Singles Connection

Two posts in one night...I'm on fire lol. Not really, I just had these two things on my mind so I posted one, worked out, and now posting the other one. In years past my mom talked a lot about the singles ministry and how she feels that has been put on her heart. She actually wrote a book about her own experience being single and remarrying. At the time she talked about this hot and heavy I was single myself and yearning for a mate.  My heart has always been geared towards children, and still is, but is expanding to include singles...mostly single moms because that is the journey I am on. I remember years ago when all I could think about was the fact that I was single and how I wanted God to send my mate so we could start our family. I was lonely. I actually ended up marrying someone I never should have and told myself I can make it work out. Guess what....I couldn't and it ended in divorce. God gave me every opportunity to not marry and I chose to ignore them all and demand I get married. Those were some very dark days in my life. You think you can't feel any lonelier when you are single, but I can promise you you can feel much MUCH worse if you are in the wrong relationship. I myself have asked, "How do you become content being single?" I think as a single person who so desperately wants a relationship, that is a common question that is asked. Saying the answer out loud is very easy, it's getting yourself to that point that is the hard part. After I got divorced I was single for five years. I became interested in a few guys during that time and I prayed and prayed that maybe they would be the one God had for me. Turned out they weren't and during that time I just didn't understand. Looking back at that time now, I can see perfectly the reason why one of them didn't work out and I am just so thankful for those so called "unanswered prayers." I'm not doing a great job, but the point I am trying to make is during those five years of singleness I was still begging for God to send me my mate. I was still lonely. I still wanted children. I could say with my mouth that God is all I needed, but I couldn't live it. I don't know the scripture or the exact wording, but the bible does talk about how we have to be satisfied and content with what is in our cup before God will give us more. You have to be a good steward of what you have as well. I truly believe that you have to be content being single before you can ever be content being married. The question still is how do you do that. There is no step 1, 2, and 3...it's just something you have to get yourself to. It took me years obviously...five is quite a long time. I will never forget right before I met Maddy's dad. I had been struggling still with being single and I tried and tried to give it to Jesus, but I kept grabbing it back. One morning at church it just clicked and happened. I prayed about it and I instantly felt peace. I don't know what happened and why it took so long, but after that morning at church I was truly okay being single. I was truly okay if God wanted me to be single forever and I never had kids. Just three short months after that moment I met someone. I'm not saying that once you give it to God that He will just instantly give you a mate....this is just my experience. I also want to remind you that even after you do become content being single and you find a man standing before you, don't assume it's from the Lord. I should never have assumed the person I met was from the Lord. I should have kept my guard up and paid attention to the red flags both me and my mom found before I even started dating him. To wrap this all up,there is no one way to becoming content being single...it's a journey. Each journey is unique and how I got there will not be how you get there. I know the days and nights can feel lonely, but just keep praying and make sure you are praying from your heart and not just what you think you need to say. Keep giving it to Jesus and one of those times it will be for real and you will find an unexplainable peace inside of you. I highly recommend if you are female to read books from Michelle McKinney Hammond. I hate to read, but I was able to read her books and loved them.

I don't have much time to do "me" things anymore (and I am BEYOND okay with that), but I would like to start reading her books again. I don't think I've read either of these books, but I have read Sassy, Single, and Satisfied. I am not a "diva" but as I read her books I certainly felt more sassy and more diva-ish. They are really great books.

YouTube

I am so excited to say I finally found a video editing software that I liked. I downloaded what felt like tons of free trials and spent hours comparing one to another. I made my first video for YouTube last week, but right now it is still private as I am not ready to share our most recent vacation with the whole world lol. This weekend I quickly put together a 2012 montage and did make that public. I am pleased with how it turned out considering it was just slapped together. I have a lot of learning to do, but no time to do it. I attempted to film our every day life this weekend, but failed. I was so upset when I realized I forgot to pull out the video camera as Maddy was picking out her "surprise." Clearly filming every day life is NOT normal for me, but I hope to make it more and more normal. It is very awkward filming in public because people tend to stare. How do you get over that? I don't think I ever will...but one can hope :) Most of the moms on YouTube are stay-at-home moms and have more opportunities to film and put videos together than I do, but I still like the concept. They will be able to go back and have tons of memories once their little ones are grown. I am so excited to start this journey of video editing/YouTube and hope to be able to keep it up. I will still keep my blog going though because this is the place where I vent, share pictures, share thoughts, ect.

