Leap Of Faith

It's kinda strange to me how I could go from super excited about moving out to super scared. I dreamed of this day for so long and thought of all the memories me and Maddy would create. Before I give the wrong impression I am still so very happy to have a place to create "home" for us, but as of this weekend I have had some major doubts as to whether or not I made the right decision. These doubts all came because once again my job is not going so well. I've had a lot of time to think this weekend and I came to the realization that what I'm feeling is my faith being tested. I should have known immediately because just the other day I saw a church sign that talked about our faith being tested. The picture my sister got me for my birthday was just perfect because I am clinging to that verse, "For I know the plans I have for you..." I've felt like the Lord was going to be making some changes in my life for a while now. One of those changes really happened...me and Maddy have our own place. It just makes me so happy to see her light up when she is in her new house. She still likes her Nana and Pops' house, but she also likes her house and honestly that just makes everything worth while. I still feel like there are more changes around the corner and I have an idea what, but no idea how it's all going to happen. They are both happy things, but it's the uncertainty of what will happen to get us there that freaks me out a bit. I know I'm not supposed to worry, especially when it's in the future. That is something I struggle greatly with....I worry about any and everything. I'm not so much a "what if" person but in some areas I can be. I know people get tired of hearing my stressors and I try to keep it to a minimum but this is kinda who I am for now. I do pray and I do feel at least some comforted knowing God has my back, but it's still a little scary not knowing what's going to happen and where will it leave you. I have a movie and a few songs that are constantly in my head. The song That's What Faith Can Do-Kutless, the movie Courageous, and the song/movie The Voice Of Truth &Facing the Giants. The first song is because I know I am being tested and that song is a great reminder of what faith can do. I know with God all things are possible and I'm so thankful to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...I have know idea what I would do without Him. The movie Courageous, but not because of the message, although I do try to be THAT parent, but because I feel I have to stand up and be brave and just trust God to handle everything. The last one because once again I feel like I have giants looking down on me saying I can't do this or that. Once again I will stand up and do my absolute best and leave the rest up to God. I will trust and follow Him. This move has been an eye opener as far as making sure the Lord is behind your decision. This move feels so completely different and I wouldn't want to do anything different. I love knowing that the Lord is behind me in this move and if He gave us this place, He's going to give me the resources I need. I hope everybody had a wonderful weekend. Me and Maddy were able to play outside this weekend and had a great time playing with her car and baby.

Maddy's Likes and Interests

I have started packing my room this week and I've already shed a few tears. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very happy to be starting mine and Maddy's "home" but it's kinda bittersweet. This has always been Maddy's home and where we brought her home in. This is where all her firsts occurred. On top of all the sentimental reasons I will obviously miss being around and talking to my mom at the drop of a hat. I've already warned her I'd probably be calling a whole bunch for the first few months lol. As I was packing I ran across Maddy's ultrasound dvd when we found out Maddy was a girl. Silly me decided to watch it and yes, I had a mommy moment and cried. It's hard to believe my baby is no longer a baby. I also found some pictures when she was a baby that just really made me miss "my baby"

I didn't really get the chance to document her first year of life like I had planned. Before I forget things she likes now I thought I would go ahead and write a post about it. One of things she absolutely gets so excited about are "school buses" and that's exactly what she calls them, except she keeps bus singular. She loves to look for them on the way to school and every now and then on the way home she will ask to find one. She also enjoys seeing the "big trucks" along the way too. She will say, "Look mommy, big tuck." She also likes to look at the lake on the way to school and see if she can find the boats, ducks, and birds. I watch her through my mirror a lot of times and whenever she sees the lake or outside period she just looks at peace. I can tell she thinks a lot as we ride in the car. Sometimes I will be in my own little world and when I snap out of it I look at her and she's just watching me. I guess she comes by thinking honestly because I do a lot of that in the car. For the longest time she has wanted to watch "Bob" movies (VeggieTales) but it has switched to Barney movies. She is a very independent person with very strong opinions. She also has a really sweet side that just melts my heart. She still loves her baby and is so very gentle with her and will tend to her the way a real mommy would her baby. She loves to play "home living" which is where the babies and kitchen set is at school and at home haha. She does not like going bye bye and I have to find creative ways to get her in her car seat. She does pretty good throughout the work week, but on the weekends she just wants to stay home and play. She doesn't really like taking baths anymore. Once she gets in she usually plays a little and then says she is ready to get out. She loves my phone, or any phone with video for that matter. She is asking more and more what things are. If she didn't hear what you said she will ask, "What you say mommy" or "what you doing." She is more independent in going to bed. She likes to read or look at a video while we rock, then she will usually snuggle with me for a little while, then she will tell me she's ready for bed and walks to her bed. We are still working on potty training, but she seems a lot more interested in our new house. She is starting to show her memory. My sister had to use some of our wipes on Easter and whenever I get her wipes she will say, "Baby Aiden have use my wipes?"
These are all the things I can think of for right now. I know I'm probably forgetting some stuff, but the bus thing is the whole reason I am writing this so I think that's it for now :)
Here is Maddy's latest picture

It really is amazing how fast they grow!

