I went up to the porch and at that point I saw my grandfather and was not prepared for what I saw. His body was blue and he was just laying there. They got him breathing again but they kept having to do CPR on him. My mom went down to the end of the driveway to help the ambulance know where to go, so I offered to do that so she could be with her dad. She needed to be away, so she stayed. Another idea popped in my head...I could switch Maddy's car seat over to my dad's truck and be ready to go. The ambulance finally got there. They had my dad continue doing CPR on my grandfather while they got set up. They weren't in any big hurry truthfully. Once they got there I hopped in the truck,looked out the window and saw them shocking my grandfather, but he just lay on the stretcher. They got him loaded up in the ambulance and off they went. There was a police officer there that stopped us and told us not to follow the ambulance and to remind us that we had to follow the laws. Basically he was saying you can't run red lights and speed. On the way to the hospital my mom just kept shaking her head as if she were saying no. Maddy kept asking when she was going to get her ice cream. She clearly had no idea just how serious the situation was lol. Once we got to the hospital we went to the ER and tried to figure out where we needed to go. They had us sit in the ER waiting room first, then they called us all back to a room. Once I saw we were being called into a room I knew immediately he was no longer with us. We had to wait on my grandmother before anybody would talk to us. Once my sister got there I took Maddy to the bathroom to start preparing her for what was about to happen. I told her that I needed to talk to her about something really important. I went on to tell her that I thought Opa was in heaven with Jesus, and that she was probably fixing to see Nana and Oma and Uncle Mike and a lot of other people cry a whole lot. I wanted her to know that Opa really was okay in heaven, and people would be crying because they will miss him so much here on earth. We went back to the room to wait and finally my grandmother got there and the doctor came pretty soon after. He first asked my grandmother what had happened during the day prior to this incident. She explained they had had a good morning together on the porch, and then he went out to work in the yard. It was an extremely hot day and he started not feeling well so he took a break. He started feeling a little better so he did some more yard work, but he then got dizzy and sick and felt like he was going to pass out. He also had cold chills even though he was burning up. The doctor informed us all that he did indeed have a massive heart attack and unfortunately he did not make it. Maddy handled it extremely well. She was concerned that everybody was crying, but she didn't seem afraid and that was my goal. The doctor allowed us to go and see him. I chose not to go. I was scared of what he would look like and I wanted to remember him how I last saw him. The last time I saw my grandfather, was at my cousin's birthday dinner at Shogun. My grandfather was being so silly as he usually was and put his napkin around his head as if he had on a sweatband. He seemed genuinely happy that day and laughed a lot.

This was the first unexpected tragedy I have experienced in my family. I've experienced family members passing away, but we knew their time was coming to an end. I never in a million years expected my grandfather to pass away on that day. He was fairly healthy. We will miss him greatly!

Just a little note to say that I originally started this post the night this occurred. I finished the post on 11/20/19, so some of the little details I have forgotten.

Hello Again

I am beyond ecstatic to have my blog back! So much has happened in between the time I stopped blogging and now. One day I will be an open book and share all the details, but for now I will just say I am happy to be back!

To briefly catch up, Maddy is now in the 4th grade 😲 I can't even believe it! We are still homeschooling and loving it. The older she gets, the more we mix and match her curriculum. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to homeschool her and know at any given time it can be yanked away. Maddy has gotten involved in extra curriculars outside of home to help her socialize with kids her age.

Drunk Maddy

I have a whole year's worth of stuff to catch up on here, but I want to go ahead and talk about today. Maddy had her first sedation. Of all places, it was at the dentist office. I had no idea what to expect. In fact I thought maybe she might feel just a little tired and she would be calm and peaceful. Boy was I ever wrong! Her appointment was at 10:30 and she could not eat or drink anything until after her appointment. Thankfully she slept in until 9:16. She would have slept longer but I woke her up to get ready. They had a little trouble coaxing her back to get her sedation juice. They bribe the kids with getting a prize to get them back there. She came out and told me she chose punch, but instead of punch it came out pooch. The instructions said it could take up to an hour for the sedation to take effect for some kids. For this kid it took all of 1 minute. She started getting wobbly real quick and her speech was off. She was hilarious for about 30 seconds and then a switch flipped on and she turned quite angry. She wanted to walk, but she couldn't without falling down or into something. I had her hands to help protect her and she would yell at me, "WHY ARE YOU HOLDING ME?!?!?!?!" Everything I did was wrong. I wouldn't let her walk, I wouldn't get off of her (she was actually the one on top of me), I wouldn't let her go (she actually was holding onto my hands), I didn't understand half the things she wanted. Her mood would go from screaming to the top of her lungs at me to laughing all in a matter of a second. I did record a video of her, but honestly it was very hard to record her because she was all over the place.