Hope you all have a great week :)

Random Thoughts

Do you notice a recurring theme here...everything I do is random lol. I've had a lot of thoughts go through my head lately, but nothing that can make a full post. When in doubt just throw them all on one post and ta da!! I first want to share something I think is really exciting. I've had a YouTube account for a while now, but never really did anything with it. Along the way I found people's channel that I really enjoy...isn't that the point? One of my favorites and the one I've been watching the longest is loraandlayton. I'm pretty sure most of the U.S. at least has heard of this family. She recently just gave birth to her 3rd child and had a home birth. I really enjoy her videos and love getting to know their family. After watching her videos for about a year now, I finally am starting to get the whole vlogging itch thing. I document things more with my still camera than my video camera, but I'm gonna try the whole having a video camera in my hands at all time thing lol.  I just put together my first video and it is our vacation video. I'm not ready to share it publicly just yet, but at some point I will. I am so pleased with how it turned out. It's not perfect by any means as I am still learning the software, but I'm hooked! I don't have interesting videos on my channel just yet...they are just what I upload from my phone and most are private right now, but I am going to start opening up more as I get more videos edited. If you are interested in subscribing my link is:http://www.youtube.com/user/suprblndy

Speaking of Lora and Layton, I have gotten baby fever bad!!! I've had baby fever on and off ever since Maddy was 10 months old. I get baby fever sometimes to the point that I just feel so sad and I just think that's crazy! Luckily I am able to focus my thoughts on Maddy and am beyond thankful to have her. We have so much fun together and she is truly my everything. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with her I felt very strongly about wanting to give birth at home in the tub. I wasn't smart enough to go research it to see if it was possible. I just assumed it wasn't and stuck with the whole hospital thing. After watching Lora's journey and watching a few others, I have come to the conclusion that if I am blessed enough to get married and have another child....I WILL be having a water birth at home. I feel a midwife has more of my beliefs as far as birthing goes than an OB-GYN. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my OB-GYN doctor, but I disagree with being induced and the hospitals approach of handing out pitocin like it's candy to get you out faster. Some people may think that's just plum crazy, but it's just how I feel. A lot of prayer went into my pregnancy and delivery day. I've talked about that in another post, so I won't go into again here. I did go into labor on my own and did not need pitocin. I truly feel had I been able to stay home that I would have delivered faster for one thing and two I would have been able to handle it. I did have the baby blues after I gave birth and I just feel that that would not have happened if I had a natural birth. I really wanted to have a natural birth. I also feel that having a hospital birth ruined my nursing experience. Lora got postpartum depression after her first two sons were born and had to get prescription medicines for it, but with her home birth she has not had any depression or blues. I just think having a natural birth in the comfort (ok so it's not comforting cause you are in intense pain but you get the idea) of your own home is better for mom and baby. I didn't realize until I got to the hospital that I had been in a zone and in control as I labored at home. I was able to move around freely and get in the tub as I wanted to. The contractions hurt so bad and were coming every 1-2 minutes, but I had it under control. Once I got to the hospital and they were so impatient with me and telling me I was inconveniencing them by moving around too much, I was unable to handle the pain of the contractions. I realized my concentration had been broken and there was no going back. It's amazing what our bodies do. This is kind of pointless for most of you, but oh well. I don't think women who prefer a hospital birth are crazy or not good...I do firmly believe people should do what THEY feel the most comfortable doing...that's what is best for them.

Manny gave me a scare last night. I noticed he wouldn't come lay with me in bed. I tried calling him but realized he was unable to get up. I got scared because it was his back end. I did everything I could think of to try to coax him up, including getting a treat and laying it down. He didn't even bother to come get it. He did sit up and kept looking behind him as if he were telling me his back end hurt. His eyes did look a little glazed over like they would if he were in a seizure. I thought maybe he was having a seizure and I just didn't notice. I got his treat and brought it to him and he took it. If he had been in a seizure he wouldn't have taken it. I also had good control of his body and with a seizure he doesn't. I couldn't bring myself to look where he was hurting for fear I'd see blood or that I would touch him and it would lead to him yelping over and over constantly. I honestly thought his kidneys were shutting down. I got down and hugged him and calmly petted him and sang Jesus Loves me one time then started praying. I felt a strong urge to check him out but just wasn't ready so I sang again and kept telling him I was here with him and that he would be ok and he just hugged me back. He seemed very thankful that I was there. Finally I got brave and checked him out only to find his hind leg had got caught up in his harness and he was just stuck. Oh I let out a huge sigh of relief and he went running around like a broncing bull. He curled up beside me and I just know by his body language he was happily telling me thank you. I didn't get to bed until 2:00 a.m. this morning so I am quite exhausted. Well, this concludes my post for now :)