Moving Phase 1

Like I thought I didn't get to grab a lot of pictures of us clearing out storage. When I saw just how much stuff I had to go through I instantly became overwhelmed. It's not the easiest thing in the world trying to go through stuff with a toddler on your hands either. My step dad took Maddy for me for a little while so we could go through boxes and clear out so he could get to the big items, then later on my mom took her on a walk. When I found out I was moving I panicked thinking I didn't have anything because at my mom's house I don't...I just have Maddy's toys and bathroom stuff. I guess when you don't use your stuff for three, almost four years, it's pretty easy to remember what you do have. I have a lot more cookware than I thought...I found I had multiple sets of pyrex dishes that includes three 3 qt. glass pans, several different size bowls to mix and other baking needs, a pie dish and two casserole dishes. I only found one skillet so far, but I know I have at least one other one. My sister got me some fun things too. She had curtains that she wasn't using that she is letting me use for the living room and Maddy's room. She bought me a picture for a belated birthday present that has my favorite bible verse on it...Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord...

She also bought me a flameless candle that has my last name initial and the saying, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." She got me a pop up tote that says the same thing and is pretty nifty.

The last thing she got me was a kitchen utensil caddy with your basic utensils. Oh! She also got me a cookie sheet that came with some cookie cutters that were really cute and me and Maddy are going to have a ball making cookies together. I just need to get me a rolling pin ;) My mom is the queen of couponing and my sister seems to be the queen of clearance items because everything she did buy she got on clearance for a really good price.
I had a plan for what I wanted to do at the storage place, which was go through all the boxes and throw out what I didn't want. We started out that way, but after the first load we just put the boxes back and didn't think about whether it was going or staying. To prevent double work I just said forget that method when we started in on the second load. One thing that has really stuck in my head is an article I read from the Duggar family. One advice they gave is to not go into things with expectations. For example don't expect to always have a clean house (this was from Michelle because they have so many kids) or the kids to be a certain way. I've found that a lot of my disappointments in life come from having an expectation of what I thought should or would happen. Moving stuff out of storage I had an expectation of being super organized and throwing away a bunch of stuff...none of that happened and I found myself getting disappointed and almost like I had failed. Anyways, We didn't get all the storage cleared out, but it will only take one more truck load before it's all done. The first trip to my house a yard service man asked if we wanted his help because the only man there was my step dad...it was my step dad, three ladies, two bigger kids, and two small kids. The yard service man helped get my couch and dresser in and then my step dad paid him to mow my back yard. Let me tell ya, that yard service man is an extremely hard worker. He only charges $20 and you get your money's worth. He mowed not just the back yard, but also the front yard (which isn't really much). He has a riding mower and a push mower so he did the riding mower for as much as he could, then got his push mower to finish up, then he got his weed eater and weed eated(sp?) all around the house plus the mailbox. Then he saw my mom and step dad trying to turn on my water at the meter thing and he offered to help because he had something that would help turn the knob because apparently it was really hard to turn. I know it doesn't sound like much but he really worked his behind off for $20 and was super nice. In my back yard there is a lot of garbage that looks like people just dumped back there and then animals got in it. My step dad told the man about it, so he went next door because I have a cop living next to me (can we say thank goodness?!?!) to tell him what he found out about the garbage. So to try to sum up the day, we made two trips to storage and only have one more. My house is becoming full of junk and I am really worried about how much stuff I already have over there because I have a LOT of stuff here at my mom's house. If the the stuff I had from storage were all useful things for the house I'd be fine, but it's all the little odds and ends I've collected over the years plus some of my work from when I worked at a school. I really have no idea where all this stuff is going to go. I really want to be really organized and not clutter up the house, but for a while I'm afraid we will be a little cluttered until I can figure out where I can put things haha. I have my washer and dryer in the laundry room, but they need to be hooked up. The only other big things I have left are mine and Maddy's bed and my night stand. I did grab a couple of pictures while we were transporting.

Maddy went all day with no nap! She did exceptionally well though. She was so excited to play with Abby and Sara (my nieces) and to show off her new house. She is a lot more interested in potty training at her new house. When we went last week she wanted to use the potty and she did try. I can't even get her to try at my mom's house...very rarely will she even try. Saturday my oldest niece came to me and said Maddy had gone to the potty. I was like REALLY?!?! I think my niece was proud that she helped Maddy because she just had the biggest grin on her face. I went into the bathroom and sure enough maddy was on the potty and I made a big deal over her going. I am hoping once we get moved in she will just really take off in the potty training area.
We didn't leave my house until 7:18 p.m. and we were all ready to crash.

