Weekend Grief

I've been struggling with talking about our weekend this time around. It seems as if the devil has just decided to unleash on my family and it started the beginning of last week. Some of you who read this may not feel anything that horrible happened. I can tell you that it may not sound bad, but it sure feels awful. Last week my grandfather went in for I think his 3rd hip replacement surgery. He was scared to death he would not make it through surgery so as he was waiting to go back he decided to apologize for all the things he did or didn't do. The good news is he came out just fine and had no complications after surgery. This was the smoothest one he has had. My mom was at the hospital nonstop. Maddy had a bout of behavior issues all last week. Everything I asked her to do or even told her to do was no or she would do the complete opposite. I felt like she just did not take me seriously at all and that really bothered me. She found out at the store that mommy meant business when I put her candy back. Monday was probably the easiest day of the week for me, but not for my mom. The worst thing that I can remember happening on Monday was when I picked Maddy up from school I noticed her arm was real red then I saw a big scratch on her arm that almost looked like a gash. I asked her what happened and she said it was from an egg.

On Tuesday she got so mad at me that she actually hit me. She hasn't hit me in a long time. I have no idea why she decided to hit me that day. Needless to say she got several time outs last week. I began to feel like maybe I was doing something wrong. I remembered a post I had read on another blog that talked about how she felt like all she did with her 3 year old was discipline her and tell her no. I finally realized that Maddy was just going through on of her phases and eventually she would work it out. I was in a big mess at work...oh wait..I'm always in a big mess at work lol. Wednesday my mom came over for a visit. That was a pretty good day as well. I believe on Thursday my mom told me that her dog Toaby (he was 16 years old and I still to this day remember going and getting him from the humane society) was not doing well at all. We all knew he was not going to be around much longer, but I didn't think it would hurt as bad as it did when the time came...especially since I wasn't living with him anymore...I was wrong. On Saturday I woke up and I just started thinking about Toaby and I felt real sad. I texted my mom this and this was her reply.

I was glad she told me, but at the same time part of me wished I hadn't known. I had to pray all the way up to her house that I wouldn't cry. When I walked through the door I instantly felt sadness and empty. My mom did a great job of putting on her happy face for Maddy. We played for a little bit then jumped in the car to go get ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better lol. Here is a cute pic of Maddy I took before we went to my mom's.

My mom and I were talking at Baskin Robbins and it got on the subject of Toaby and we both struggled to keep our composure so we decided it was a great time to leave. I've been without a vacuum and with Manny here I was in desperate need of one. I compared lots of vacuum's and decided to go with the Hoover pet vacuum. I love it because it's a purple-y color and it really has done a great job so far...but it's still new lol.

On Sunday we did our normal routine of going to church. Maddy loves church even though she struggles with the initial seperation. She told me before we left that she liked church but she might cry. I told her it was ok to cry sometimes when we are sad. She said, "Yeah." When we got to church she was so proud to be walking with us without holding my hand...I don't normally let her do that lol. We got our beeper and went to her room. She hesitated going in, but she did finally walk in on her own. I kept telling her it would be ok and mommy would be right back for her. I'm hoping to get her involved in Awana's and children's choir when they start back. I really think she will love it. Our pastor has been preaching on brokenness and this Sunday preached about when we are going through brokenness it's natural to ask why but instead of asking why to look for the possiblities that can come from it such as it draws us closer to God. My devotion has been right in line with what he has been preaching and it is at a much needed time.