Weekend Updates

We didn't really have much of a weekend. I ended up getting sick early Saturday morning with a stomach virus. I actually was up all night Friday fighting it. Needless to say, I will not be wanting Little Caesar's pizza ever again lol. Friday night is movie night at our house. That's a big deal to Maddy who is ever so addicted to the tv. She wants to watch what she wants when she wants it, so she is so happy to hear when it's movie night. I generally am still working and that occupies her a good bit until I can finish. Before vacation I had been letting her sleep out in the living room on her couch and I would fall asleep beside her on the floor. It's not very comfy for me, but it's a lot more comfy than trying to cram us both in her bed lol. Friday nights around here are just fun filled nights and we do things I normally say no to, such as falling asleep to the tv. I stayed up most of Friday night. Saturday I literally laid down all day. Maddy kept telling me to let her know when I was done being sick...as if I really had a choice lol. I thought it was cute though. Poor thing just wanted mommy to play with her. She ended up taking a nap around 2 p.m. and we both woke up around 4 p.m. I had to gather the strength to get up and get our groceries for the week because Saturday is the ONLY day I have to do so. As I was getting Maddy ready I quickly lost any strength I had and wasn't sure I would make it anywhere. I knew I needed to eat something and all I could think of was frozen yogurt. It's by the grace of God that we did actually make it to the frozen yogurt shop. I got chocolate and Maddy got Watermelon with a bunch of candies. I was quite disappointed that the yogurt didn't taste as good to me as I thought it would. In fact, it made me feel quite puny. After our yogurt and a battle in my head about going home or going to the store, I finally decided I needed to go to the store if we wanted to eat this week lol. Once we got home I cooked dinner, which was lawnmower taco casserole, and then put Maddy to bed and crashed.

Maddy did a good job of keeping herself busy. She was talking to herself (no idea where she gets THAT from) saying, "I just have to color all this book." This little girl is a ball of energy. She is truly very special and a gift from God. There are many days I just stare at her and still can't believe she is here and is mine (yes she is God's and I am just taking care of her on Earth).

Sunday consisted of a bunch of rain. We got bumped up into the slight risk for severe weather, but we weren't really expecting anything severe...definitely no tornadoes.

We didn't make it to church at all today. I really really wanted to go, but I just did not have the energy or strength to get both of us ready. I might could have gone if I just had to get one person ready, but no way could I have gotten us both ready. I attempted to do a load of dishes and a load of laundry, but it didn't work out too well for me lol. I also attempted to make my first batch of boiled squash...again..just not my day cause it didn't really taste that good. I'm  hoping it's just that my taste buds are messed up, but I think I used a little too much water when I cooked them. Oh well...That was our weekend. I definitely feel like I need another weekend because I didn't get to play with Maddy at all and that makes me so sad. She is SUCH a sweetheart! Thursday night she came up to me while I was working and gave me the biggest hug and said, "Mommy....you are the best mommy in the world!" It honestly caught me by surprise because she has NEVER said anything like that before. Those are the moments I will cherish forever :) Hope you all had a great weekend!!!

Vacation 2013

I am still trying to figure out the whole video editing software thing. I thought what I was using was a 30 day free trial, but it wasn't lol. I'm going to have to learn the software before I can really use it, which could take forever, so I thought I better go ahead and write about vacation.

The week of vacation was so hard on me...not because anything went wrong per say, but more-so my level excitement was out the roof! Friday afternoon was a bit rough on me. It was the day I took Manny to the vets to get his shots and drop him off. He never yelps when they give him shots, but he yelped so loudly this time I almost intervened and made them stop. I was already emotional having to leave him...I didn't want him in that kind of pain. I really feel like it's because they normally let me hold him while he is on the table and they didn't that day so he was scared on top of the injections hurting. Poor buddy thought he was going right back home after the shots and exam because we had to go back to the lobby for them to take him back. He was quite disappointed when he realized he wasn't leaving...in fact, the only way they got him back to his "doggy hotel" was me walking him back there. That was even harder on me because the workers grabbed him by his neck to try to keep him in the kennel...that is NOT how I treat him!!! After I got him dropped off it was time to go get my rental car. The Lord worked it out and let a 2012 Camry be available. It's what I drove last year and it's an awesome car! If I weren't so devoted to Honda I would most certainly buy one of those lol.

