Staycation

Last week I had myself a stay-cation. Let me rephrase that....I was SUPPOSED to have a stay-cation, but ended up working every day except Friday. I had big plans of getting our house cleaned and organized since I never got to take time off when we first moved. I am so tired of our house being a cluttered mess! Of coarse since I was looking forward to this huge task, work kinda got in the way. I kept Maddy home Monday and Friday that way Tuesday-Thursday I could clean. I knew I would have to work Monday, so I got up early to get a start on the day. I woke up around 6 a.m. and Maddy woke up around 9 a.m. Once she woke up I quit work because it's very rare we get to spend real time together. I had plans of taking her to her second movie. We went to see Monsters University. She was SO excited to be going back to the "golf" so she could eat more popcorn. I wish I could get a video of her saying popcorn, but oh well. I'm really not sure why she keeps calling it the golf because the week we went to her first movie I kept saying the movie place with the big screen. My only guess is that in the movie (Despicable Me 2), there is a scene where the minions are playing golf. I guess that scene stuck in her mind and now the movie theater is forever called "the golf." We got us a 2013 bucket so we can get pretty cheap refills. There was an 11:45 a.m. showing so that is the one we went to. I was a tad bit nervous taking her by myself because I wasn't sure if she was so good the first time because she had her cousins and nana and pops to show her how to act lol. Luckily there was hardly anybody there and the people that were there were either moms or dads with their young kids. Once we sat down Maddy got started on her candy. The concession stands were the only part she almost went crazy on. The first time we went my step dad got everybody their snacks, this time Maddy went with me and could see all the goodies that were there. I splurged and let her get some candy to go with her popcorn and drink. She didn't eat much of her candy before she was asking me to hand over the popcorn bucket lol. This time she actually sat in her own seat instead of on my lap half of the time and then the other half she wanted to cuddle up with me. I loved both Despicable Me 2 and Monsters University, but I think MU was my favorite. Maddy did extremely good and she even laughed at some of the funny scenes. I am so happy she loves movies as much as she does...I can tell I will end up broke taking us to the theaters lol. It's hard not to go to every single movie that is ok for Maddy because it's been almost 4 years since I've been to a movie...I feel a little deserving lol. Anyways, after the movie we went home to change because it went from cool to extremely hot just like that. We did some shopping and then went home. Tuesday I worked and cleaned a little. Wednesday I just said forget it lol. I did work a little bit and then went around town with my mom and then church. Thursday I walked a bridge in our town called the Walnut Street Bridge. I really wanted to go the park, but it was flooded and closed. Friday was the only day I didn't log into work. Me and Maddy met up with one of my friends and had lunch at chick-fil-a during their "cow" day. If you dress up like a cow you got a free meal.

On the back of her shirt was a tail...it was just so cute! I snapped a picture of her before she transformed into a cow.

I forgot until I saw my pictures that one of the things we did was got her a Minnie Mouse puzzle. It's a 24 piece puzzle and she can do it all on her own...it's pretty amazing to me.

I forgot to snap a picture of it finished....I will add it later...maybe lol

I have a lot of little random things to share, but will do so in another post. While on vacation me and Maddy had a great bonding time and I still see and feel the affects from it today. It's amazing how my love for her just continues to grow and grow...it keeps on growing even though I think sometimes it can't grow much more. I plan to write about her first movie experience in more detail and some youtube things I've found that I love. I hope you all are having a great Friday and enjoy the weekend!!!

Five On Friday

1. I am so glad it is finally the weekend! I still have 2  hours and 36 min. to work on 
Saturday, but that's ok! 


2. I have been having a lot of fun working on my youtube videos
! I have actually filled up my memory card so it's time to start transferring them to dvd. 
Come check out my channel and subscribe! 
My link is www.youtube.com/suprblndy

3. I am a bit worried about 
Manny. He seems a little different lately and more tired. 
I also have noticed he seems to have lost some weight. I am hoping 
I am just paranoid. 


4. I have a fun toy 
I have been playing with this week. My mom got an ipad for her birthday, so she is letting me use her old tablet. 
My life has been changed! 
I am writing this post on it 
:-) 

My phone lasts a lot longer now because I do most everything on the tablet.

5. I can't seem to get a dream 
I had while on vacation out of my head. I feel certain 
I know the meaning of it and find myself worrying about it. I need to just pray every time 
I worry or stress out. 


Sorry for the boring post but it is all I have lol. 
I am ready to start my weekend now!