Her procedure went good. She didn't like having to bite the gauze and apparently she let them know how she felt about it lol. She got furious with me on the way home because I wouldn't let her take it out. Once we got home it was just horrible. It was the same moody temper and trying to figure out how to make her feel better was just impossible. She finally got out that her mouth hurt. She kept saying her front teeth. She didn't have any work done to her front teeth so I was very confused. I finally asked her to point to where it hurt and it was actually her back tooth on top, which is the one that had work. I gave her some Tylenol which ended up helping her to feel better. She said her tooth still hurt, but it was not as bad. It is currently 9:36 pm and I believe she still has some sedation in her. She can walk and talk just fine but her attitude is all over the place. She just let out a loud squeal/coo out of the blue in her room.

Her procedure was basically like a root canal for kids and they put a crown on it. They also put some sealant on some of her teeth. She says she remembers doing what she did in the video, but the look on her face says she really doesn't. I tried asking what it was like when they were working on her, but she just gives me vague answers. She said they had computers on while they were working. I asked if they were nice and she said yes. I wanted to ask if anything hurt, but I didn't want to spark that memory if there is a memory of it. I snapped a picture of her playing video games prior to the oral sedation.

Homeschool Themes

I have been such a slacker lately. I wanted to jot down the themes we have done so far for homeschool before I forget them. I don't have pictures for every theme we've done, but I'd like to go back and talk about what we did do for each theme on another day. Our first week of school started on November 11 and we talked about Thanksgiving and turkeys. The week of November 18 we talked about Pilgrims/Native Americans. The week of November 25 we did not have any school due to my work schedule and trying to get ready for Thanksgiving. December 2 we talked about music. December 9 our theme was "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas." Our house was already decorated for Christmas, so it was more just a lesson about Christmas. Starting on December 16 we went on Christmas break. We did not start school again until January 6 and our theme was hibernation. This week our theme is Winter. I have a lot of stuff to catch up on and hope to get that done soon :)

Weekly Update

Here I am beginning my second week of working out. I successfully finished my first week and was able to go a little longer each day. The hardest day was the last day, Saturday. I was exhausted and I disappointed myself by not really giving it my all. I did manage to go 20 minutes, but I don't feel like I did my best. I thoroughly enjoyed my rest day. I began this week already tired, but I pushed through. The workout was much harder in my opinion, so I had to take more breaks than normal. I was excited that I was able to workout longer yesterday than I did when I first started. When I first started I was doing 13-15 minutes...last night I did 19 minutes. I know that sounds horrible, but these workouts are similar to Insanity...they aren't quite as intense as insanity, but they are not a normal workout either. I took my weekly picture and was instantly discouraged. I refuse to step on the scales right now because I know I will be upset at the number and that may cause me to quit. I feel like I almost looked skinnier before I started working out than I do now that I am working out. My goals this week are just to keep increasing my time. I realize since I am not doing a whole lot it will take longer to see any results. I am giving it four weeks before I start to get a bit concerned. I did expect to see at least a little change this week. I think my arms are already seeing some benefit...there are a lot of burpees and push ups. I will be posting weekly updates as I would like to have some accountability as well as be able to journal my thoughts along the way. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and time with family :)

Ready, Hiit, Change!!!