It's a sharp looking car AND it's FOUR door!!! Talk about NOT wanting to give it back lol. I am VERY thankful for the car I have, but after driving a car in great condition it made me do some car searching and provided I keep my current job, in 2016 I plan on buying a 2013 Honda Accord. That's another post though lol. Once I got my car I had to go get Maddy and run to Target and Kohl's for sunglasses and leggings. I got up at 4 a.m. to get my work done, so by the time I left to take Manny I was done for the day. We celebrated my cousin's 2nd birthday at our church. Me and Maddy were a tad bit late, but luckily not many people noticed lol. I didn't get any pictures from the party, but Elmo made an appearance and we all had a great time. Maddy was scared of Elmo and frankly I was too lol. After the birthday party it was time to go home and pack, or finish packing. I packed as much as I could the weekend of Mother's Day because I knew if I didn't I would forget something and I would never get any sleep the night before we left. As I've mentioned before I have learned I cannot sleep when Manny is not here...when any of my kids aren't here for that fact, so as soon as we got packed up we headed for "Nana's." I was supposed to have taken Manny his (my blanket I got for Christmas that he has claimed as his own) blanket because I didn't know they could have stuff like that, after Aria's party. With everything going on I completely forgot. My mom texted me and told me to bring it to her house and my uncle would take it to him for me. I was SO thankful for my uncle because I knew that would help Manny out and all they give them to lay on is a little towel. I think I got maybe 4 hours sleep before it was time to roll on out. I can tell Maddy is my daughter because she is NOT a morning person at all and it takes her a good while to wake up. It didn't help that she didn't sleep until I got to sleep and so she only had four hours too. She was so cranky and wouldn't let me get her dressed for anything.I think it was around 6 a.m. when we finally left. We were meeting my step brother and his girlfriend in Georgia along the way. It was an interesting drive on the way there. We had to stop twice for me to catch up because I couldn't switch lanes in time to be where I needed to be. On the way there I realized I grabbed the wrong cord for my GPS so I had nothing to go off of...my step dad let me use his iPad and I felt MUCH better :) We ate at Shoney's for breakfast. We got to Panama City Beach, FL around 1 p.m. their time. Of coarse the first thing we do is get our stuff in...look around the condo for a bit...then just stare at the ocean in disbelief that we are actually there. Maddy of coarse was ready to go to the beach the minute she walked through the door. I have mostly pictures to share of our trip, but want to write out where we ate each day for memory's sake...I will do that at the end. I do have videos that I will more than likely be sharing, but I want to edit them first and make it a little more enjoyable for everybody to watch :) All in all we had a great trip and were so very thankful to get to go. Me and Maddy are still having a hard time adjusting back to normal life and we MUCH prefer vacation life where we actually get to spend time together and sleep in the same bed and all that fun stuff you do on vacation :)

 The week we were in Florida, TN got some severe weather. We ran into some of that heavy rain on our way. It made me a nervous wreck because it was raining so hard I couldn't see. Maddy was exhausted and she FINALLY gave in before we stopped for breakfast...or maybe it was after...I can't remember.

This is when we were getting checked into the condo...she was in mid sentence saying beach

We progressed from just staring at the beach to getting Maddy's bathing suit on

This year we tried out a new game...it was lots of fun, but Maddy had a little trouble with it :)

I am ALWAYS proud of Maddy, but I was so proud of her for conquering her fear of the water. She was scared initally like she has always been, but after being held for a little bit and seeing it was okay to getting down and holding hands and trying to jump over the waves to eventually just running towards the water whether an adult was there or not, she got over her fear. Sure she was still unsure of it, but she would walk in it and before we left walked out far enough that her stomach got hit by the waves...I was shocked.

For dinner we did our traditional Scampy's run. It's right across the street from our condo and we just walk there. It is some of THE best food in Panama for a decent price. If you go you have to get the fried pickles :) Maddy was so tired that we had some meltdowns on our hands lol. I got my usual popcorn shrimp and fries and Maddy got chicken fingers.