There have been some real eye opening things that have happened to us since we started going to church again. I am choosing to keep those things private. I will ask for a silent prayer request for Maddy.  We went back up to my mom's for a little bit to help them move in their new couch and so they could help me get my vacuum cord unstuck lol. Maddy still calls my mom's house her house. She made it clear she wanted to go home. It was told to her that she was home and she said, "No! my nana's house" I think she is still struggling some with us moving. I don't blame her...my mom's house was the only home she's known. When it was time to leave my mom gave her some money to buy her a new movie. I wish I had taken some video of it because she held onto that money. She sat it down so she could eat her candy, but when we got to the store she was looking frantically for her money. I told her I was going to hold it until we got in the store. WHen we got in the store she made sure to keep her money. She was borderline not getting a movie because she wouldn't listen, but I was able to salvage her mood and get her movie. She has really gotten into the new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on tv. I was looking for a caillou one but she already had the only one they had. She picked an Elmo out and just as we were leaving I saw Mickey Mouse. I asked her which she wanted and she picked one out and still wanted Elmo...I couldn't tell her no so she got 2 movies.

We did have a good weekend, but there were some very sad moments. Toaby was such a great dog who had a big heart. When you were sick or sad he would come curl up right beside you to comfort you. He had so much life in him even in his old age. When we first got him we were convinced we had beethoven on our hands. He had such big paws and destroyed our house. Everything you saw on Marley and Me we experienced with Toaby and the sadness of them losing Marley is the same sadness we feel over losing Toaby. Our pets are family too and Toaby will be greatly missed. I'm going to post my favorite picture of him. This was taken in 2006.

He Said and More

There's a song I've fallen in love with on the radio. It's by Group 1 Crew and called He Said. I heard this song at just the perfect time a few weeks ago and find myself once again needing to hear the words. This week has been a bit rough. Maddy has not been herself, work is just a mess as usual, and I have some personal issues I'm also dealing with. This song is a great reminder that everything I'm going through is something I can handle because it's been given to me. Sometimes I feel like I might break, but it's these moments in life that end up teaching you the most and helping you grow as a person. No matter what you're going through just remember God is always there!

On a completely different note...I made my first fettuccine alfredo tonight. I think it turned out pretty good, just took a while to cook lol.

I've had a rough time keeping up with daily chores this week. I'm hoping this isn't how it's going to be from here on out. I have stayed behind all week, so I'm hoping it's just this tough time and it'll pass.

I seem to be ready for Christmas already. I'm not looking forward to the cold weather, but I am ready for Christmas. I've already bought Maddy one present, but it's only because it's a new item and stores were selling out fast for their preorder. I jumped on board and am so excited for her to have it. I feel quite certain I will be sick looking through the black friday sales because I'm sure somewhere will have it for a great price. Oh well lol.

I've been gearing up for Maddy's birthday. In just two short months she will be three years old. I seriously can't believe that. I've been toying with the idea of going to River City Pottery for her party to let her and the other kids paint pottery and then coming back here for her group present, but I can't decide. I may have already mentioned this in another post, but if not...I am asking family members to contribute to a group gift of a wooden swing set. I've been looking around online for those as well and it's just amazing how expensive they can be. Her theme is going to be Caillou. I've asked her a bunch of times what she wanted and it was between Bob, Barney, Caillou, and Elmo. She switches back and forth a lot, but when she wants to watch a movie it's always Caillou.

Maddy is fixing to transition to the next classroom sometime in mid August. I'm kind of glad because she runs to that room a bunch. I think she is getting bored with the class she's in now and their toys. She's been in this room since January.

I got my flute back!!! I played it a little today and surprisingly could still read most of the music lol. I have trouble glancing at the flats and sharps, but I'm hoping it won't be too long before I pick it back up. My advice to anybody who plays an instrument...do NOT put it down!!! I put my flute down approximately six years ago. I have missed playing it and am hoping I can get involved in the church orchestra once again. I have missed church...I've been off and on since Maddy was born, but I'm so glad to be back at my home church.

I do believe I've rambled enough for one night. Thank goodness it's Friday tomorrow :)

Weekend Ramblings

Maddy and I had a busy but fun weekend. This year my mom turned 50. She wanted to make a big deal about her birthday, which is unusual for her. We had a party at my uncle's Friday night. It was supposed to be a surprise, but my mom finds out everything lol. We were supposed to be there at 6:00 p.m. Maddy and I were late. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and logged into work. I got done at 4:08 but I had something that had to be turned in by Friday before I left, so I ended up not getting done until 5. I got Maddy around 5:30 p.m. and then we headed to my uncle's. On our way we ran into some heavy heavy downpours of rain. It sounded like hail was mixed in. That delayed us a bit because I could barely see what was in front of me and I figured my mom would rather us show up late and safe than on time and injured. When we pulled up we saw a big sign outside that said, "Guess who's turning 50?" and had a picture of my mom as a kid on it. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking.