It's been four years since I was pregnant. Pre-pregnancy I had no problems whatsoever losing weight. I wouldn't say I had a high metabolism, but I could lose the weight I wanted by exercising (and not even hard exercise) and watching what I ate. After pregnancy is a whole other story. I have walked around for four years hating what my body had become. I have tried here and there to lose the weight, but it wouldn't budge. The most I've lost is 3 pounds, but I still look like I'm carrying around a spare tire...or two...on my belly and hip area. I'm tired of living in yoga pants and baggy T-shirts. I hate having to actually go somewhere because that means dressing in normal clothes that just hug my body and show off the true state my body is in. I can't tell you what lit my fire, but something sure did. A year or so ago I became a fan of bodyrock.tv. You take one look at the one of the hosts...Lisa Marie...and you will instantly feel sick and maybe even defeated because you know you will never look like that. I have tried their workouts before, but they were just too much for me and I could barely do 5 minutes. Since watching them they had a redesign/make-over and changed it to The Daily Hiit. Everyday on Facebook I see all these amazing results from people who took their 30 day challenge or some other challenge they have going. Then over on Youtube I have Shay Carl who started up Shaytober and it was about reaching your fitness goals in the month of October, whether it be losing weight, gaining weight, or doing 20 push-ups. I did the first week and then quit. I've tried Insanity...that workout is insane. I did the first week and quit because I wasn't seeing results and I felt defeated before I even began because again I did good to do 10 minutes of the warm-up. I've floundered around for the past four years. Since I have been keeping Maddy home and changing my work schedule to accommodate her schooling/needs, something has changed in me. I really can't explain what, but I like it. I have been getting up around the 5:30 a.m. mark, which feels like a miracle in itself because this girl does NOT get up that early lol. Starting on Monday I got an email from The Daily Hiit/Bodyrock wanting people to sign up for the fry fat fast 5 day challenge. They email you the workout for the day. The workout video was like 5-6 minutes long, but you do it for 3 rounds. They also showed you how you could modify it to suit your needs. I got motivated and told myself I would do this for 5 days. I ended up missing two days of it...Friday and Monday. I made up my Friday one on Saturday and did two workouts and was so completely sore I could barely walk! I hadn't been that sore in a long time so I knew it was working. I didn't want to just stop after that challenge. Prior to the 5 day challenge they had just completed a 30 day challenge. I decided to start that one. I am starting from the last day and working my way to the first day...no particular reason other than I am using my phone to do the workouts and the end videos show up first on YouTube so that's what I did. I am now on day 5 and have not missed any days. I know I will end up missing a day here and there, but this is a start. I am able to workout more and I set personal goals before I start. The first day I did it I did 15 minutes of a 44 minute workout. The next day I did 16 minutes. Last night I wanted to do 17 minutes. When it got to 13 minutes I was getting to the point of wanting to stop. I couldn't let myself stop before 15 minutes at least. I decided to start praying and asking Jesus to help me do the workout...not so I can look good for the world, but so my body...His temple...could be healthy. Let me tell ya...I experienced something I never have before and I pushed through until 21:52. I got goosebumps as I was praying and felt like something I never had before. That truly motivated me and I hope I will start seeing some results soon. I am taking pictures along the way for my comparison...there has been little to no change, but I know I won't see change until at least day 10. If I do this for a year and still see no change whatsoever then maybe I will give up lol. There have been two days in particular that I just did not want to workout because I was so tired....last night was one of those days, but the worst was Wednesday. I was laying in bed at 9 p.m. and told myself I better get up and get my workout done because if I don't I won't and I'm afraid if I miss a day right now it may kill the motivation have right now. At 9:50 p.m. I pulled myself out of bed. For the first time I felt my endorphin's kick in and I was able to get a good workout in. I feel so proud of what I've been doing this week and I hope and pray that I don't quit. It seems like once I share what I'm doing I quit soon after...I'm weird lol. 

I know diet is a key part to getting the body you want. Right now I am not worried about my diet. I don't eat horribly. I don't eat the best either. Right now my goal is to just workout 6 days a week. I was going to do the full 7 days, but I really want to observe the Sabbath on the seventh day. I want to complete this 30 day challenge, but it will be a bit longer for me. If I complete this challenge, then I will start working on my diet. Next year I am investing in me an Omega juicer. I will be doing a lot of juice cleanses and that will help my diet situation. I pray that this time next year I will have a different body that I can enjoy a little more. I have always had issues with my body, but I want to wear jeans and sweaters without feeling like a huge cow from this spare tire I've been carrying around. I want to be able to spring up off the floor without having to turn to the side and use both hands to push me up because my stomach is hanging in the way and I"m too weak to use my legs like I used too. I know I will never get my pre-pregnant body back because I was roughly 20 pounds underweight then. I know my metabolism is shot now from my prepregnant days. I know I will probably never fit back into my pre-pregnant clothes like I used too, but I hope to come close. I hope this fire I have to really work on myself doesn't go away. I hope to one day feel ok enough to get back into a bikini, even though I probably will never wear one again. Since having Maddy I have felt even more modest than I did before her and I was a modest person lol. 