It wouldn't be vacation without playing computer in bed. We actually got to bed pretty early every night. After dinner we did go back to the "circle" pool and let her play in the water a little bit. That was the bribe I gave her to get out of the pool the first time. It worked like a charm the first time lol. I don't remember the exact time we got to bed but it was around 8:45-ish or 9 p.m. For me that is super early because I'm used to going to bed no earlier than 11, but more like midnight. I slept so good on vacation. Rarely woke up and actually woke up before Maddy, which NEVER happens at home. I would wake up around 7 but snoozed off and on until Maddy woke up. She generally woke up between 8:30 and 8:45 a.m. When we woke up it was always straight to the patio outside. We would give my step dad our breakfast orders and he would go get breakfast at a place called the Omelet house. Maddy always got bacon, eggs, toast, and grits. I didn't eat breakfast until the last day and got an omelet that had ham, cheese, and jalapeno...it was very yummy!

I had to get some pictures of us together too...I had a mini photo shoot in bed.

Breakfast time with Pops and Nana

The big thing this year was not making a sand castle, but making a sand snowman...she would get so mad at the water though for taking away her hole or her sandman

For lunch on Sunday we walked down the beach to eat at Schooner's. I've never eaten their food other than Key Lime Pie, which is out of this world, so I can't really speak to it. Maddy got a cheeseburger and barely ate it. She was so tired the entire trip. We played hard in the sun for 7 hours or so...give or take 2 hours for her nap.

My hair would not curl for anything down there...it was super soft though...I am loving my new hair cut...I'm not sure I've shared those pictures with you guys yet.

I love this picture of Maddy and my step dad...she loves him with everything she has and he does the same. Clearly I got a little burnt...I'm trying to remember where we were eating...I don't think all these pictures are from the same day. The picture looks like it's at Scampy's, but I don't remember eating there twice this trip. I do remember my step dad asking Maddy where she kept getting all her cute shirts...this has to be Scampy's...actually it is Scampy's...we did eat there twice.

Of coarse Maddy adores her Nana too and her Nana beyond adores Maddy. As you can see Maddy got real brave and would jump off the side of the pool. She didn't care if you were ready or not...she always was under the impression you'd be there to catch her. Definitely had to be on guard at all times lol.

Yep, Maddy was even brave enough to feed the animals on her own. The zoo is the only place away from the condo we went.  Most of these are just from my phone...I still have some on camera but I will not post every picture I have or every picture I may want to. I will have to come back and add a picture of the 6-7 foot hammerhead shark we saw approximately 10 feet from the shore. Never in all my life have I ever seen a shark just go swimming by. It happened Tuesday...the day we went to the zoo. Everybody was screaming SHARK!!! I was in disbelief. My mom was able to get a picture of it. Once I post the picture if you have the ability to zoom in, you should do so because you can really see it pretty good when you do. Another shark was spotted a little further out sometime through the week. I was ok and thought it was neat because all of us were still at the condo, but had we been swimming I would have gone through all the what if's. OH!! One more picture I want to share...

Ok, this isn't one picture and this isn't even the picture I was looking for. I wanted to share the picture of the aqua cycle we rode out in the ocean, but for whatever reason it isn't in my photo stream album. Me, my mom and Maddy rode it out to the sandbar. It would have been more fun if I didn't think we were going to flip over because we couldn't keep it straight at the waves. Maddy didn't like it at all and had a death grip on me and my mom. The sunset there is so pretty and this one night the colors were so beautiful. There is nothing like a Florida sunset. There are tons more pictures but I better stop here. Here is where we ate:
Saturday-Scampy's
Sunday-Triple J's Steakhouse
Monday-I think we went back to Scampy's
Tuesday-Scampy's
Wednesday-Pineapple Willy's
Thursday-Captain Andersons

It's hard to tell from this picture, but if you look closely you can see the hammerhead shark we saw