 This is "baby" Aria. She has come a long way. She and Maddy are so similar in their actions it's not even funny. It's almost as if they are the same person with a few differences lol. They are only 8 months apart and have great potential to be best friends.

Our family is very talented in the cake making arena. My aunt made this cake for my mom. My mom has been able to make her cakes taste like a local bakery called The Federal Bake Shop. That is my favorite bakery and I love that my mom can make her cakes taste pretty similar to theirs!

We had lots of yummy food. There were hamburger and hot dogs with all the fixings one could need for either. 

Maddy loved this horse. It went super fast on the floor and she just had a ball!

We had lots of fun. I think this was probably the best birthday party our family has had in long time. After we ate and my mom opened presents the kids (including myself) gathered in the living room to play Just Dance 3 on the Kinect. I am addicted to that game and now me and my niece both want an xbox and kinect lol. Aria and Maddy both jumped right up there with us and started getting the hang of some of the moves. It was the cutest thing ever. Maddy and Aria got to take a bath together. Maddy was trying so hard not to smile the entire time. She doesn't like getting baths..it's the process of getting in she hates. Once she's in the tub she doesn't want to get out. They sat side by side playing with their own little toy. My aunt and uncle's dog Diddle came to check on them as well. I don't have a picture on my camera, but will get one. We didn't get home until midnight. I decided since I didn't have to deal with work for once I would let Maddy stay up. We popped in a movie and watched a little of it. 

 Yes, even Manny joined us for our movie. I know I've said this a bunch already, but he is so good with Maddy. He never even attempts to grown or snap at her. He just takes whatever she does to him and looks at me like would you please help me lol,

Maddy was loving on Manny. It looks like he was enjoying it from here lol. We didn't get to bed until 12:40 a.m. Maddy didn't wake up until 9:30 Saturday morning. We went back up to my mom's for the day. We ended up taking an all day shopping trip. We went to Mckay's to trade in some movies. Luckily Maddy fell asleep so it worked out very well. I got Maddy some new movies and hardly paid anything for them. She got Barney, 2 Caillou's, and an Elmo movie. I got two movies that are for both of us...Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 and Hotel For Dogs. She is a little young to really enjoy them right now but it won't be long and she'll love them. She actually watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 for a little bit on both Saturday and Sunday. From Mckays we headed over to Sams. My mom wanted to get her a blu-ray player as a gift to herself. After Sams we got some lunch at my favorite restaurant...Olive Garden. We were all starving, so Maddy's mood was on the verge of losing it. She did really well, but she didn't want to listen. She was wanting some ice. I had told her no, so what does she do?? She decides to stick her finger in her lid where the straw goes to try to get her ice. She got her finger all the in, but realized she couldn't get it off. She would not let me or anybody else try to help her. She had huge tears in her eyes. I left her alone with it on her finger for a while, until I noticed her finger was swelling and she had no circulation. My mom and I took her to the bathroom to get it off. My mom tried but Maddy just boohooed and put herself in a corner. I finally said I'm just going to do it. Maddy was saying no no no and crying so my mom got her on her leg to hold her/comfort her and I had to tear the lid open. I almost couldn't get it off of her and I started to panic just a little. When my panick set in is when I got strength to pry it apart. Before I realized how severe the problem was I snapped a picture because it looked hilarious.