I will not be turning this blog into a "fitness/health" blog. This blog has always been a place for me to come to talk about my life and the ups and downs it brings. It's been a therapy for my bad days. It's a tool to record the memories I have. It's my journal. I will talk about what I go through and hopefully share some pictures of my progress, but it will never be strictly a health blog. 

This is an example trailer. They used to basically look like a porn site. The work out is extremely difficult, but the camera would focus in on angles that were just yuck! With their new design they have stopped all that nonsense and truly seem to focus on the workout and not getting an angle that was inappropriate. They still use thumbnails that I disagree with, but I can overlook that and just get to the workout. I'm pretty excited to see what changes I can make, but there is no way I can do it on my own...I have Jesus with me and He gives me the strength I need to push on when I want to quit. 

Maddy Turns 4!

I hate almost two months have past since Maddy's 4th birthday party, and I am just now getting this up. This year we had Maddy's party on Sunday September 22. We rented our church's indoor playground called Playside from 2-4. Her theme this year was Dora. I knew I would not be able to decorate at her party like I would want to...actually how SHE would want me to lol, so I put up some decorations at home while she slept. I had to juggle a few close calls to her waking up, but I managed to get them hung all around her room. 

 I couldn't capture her room the way it looked in person, but you can get the idea with these pictures. She was so surprised when she woke up. We still have these hanging up today. We will probably leave them up for a really long time :)

Since we were going to be doing a lot of playing and running around I didn't want to get her a dress or an outfit that was dressier, so I ordered her shirt from Embroidered Shirts by Monica. I ordered it very early on September 11 and went with standard shipping. My thought process was when you order it asks you when you need it by and I said I needed it by Saturday September 21. I felt that was plenty of time to get the shirt done and shipped. For a $10 fee you can rush your order and it will be done within 24 hours. I did not want to pay the fee and again felt like it fell within her 7-10 days turnaround time. After ordering I began to check back with a shipping update. The week it shipped it told me it would not be here until Monday September 23. I was SO upset and mad that Maddy would not have her special shirt in time for her party. Yes, she would have it on her birthday, but it just wasn't what I wanted for her lol. After a day of being upset I moved past it and began frantically searching for a Dora outfit. Dora clothes are not as common as they used to be years ago. We checked Kohls and Target and they had nothing. I browsed around online and found Wal-Mart carried some. The day before her party we went and sure enough they did. Once we got home something told me to check the mail and to my wonderful suprise...her shirt had arrived. I was BEYOND ecstatic to see that package lol. I will probably use Embroidered Shirts by Monica for all my custom shirts. Her prices were lower than other stores/boutiques and the fact that she tries to get your package to you when you need it without having to pay a fee, unless you need it right away. Just to clarify I am not being paid to write this, just sharing my personal experience :)

 This is the outfit we found at Wal-Mart...it was just not what I wanted her to wear for her party

This is the shirt we ordered. I was very pleased with it. The day of her party I believe it was supposed to be in the low 70's weather wise. I figured she would get hot in pants, so I went ahead and put her in shorts.

We had church the morning of her party. After church her Pops took her along with my nieces back to his house to feed them and let them play while me and her Nana got the place set up. Maddy wanted cupcakes for her party, but I also wanted a cake so I asked my mom if she would do both. For the cupcakes I just ordered ring toppers of Dora. They weren't exactly what I wanted, but it was all I could find. I bought a cupcake stand to put the cupcakes in.

 Without realizing what she did, my mom chose pink and brown for the colors of the cupcakes...those were Maddy's nursery colors :)

 She was a bit shy as everybody sang happy birthday to her...

 I have no idea what I was doing here, but it definitely looks like I was having fun...and maybe chasing somebody lol

We let Maddy open her presents first, then sang happy birthday, then let the kids run wild while everybody else ate. It was a lot of fun and Maddy seemed to really enjoy herself. After we left she asked me how many more days until her next birthday. Looks like she is mommy's girl and loves to celebrate her birthday :)