Monday Madness

The title actually has nothing to do with what I am going to talk about, but it's what came to my mind as I was working out lol. Speaking of working out, I am having to reintroduce myself to that. As I talked about in previous posts, prior to leaving for vacation I was getting my workout on. While I was on vacation there was no working out for me, other than chasing Maddy around in the sun. I'm quite sure I did burn some calories while on vacation, but it was not done in a gym or with a workout video. I really don't mind working out while on vacation if I have access to a workout room. I also am a bit sad to say that I cheated on my soft drink consumption cut down. That's a horrible sentence, but it will have to do for now lol. I started out great, but ended bad. While being home I have done even worse because we had nothing to eat or drink. We got back late and there was no going to the store for anything. It was hard enough getting up to go to work the next day, so I can only imagine how much worse it would have been had I gone to the store. No need to worry though...I did not starve or thirst Maddy to death...we just lived off gas station drinks (thanks to the .25 roo cup refills) and dollar store food. I actually told my mom that I would be so thankful for Saturday to roll around not just because I am off work, but mainly so I can go to the store and get us some real food and drinks lol. I do still have to do our vacation post. I am actually exploring the world of video editing. As I thought it's a lot more time consuming than blogging, but the results are much better in my opinion. When I first got my video camera I contemplated starting to vlog...yeah...I might post that first little clip I did to show you how painful that would be lol. I don't really want to post our vacation until I can get a video put together. I think I have found the software I want to use, but I gotta wait until I can pay for it. I'm trying to get the video put together before my 30 day free trial is up :) I'm having fun learning about editing and can't wait until I become a pro so it isn't as time consuming. I will post one video from our vacation, but if you are on my Facebook it's nothing you haven't already seen.

I wish we were back there...we had such a nice time. Maddy is STILL trying to get back into the swing of her routine...she is about there though.

The main point of this post was going to be an update on Manny. I realized I hadn't really updated on how he was doing and for my records I would like to have it as a keepsake. Normally when we go on vacation, I leave him at my mom's and either my mom or my uncle will take care of him. Since he is in kidney failure, it was best to board him at the vet's. If I could have taken him I sure would have, but traveling alone with a toddler AND a dog...that's a recipe for disaster. Once Maddy is older he will definitely be going with us...no matter what the cost. Anyways, in order to be boarded he had to be up to date on his shots as well as get a boarding cough shot...I forgot the name lol. I hadn't kept him up to date on his shots because they are quite costly and then you add the kidney disease and it was just not a priority. Technically, I should be taking him to the vet's every month for a kidney panel check...yeah..well...that ain't happenin either because it's quite costly and isn't needed...right now anyways. Thankfully his vet didn't try to get me to let him check his kidney panel, he just took information. We hadn't been to the vet since February...oops! In that time frame he has managed to keep most of his weight...he had lost about a pound or pound and a half since we last had him checked, but the vet was very pleased. His only real issue right now is his itchiness is coming back and getting worse and worse. He received some kind of shot that had received back in December that is supposed to last up to two weeks and then we are trying his original itchy medicine every day..two times a day...for a month. If this doesn't work the vet MAY give him a steroid shot. He really does not want to do that because it's so harsh on the kidney's and we've come a long way from where we were in December...I honestly don't know if I would allow him to get the steroid shot because I want him around as long as possible. His itching may be so very annoying and maybe even miserable, but it's not something worth dying over. Other alternatives is to bathe him often with some kind of allergenic shampoo I think. Since I have had him home I do not see any improvements in his itching. I'm a bit worried that maybe he has become immune to his medicine, but it almost seems like it took it almost the entire month last time before he had quit itching. He is my little buddy...my firstborn child. I'm not sure many people understand how attached I am to him and how much I want him to live for a long time. I love the fact that he literally hugs me when I hug on him. He will put his head on my shoulder and move his head towards my neck/head as if he were embracing me. I love the fact that when we are in bed, he HAS to be touching me. I love waking up to him right next to me. I love that he wants to protect me if he thinks someone is trying to harm me. I love how patient he is with Maddy and how he seems to protect her as well. I love seeing him lay with her on days she is sick. I love that he loves being in her room and often times will jump in her bed with her and look at me as if to say, "Okay mom...goodnight...see ya in the morning." I love how playful he can be. I love how he will talk to my mom by shaking his head yes or no. You can think I'm crazy all you want but it's an adamant yes or no. For example while waiting on his diagnosis back in December my mom asked him if he was okay...he shook his head no every time she asked. She asked if his numbers were going to be good and he would say no. Another month she asked him if he felt good and he shook his head yes and that was the time his numbers came up even since he had left the hospital. She can ask him if he knows she loves him and he will shake his head yes. They have a very strong connection. Now I just get her to ask him questions for me in yes or no answers if I need to know something lol. There are many things I love about Manny...he is very special and is truly just like one of my children. This week I have woken up and thought about what life would be like without him and it's just unbearable to think about. I can't imagine waking up without him pushed up against me. I can't imagine getting through work without him under my desk, laying on part of my blanket sound asleep. I can't imagine me and Maddy coming home to an empty house day in and day out. I think I think about these things because I went for 11 or 12 days straight without him around. I know his time is shortened due to his kidney disease and we are coming up on a year since he was diagnosed....he was only given up to three years to live max. That's not to say that God can't keep him around longer cause I know he can. I know that it's only the amount of prayers that went up when he was in the hospital that has allowed us to be where are now with his numbers and health...he really is doing really well. Anything is possible with God! I will continue to pray that God will help his itching and keep thanking Him for how well Manny has done so far. I hope you all are having a great start to your week :)