Single Mom Connections: Worries

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was in complete shock and disbelief, but still very happy inside. After the shock wore off I found myself worrying about everything. I started off worrying about the IV I would be getting when I went into labor. That kept me up most nights. Then I started thinking about my baby's future. The first things were pretty immediate...her car seat...crib...then daycare. I realized quickly money was a huge concern. I wanted the very best for my baby. I remember stressing out over how I would financially support her and provide her the things she needed. I spent the summer talking to friends and my mom at the pool. I got advice and took the option I thought was best. As I was talking to friends over how I would afford it all I got some great advice. I was reminded about the verse in the bible that talks about how birds needs are provided to them and if birds are taken care of, how much more will God take care of our needs. At the time I found myself saying, "Yeah but you don't understand." It doesn't matter what situation you are in....God will provide your needs. Obviously being a single parent one of the things we worry about the most are finances. If we lose our job, we still have to provide for our children. If we have no job...how would that happen. Our children are not a bill that we can just pay late or not at all...they have day to day needs that are a have to. I often take a look back at where I was before Maddy was born and where we are now. God has not just provided our needs, but even gave me wants,one being our own place. I still find myself looking around at our things and just stand in awe of just how much God has taken care of us. I open our back door and just smile so big as I see Maddy's playground. I remember saying there is NO way I can get that for her, but guess what...God gave her that through my family. I do thank God all the time for everything He has given us. He provided a carseat for Maddy, a crib to sleep in, a pack and play, diapers, formula, wipes, clothes, toys, shoes, food, and so much more. Being head of household is a huge responsibility and whenever I start to worry about this or that I just remember that if God takes care of the birds, He will definitely take care of me and Maddy whom he loves so much more. This would apply to anybody who worries about anything...whether you are a single mom or a married mom or not a mom at all. Every time I start to worry I remind myself that God loves me and He has a plan for me and for Maddy and He WILL provide us our needs. I wish I could say it always took away the worry, but I'd be lying...I am a HUGE worry wart, but I can say it has helped me focus on Him and remind me that He is in charge...not me and it does help me relax some. I have a lot of work to do to stop worrying about things. I tend to hand over my problem to Jesus and then take it back for whatever reason. Obviously as moms we have many more reasons we worry, but the point of this is to remind you that God is in control and He will take care of everything. We don't see the big picture, but thankfully He does. Never did I imagine I would be where we are today, but we are only here because we let God drive...that's the key :)

Singles Connection

Two posts in one night...I'm on fire lol. Not really, I just had these two things on my mind so I posted one, worked out, and now posting the other one. In years past my mom talked a lot about the singles ministry and how she feels that has been put on her heart. She actually wrote a book about her own experience being single and remarrying. At the time she talked about this hot and heavy I was single myself and yearning for a mate.  My heart has always been geared towards children, and still is, but is expanding to include singles...mostly single moms because that is the journey I am on. I remember years ago when all I could think about was the fact that I was single and how I wanted God to send my mate so we could start our family. I was lonely. I actually ended up marrying someone I never should have and told myself I can make it work out. Guess what....I couldn't and it ended in divorce. God gave me every opportunity to not marry and I chose to ignore them all and demand I get married. Those were some very dark days in my life. You think you can't feel any lonelier when you are single, but I can promise you you can feel much MUCH worse if you are in the wrong relationship. I myself have asked, "How do you become content being single?" I think as a single person who so desperately wants a relationship, that is a common question that is asked. Saying the answer out loud is very easy, it's getting yourself to that point that is the hard part. After I got divorced I was single for five years. I became interested in a few guys during that time and I prayed and prayed that maybe they would be the one God had for me. Turned out they weren't and during that time I just didn't understand. Looking back at that time now, I can see perfectly the reason why one of them didn't work out and I am just so thankful for those so called "unanswered prayers." I'm not doing a great job, but the point I am trying to make is during those five years of singleness I was still begging for God to send me my mate. I was still lonely. I still wanted children. I could say with my mouth that God is all I needed, but I couldn't live it. I don't know the scripture or the exact wording, but the bible does talk about how we have to be satisfied and content with what is in our cup before God will give us more. You have to be a good steward of what you have as well. I truly believe that you have to be content being single before you can ever be content being married. The question still is how do you do that. There is no step 1, 2, and 3...it's just something you have to get yourself to. It took me years obviously...five is quite a long time. I will never forget right before I met Maddy's dad. I had been struggling still with being single and I tried and tried to give it to Jesus, but I kept grabbing it back. One morning at church it just clicked and happened. I prayed about it and I instantly felt peace. I don't know what happened and why it took so long, but after that morning at church I was truly okay being single. I was truly okay if God wanted me to be single forever and I never had kids. Just three short months after that moment I met someone. I'm not saying that once you give it to God that He will just instantly give you a mate....this is just my experience. I also want to remind you that even after you do become content being single and you find a man standing before you, don't assume it's from the Lord. I should never have assumed the person I met was from the Lord. I should have kept my guard up and paid attention to the red flags both me and my mom found before I even started dating him. To wrap this all up,there is no one way to becoming content being single...it's a journey. Each journey is unique and how I got there will not be how you get there. I know the days and nights can feel lonely, but just keep praying and make sure you are praying from your heart and not just what you think you need to say. Keep giving it to Jesus and one of those times it will be for real and you will find an unexplainable peace inside of you. I highly recommend if you are female to read books from Michelle McKinney Hammond. I hate to read, but I was able to read her books and loved them.