She listened for a good while after that incident. I felt so bad when I got it off. Lids have sharp points on them and it was just digging into her finger. The more you touched it the more it dug into her and I know that had to really hurt. She was a trooper! After lunch we went to Office Depot and Babies R Us. It was a fun day but after we done I was pretty tired. Sunday we went to church again. I amazed with how God can work. I've felt like I was supposed to go back to my old church for a little while now. I ignored it for my own reasons. The church I had been going to Maddy literally cried the entire time I was in church. The workers weren't that nice and I just decided it wasn't worth it to put her through that, especially since she has problems with her daycare. My mom mentioned trying our old church again last week and I jumped on board to go try it with them. I told Maddy we were going to church and she would get to play. She was fine with it, until we got there. As I said in my last weekend post she did cry, but she actually let them take her. At the church we were going to she refused to let them even take her. When I went back for her she was playing and happy. This week she told me at home that she wanted to go to church, but that she might cry. I assured her I would be back to get her and she said ok. She actually walked in the nursery herself...she was little hesitant, but she did it. The worker picked her up to help her. Maddy did have tears in her eyes but I never saw her cry. I definitely feel that we are supposed to be at my old church and I'm thinking we are going to make that our home church...again. I am so happy that she is doing so well with going to the nursery. After church we came home and cleaned (although it is messy all over again from me getting boxes from my mom's to go through) and then got ready to go to my mom's and then the store. She got to play with her car some outside. My mom and step dad were putting together my mom's desk. Maddy decided she wanted to help too.

Maddy was beyond tired so I got her to rock with me and watch a movie. We both ended up falling asleep and pictures were taken lol.

When we got home Maddy had to eat one of her cupcakes, then it was time to make my grandfather a get well soon card. He is going in for another hip replacement and he is very nervous. His past 3 surgeries something bad has happened...the last surgery the hospital literally almost killed him because they failed to give him his blood pressure medicine and his blood pressure was almost non existent. Maddy had so much fun making cards. She chose Christmas colors, so I definitely know she is my child lol.

We had so much fun this weekend and are ready for the next weekend! Hope you all had a fantastic weekend and hopefully the week will go smooth :)

Week In Review

I'm supposed to be exercising, but I'm so tired that I just decided to write this post so my weekend review/recap won't be so long. This post is going to be a bunch of random ramblings put together. Maddy and I had a good week. Maddy doesn't ask if we are going to her new house as much as she did. I think she's starting to settle into our routine.

I've decided on a cooking schedule that just sort of happened. I don't need to cook every day because a lot of food would be wasted that way. I cook on Tuesday's and Thursday's and the days in between we eat left overs or something quick like hot dogs. This Tuesday we had hamburgers. I don't have a grill, nor would I even know how to cook on one, but I do have a griddle. When I think of griddle's I think pancakes. I decided to try it out and cook burgers. I've had to get a lot of help from my mom because I haven't really cooked much of anything up until now...I know I know that's pretty sad but I'm learning lol. They turned out pretty good. I made mine in a heart shape and then I made Maddy a little burger. She was so excited because she LOVES pickles. She ate all but one bite of her burger. I'd say it was a success lol.

Tuesday is also bath night for Maddy. She climbed in the tub like she normally did and I turned around for one second to sit something on the sink (it was still in the bathroom) and I turn back around and see a pretty good sized spider on Maddy's back. I about freaked...not because I'm scared of spiders per say, but because I knew I couldn't just s mush it because it might cause it to bite her. I got her loofah and scraped it off her and into the water. She had no idea thank goodness because she is really scared of spiders. I got one of her toys and scooped it out.

 It is apparently a water spider because I kept pouring water straight on it to try to um, well, you know lol...and it would lay still for a long time and then start moving again. I finally flushed it down the toilet. Maddy had no clue. I did scare her though because I felt like I had spider's crawling on me that entire night and actually screamed. She started to cry and said she wanted out of the tub. I told her mommy was just being silly. Speaking of spiders, Wednesday I saw a spider just appear on the arm of my couch. It was headed under my mail so I just smushed it in hopes I got it. I never checked because I didn't think I did get it and I didn't want to be paranoid all day. My mom stopped by for a little bit so I decided to take a peek. Surprisingly I did get it and I took a closer look at it and discovered it was in fact a black widow. Yeah, this girl kinda freaked out a bit. I have several of them in my water meter area. We are going to spray because that is one thing that can't be ignored. I'm so glad the black widow is not what was on Maddy.