Sporadic Memory

It seems like a whirlwind of events have occurred here lately. One that is still heavy on my mind is the passing of my old pastor and founder of my church...Brother Bob Stitts. I was on vacation when I saw on Facebook that he had passed on Wednesday. My heart broke for the family because even though they all know where he is and that they will see him again, as humans we still miss those that have passed. Several people started writing out their memories of him. What came to my mind is the night I decided to walk down the aisle to let the church know I had invited Jesus into my heart and I wanted to be baptized. That is a moment I will never ever forget. I don't remember the date, but I do know it was a Sunday night. I had been trying to work my nerve up to walk in front of everybody. My mom knew I was wanting to go forward and told me to just let her know when and she would be right there. I don't remember specifically how I told her but I found myself that Sunday night walking down the aisle. Brother Bob had the biggest smile on his face and knew exactly why I was coming forward. Without saying a word he ushered me over to meet a counselor. I was shocked he knew why I was coming forward, even though I recently just figured out how he knew lol. He had been trying for a few weeks to get me to come forward....I know because he would always find me and look right at me during the invitation and then of coarse it was one of those things I just knew. I told my mom I felt like he was waiting on me to come forward and she just said he probably discerns it. He was a great leader, pastor, role model, and encourager. I attended one of his bible study classes and he had a heart that was sure on fire for the Lord. I will miss him dearly. 

For my memories sake I want to write about a dream I had. I had a strange dream while I was on vacation and I didn't really think about the meaning until I saw Brother Bob's funeral service. During the service my pastor, his son, talked about when his dad was first in the hospital he told him God had spoke to him and put the number 96 on his heart. He was hoping it meant he would live until he was 96 years old, but it wasn't. It wasn't until he passed away on Wednesday that they understood what that number meant...From the time he was in the hospital until the time he passed away it was exactly 96 days. My dream...or the main jest of the dream focused on me being pregnant. I have had dreams of being pregnant before and it is never what it seems. In my dream I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I counted when my due date would be and found it would be in April, which meant I became pregnant in July. If you look up what giving birth means, it means new life is about to begin. I don't know if it really means anything but I wanted to document the dream in case it did. I have been praying for certain things in my life and I am thinking it might have to do with that. Time will tell...that's for sure :)

I want to write about our vacation, but I'm not quite ready for that yet. I can say we went to Panama City Beach, FL and we didn't do a whole whole lot of things away from the condo. We did have an amazing time though and really had a rough time coming back to reality. Maddy is still trying to recover as a matter of fact. She got so used to us sleeping together and not having to go to school and things like that. We have been on major fit mode since returning home. Manny on the other hand is so very thankful we are back. He hasn't left my side since he came home and he seemed so happy to spend the night in bed with me last night lol. I missed him just as much as he missed me!

I am starting a year long fitness goal. I can't think of the word I'm looking for lol. I started making time to work out about a month to leaving for our vacation. I did make progress but I tend to get sick every time I start a session. I think I need to get some vitamins to prevent this. I did make some progress, but I basically lost it all two weeks before we left. I've seen what a year can do to some people who really put forth the effort and I'm convinced and determined I can change my body in a year too. I do struggle with wanting results right then, but it doesn't work that way. I plan on using Jillian Michaels workout because getting to a gym is just impossible for me, plus I feel so intimidated. I prefer working out in my home. I would love to get an elliptical, but it's just not possible this year. 

I do not have any pictures for this post, so sorry for the boring post lol. I hope everybody has had a wonderful week so far :)