I don't have much time to do "me" things anymore (and I am BEYOND okay with that), but I would like to start reading her books again. I don't think I've read either of these books, but I have read Sassy, Single, and Satisfied. I am not a "diva" but as I read her books I certainly felt more sassy and more diva-ish. They are really great books.

YouTube

I am so excited to say I finally found a video editing software that I liked. I downloaded what felt like tons of free trials and spent hours comparing one to another. I made my first video for YouTube last week, but right now it is still private as I am not ready to share our most recent vacation with the whole world lol. This weekend I quickly put together a 2012 montage and did make that public. I am pleased with how it turned out considering it was just slapped together. I have a lot of learning to do, but no time to do it. I attempted to film our every day life this weekend, but failed. I was so upset when I realized I forgot to pull out the video camera as Maddy was picking out her "surprise." Clearly filming every day life is NOT normal for me, but I hope to make it more and more normal. It is very awkward filming in public because people tend to stare. How do you get over that? I don't think I ever will...but one can hope :) Most of the moms on YouTube are stay-at-home moms and have more opportunities to film and put videos together than I do, but I still like the concept. They will be able to go back and have tons of memories once their little ones are grown. I am so excited to start this journey of video editing/YouTube and hope to be able to keep it up. I will still keep my blog going though because this is the place where I vent, share pictures, share thoughts, ect.

Hope you all have a great week :)

Random Thoughts

Do you notice a recurring theme here...everything I do is random lol. I've had a lot of thoughts go through my head lately, but nothing that can make a full post. When in doubt just throw them all on one post and ta da!! I first want to share something I think is really exciting. I've had a YouTube account for a while now, but never really did anything with it. Along the way I found people's channel that I really enjoy...isn't that the point? One of my favorites and the one I've been watching the longest is loraandlayton. I'm pretty sure most of the U.S. at least has heard of this family. She recently just gave birth to her 3rd child and had a home birth. I really enjoy her videos and love getting to know their family. After watching her videos for about a year now, I finally am starting to get the whole vlogging itch thing. I document things more with my still camera than my video camera, but I'm gonna try the whole having a video camera in my hands at all time thing lol.  I just put together my first video and it is our vacation video. I'm not ready to share it publicly just yet, but at some point I will. I am so pleased with how it turned out. It's not perfect by any means as I am still learning the software, but I'm hooked! I don't have interesting videos on my channel just yet...they are just what I upload from my phone and most are private right now, but I am going to start opening up more as I get more videos edited. If you are interested in subscribing my link is:http://www.youtube.com/user/suprblndy

Speaking of Lora and Layton, I have gotten baby fever bad!!! I've had baby fever on and off ever since Maddy was 10 months old. I get baby fever sometimes to the point that I just feel so sad and I just think that's crazy! Luckily I am able to focus my thoughts on Maddy and am beyond thankful to have her. We have so much fun together and she is truly my everything. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with her I felt very strongly about wanting to give birth at home in the tub. I wasn't smart enough to go research it to see if it was possible. I just assumed it wasn't and stuck with the whole hospital thing. After watching Lora's journey and watching a few others, I have come to the conclusion that if I am blessed enough to get married and have another child....I WILL be having a water birth at home. I feel a midwife has more of my beliefs as far as birthing goes than an OB-GYN. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my OB-GYN doctor, but I disagree with being induced and the hospitals approach of handing out pitocin like it's candy to get you out faster. Some people may think that's just plum crazy, but it's just how I feel. A lot of prayer went into my pregnancy and delivery day. I've talked about that in another post, so I won't go into again here. I did go into labor on my own and did not need pitocin. I truly feel had I been able to stay home that I would have delivered faster for one thing and two I would have been able to handle it. I did have the baby blues after I gave birth and I just feel that that would not have happened if I had a natural birth. I really wanted to have a natural birth. I also feel that having a hospital birth ruined my nursing experience. Lora got postpartum depression after her first two sons were born and had to get prescription medicines for it, but with her home birth she has not had any depression or blues. I just think having a natural birth in the comfort (ok so it's not comforting cause you are in intense pain but you get the idea) of your own home is better for mom and baby. I didn't realize until I got to the hospital that I had been in a zone and in control as I labored at home. I was able to move around freely and get in the tub as I wanted to. The contractions hurt so bad and were coming every 1-2 minutes, but I had it under control. Once I got to the hospital and they were so impatient with me and telling me I was inconveniencing them by moving around too much, I was unable to handle the pain of the contractions. I realized my concentration had been broken and there was no going back. It's amazing what our bodies do. This is kind of pointless for most of you, but oh well. I don't think women who prefer a hospital birth are crazy or not good...I do firmly believe people should do what THEY feel the most comfortable doing...that's what is best for them.