Along with the spider on Maddy, we had some decent storms move into our area.

I love my weather app! The lightening was pretty bad and then the of coarse the loud thunder claps. I could hear the wind whipping outside from my living room. I don't like that sound...sounds so eery.

Tomorrow I have to make sure to be up at 4 a.m. so I can get all my work done before I get Maddy. I can't say why on here just yet, but will write about it later :)

Maddy loves to sing! Every morning and afternoon we sing sing sing. I'm constantly turning the radio up and down in volume because like me, she likes her music loud, but she tries to talk to me and I can't hear her over the music so I turn it down. When I turn it down she gets frustrated and tells me to turn it up. We were stuck in traffic and I realized she was singing Are You Sleeping and was singing it in french with them. I tried to hurry and record, but I didn't quite make that part. It's still cute to hear her sing with the music.

Manny (my dog) has become more at ease this week thank goodness. The first two days I think I spent more time taking him out than anything else...including work. I began to get a little worried because I couldn't keep up that kind of scheule. Yesterday after he did his business he laid on the couch for the longest time. As long as I don't get up then he will stay put. I was so thankful. He has used the bathroom one time on my new rug, but after the frustration left I was thankful it was my rug and not the floor. It's easier to replace a new rug over a floor :) I did immediately wash the rug best I could and now keep Maddy's couch sprawled out over it to defer him from doing it again. He doesn't let you know he needs to go out like most dogs do. He just starts sniffing, which makes it hard because he has some kind of skin issue and scratches all the time and he sniffs all the time. I'm starting to figure it out a little better now but it's a guessing game most of the time. I love him to death and he has really helped me with this move. He is my little buddy :)

I took this today. He had been asleep, but heard me get up so he was keeping his eye on me. You can kind of see his skin problem in the picture. I put this on a site I use on my phone and used the blur feature. Right now we are both on my couch.

I did something I don't normally do. I went ahead and ordered Maddy's Christmas dress and one outfit. Totsy is having a Christmas in July sale and they had the brand I love...Rare Editions. In the stores they run $32...Totsy has them for $14. The two outfits I bought came to about the same price as 1 dress would cost in stores.

Are those not cute?? If you plan on from buying from Totsy would you please help me out and use this link? This is my first time ordering from them...I usually order from Zulily but they are doing back to school and that doesn't apply to me as of yet. It's hard to believe that in just two short years I will be dealing with back to school stuff. I choose not to think of that just yet because I'm no where near ready for my baby to start that journey.

Tonight's dinner consisted of taco's, strawberries, and chocolate lol.

Maddy had something she wanted to say about it.

This post was longer than I anticipated. Tomorrow is Friday and I'm so thankful for that. We are in for some more storms a little later. Tomorrow is my mom's birthday. I hope it's a special day for her...she truly deserves it.

I hope you all have a great weekend!!!

Vacation Days 5&6

I'm finally getting around to finished our vacation posts. I'm hoping as I look at pictures it will help me remember what we did lol, During the day we did our normal playing in the water. We started out at Aqualand and ended up going on the beach for a little bit. Maddy wanted to try going out to the water again, so we stood in the water until it splashed us in the face. I was amazed at just how strong the waves were. There was no way I could have taken her out further. She enjoyed just watching the water and feeling it get her legs.  Thursday morning she had to make sure baby was dressed. The video is a bit long but she works on dressing baby until she suceeded.

There were storms brewing out at sea and I was able to capture what I think is a neat picture.

I was surprised at how far away the storm looked from the radar compared to how close it looked in real person. Maddy was asleep when I took this picture.