Manny gave me a scare last night. I noticed he wouldn't come lay with me in bed. I tried calling him but realized he was unable to get up. I got scared because it was his back end. I did everything I could think of to try to coax him up, including getting a treat and laying it down. He didn't even bother to come get it. He did sit up and kept looking behind him as if he were telling me his back end hurt. His eyes did look a little glazed over like they would if he were in a seizure. I thought maybe he was having a seizure and I just didn't notice. I got his treat and brought it to him and he took it. If he had been in a seizure he wouldn't have taken it. I also had good control of his body and with a seizure he doesn't. I couldn't bring myself to look where he was hurting for fear I'd see blood or that I would touch him and it would lead to him yelping over and over constantly. I honestly thought his kidneys were shutting down. I got down and hugged him and calmly petted him and sang Jesus Loves me one time then started praying. I felt a strong urge to check him out but just wasn't ready so I sang again and kept telling him I was here with him and that he would be ok and he just hugged me back. He seemed very thankful that I was there. Finally I got brave and checked him out only to find his hind leg had got caught up in his harness and he was just stuck. Oh I let out a huge sigh of relief and he went running around like a broncing bull. He curled up beside me and I just know by his body language he was happily telling me thank you. I didn't get to bed until 2:00 a.m. this morning so I am quite exhausted. Well, this concludes my post for now :)

Weekend Updates

We didn't really have much of a weekend. I ended up getting sick early Saturday morning with a stomach virus. I actually was up all night Friday fighting it. Needless to say, I will not be wanting Little Caesar's pizza ever again lol. Friday night is movie night at our house. That's a big deal to Maddy who is ever so addicted to the tv. She wants to watch what she wants when she wants it, so she is so happy to hear when it's movie night. I generally am still working and that occupies her a good bit until I can finish. Before vacation I had been letting her sleep out in the living room on her couch and I would fall asleep beside her on the floor. It's not very comfy for me, but it's a lot more comfy than trying to cram us both in her bed lol. Friday nights around here are just fun filled nights and we do things I normally say no to, such as falling asleep to the tv. I stayed up most of Friday night. Saturday I literally laid down all day. Maddy kept telling me to let her know when I was done being sick...as if I really had a choice lol. I thought it was cute though. Poor thing just wanted mommy to play with her. She ended up taking a nap around 2 p.m. and we both woke up around 4 p.m. I had to gather the strength to get up and get our groceries for the week because Saturday is the ONLY day I have to do so. As I was getting Maddy ready I quickly lost any strength I had and wasn't sure I would make it anywhere. I knew I needed to eat something and all I could think of was frozen yogurt. It's by the grace of God that we did actually make it to the frozen yogurt shop. I got chocolate and Maddy got Watermelon with a bunch of candies. I was quite disappointed that the yogurt didn't taste as good to me as I thought it would. In fact, it made me feel quite puny. After our yogurt and a battle in my head about going home or going to the store, I finally decided I needed to go to the store if we wanted to eat this week lol. Once we got home I cooked dinner, which was lawnmower taco casserole, and then put Maddy to bed and crashed.

Maddy did a good job of keeping herself busy. She was talking to herself (no idea where she gets THAT from) saying, "I just have to color all this book." This little girl is a ball of energy. She is truly very special and a gift from God. There are many days I just stare at her and still can't believe she is here and is mine (yes she is God's and I am just taking care of her on Earth).

Sunday consisted of a bunch of rain. We got bumped up into the slight risk for severe weather, but we weren't really expecting anything severe...definitely no tornadoes.

We didn't make it to church at all today. I really really wanted to go, but I just did not have the energy or strength to get both of us ready. I might could have gone if I just had to get one person ready, but no way could I have gotten us both ready. I attempted to do a load of dishes and a load of laundry, but it didn't work out too well for me lol. I also attempted to make my first batch of boiled squash...again..just not my day cause it didn't really taste that good. I'm  hoping it's just that my taste buds are messed up, but I think I used a little too much water when I cooked them. Oh well...That was our weekend. I definitely feel like I need another weekend because I didn't get to play with Maddy at all and that makes me so sad. She is SUCH a sweetheart! Thursday night she came up to me while I was working and gave me the biggest hug and said, "Mommy....you are the best mommy in the world!" It honestly caught me by surprise because she has NEVER said anything like that before. Those are the moments I will cherish forever :) Hope you all had a great weekend!!!