As you can see she really enjoyed her naps lol. She woke up around 4 p.m. so we just went straight to dinner. We ate at Scampy's again and got the exact same thing we did the first time, but added an order of fried pickles...yum yum! After dinner we went back to the hotel and chilled out. We got to bed around 11 p.m. I can't remember what time we woke up Friday morning. I want to say around 6:50 or 7:00 a.m. By this point in the trip I think Maddy was beyond ready to be home as well as just plum exhausted. It was very frustrating at the pool because all the kids would try to "play" with her toys. She did not like that and I really didn't either because they wouldn't play with her, they took her toys and played with other people. Maddy doesn't like a lot of water so she was already limited in what she could play with.

We did take advantage of her eating free and ate at the poolside grill. I went ahead and got a fruit bowl so hers would be free. She loved the fruit.

We also had a little visitor come visit us.

After a few hours of playing it was time to go lay down. Maddy actually told me she was ready to lay down which shocked the pants off of me. We carried our food to the room to save for later. As usual we took her wet bathing suit off and left her in just a diaper to curl up in the bed with. She LOVED sleeping like that.

For dinner I tried taking us to Pineapple Willy's. I love to eat there because of the atmosphere. It is an outdoor restaurant on a pier and it's just a nice view. I wasn't thinking about it being Friday, which meant even the locals would be going there because of the bar and other activities they hold. The first parking lot was full so I decided to try the additional parking lot and IT was full. I decided it just wasn't worth it so I had to figure out something else. Luckily I had my GPS and had some restaurants plugged in. We ended up at Deadeye Dick's Steakhouse. It's a rather odd restaurant with odd food. The feel was like a Texas Roadhouse, but the menu is just weird. Maddy ordered her first cocktail and it was called Shark Attack. It was real neat because they bring this cup out with a shark sticking out of the drink with a cherry in it's mouth. They have the kids pull the cherry out and then turn the shark over and this red juice stuff comes out to make it look like blood. Maddy actually did a little of it and seemed to enjoy it. She got to keep the shark.

This is an odd picture I know, but the shark attack description is on the very bottom and you can kind of see the picture beside it. All the other kids around us got the same drink so it must be popular with the kids.

Maddy had pizza and I had a 12 oz ribeye. I wanted to look around in their gift shop when we were done but we still had to buy gifts for everybody and Maddy was already having some issues during dinner. I figured I better save the shopping for a little later. We went to Alvin's Island. It was a 3 story store and I wished I had known because I kept her in her stroller. I knew there was no way she would survive without the stroller. We started the shopping off with a rough start. I was trying to find a visor my mom wanted and in the mean time Maddy managed to get herself out of her stroller and took off running. She was running so fast that even with me running I could not see her. The store is on the main road and it honestly scared me to death. I finally caught up to her and she thought it was funny. This mommy did NOT think it was funny and actually received her very first spanking. I know the issue of spanking is a huge topic/debate and I will admit that I am against spanking. I don't think it should be the first option and it needs to be done a certain way and you have to make sure it's not abuse. I understand all of that. I did not publicly spank her because I don't believe in humiliating them. It was one pop and she didn't even cry. After that her attitude did an about face. She was getting restless and I understood because it was taking me forever to find what I needed/wanted. On our way back to the hotel I was in tears because I did have to spank her and just wanted to grab her up and tell her sorry. I did explain why she got the spanking and told her I loved her. When we got back to the hotel she was a completely different child. I had to call my mom because I was about to lose it. That has been her only spanking. Once we got back to the hotel she watched the polynesian dance and fire show and I packed. I was sad our time was coming to an end but at the same time I was ready to get back home. On our way home on Saturday I stopped at a rest area and thought the scenery was beautiful. 

As always Maddy did exceptionally well in the car. We were so glad to be home. I am already thinking about next year and really hope I can figure out a way to squeeze in a vacation for us. I am going to try to save most of my tax money for two years in a row to try to save for a newer car, but that means giving up vacation and I don't know if I can lol. I'm praying the Lord will allow me to do both.