Pre Move-In Weekend

It's been pretty crazy around here since finding out me and Maddy have our own home. I have spent a good amount of time on the phone talking with family and setting up my power. It's been fun discussing things I need, things I want, and trying to figure out where things are going to go. Tomorrow, after I get done with work, we are going to head to the storage unit where my things have been kept for the past three years and move that stuff in. I have a bunch of junk to go through, so that will probably take most of the day. I am also going to look for Maddy a dresser because she does not have one...we have been using my mom's that was already in Maddy's room. I thought I would need a lot of things (I think because I feel like this is my first move), but in reality I have most of the basic things minus a couple of things. This move is definitely different from any other move I have done in the past. I feel like this is just the beginning for me, but I could be completely wrong. I love knowing that the Lord had a hand in all of this. I can't tell you the number of nights me and Maddy prayed together asking God to give us our own home. My mom has prayed for us as well because she understands my wanting a home for me and Maddy. This move just feels right and I am very happy about that. My emotions have been all over the place because in one sense I'm so happy to be able to have a home for Maddy and me, but on the other hand it's kinda sad leaving this home. It's definitely bittersweet, but it's also just so exciting. I have been working with Maddy this week to try to get her ready for when we do move. My official move date will be May 5. I've been asking Maddy if she is ready to go to Nana and Pops' house throughout the week and talk about Maddy's new house and show her pictures of it to help her understand a little better. Monday-Wednesday every day she said, "I'nna go Nana Pops house." Thursday we had plans of going to our new house so I didn't give her a chance to say she wanted to go to Nana and Pops house. I told her we were gonna see Nana at Maddy's new house. I could tell she was trying to process what I told her. When we got to the new house she was so ready to get out of her seat and see her Nana. We spent time trying to assess what I would need and where we would put things and Maddy just had a ball playing. She was literally bouncing off the walls...that's how happy she was. Her whole demeanor changed and it was just such a good feeling to see her so happy with her new house. We played some hide and seek in her closet. She asked me several times to go potty...that was a big deal because at her house now she HATES going potty on the potty. She ran around and turned flips and we did ring around the rosie.I need to try to video her singing that song because it is so cute the accents she puts on it. My mom asked her if the house made her happy or scared and Maddy said it made her happy. When it was time to leave the new house Maddy refused...we had to find a distraction to make her okay with leaving. When I picked her up from school today the first thing she said when we got to the car is, "I'nna go Maddy's new house." I know she doesn't fully understand that Nana and Pops will not always be with her now and when she realizes that, we are going to have some tears shed I'm sure. I'm just happy for now that she is happy with her new house...makes my heart happy. I hope to snap some pictures tomorrow of the move, phase 1 but I have a feeling I won't take hardly any. My sister is meeting up with us to help us load up and unpack at the new house. I do hate moving...the packing and unpacking...but it can be a lot more fun when you get the girls of the family together for some chit chat as we unpack and clean. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and hope we can get a lot accomplished...I don't really want to have to move a whole lot of stuff next weekend because it's Mother's day weekend. I plan on posting tomorrow, but in case I am too tired I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Dinnerware

Before I get things going I just wanted to say that I survived my meeting today haha. My one on one with my manager got changed until next week so that only left me with one meeting. I expected to leave that meeting totally stressed to the point of tears, but luckily I didn't stress out THAT much. I'm so glad I have this house distraction because it is helping me reduce stress. I don't mean to write so much about my new place, but in case you couldn't tell I am really excited! Today I went back and tweaked my registry(ies) and added some new items. I decided not to put any plates and things like that on my registry because I have a specific store I want to go to. Pretty much my whole family has a dish pattern from Pfaltzgraff. I wanted to pick me out a pattern and start collecting. I'm very fortunate because my great-grandmother gave me a set of dishes when I was 18 or 19. They have survived all these years, but haven't been used much. I really want to make those like my china because they are so valuable to me. The dishes she gave me are the same ones she used and they just make me think of her. I was very close to her and miss her dearly. I often wonder what she would think of Maddy and what she would think of me as a mom. I know she would have absolutely LOVED Maddy! Ok, back on track here...I don't consider myself normal when it comes to house decor. I like the fun girly things instead of the neutral adult things. I'm almost sad to admit that because I am 29, but I like what I like and I want to have some fun. I knew I wanted square plates. There's something that's so neat about a square plate. I also knew I wanted it to be colorful and fun but still look classy I guess is the word I am looking for. Honestly, if I could design my own dishes they would have hearts on there somewhere lol. I found something I could live with. I almost like the round plate sets better in the pattern I chose, but I'm a square plate kinda girl. The name of the pattern is called Patio Garden. I am going to copy a picture from the website to show you.

This best represents me and I am ready to start buying. I attempted to look around for silverware, but honestly that is something I need to do in the store because online they look the same. Sometimes some feel better than others and sometimes the detailing is so small you can't see it very well online, but in the store it pops. By the time I'm done I will have done enough registering it would make up for a housewarming and wedding shower times ten! Maybe I should become a professional register. I hear lots of people saying they hate registering and I honestly think it is fun, unless it runs over an hour and a half haha. 

Registering Ramblings

Today started out as any ordinary day. I was wishing it was the weekend and thinking about my new place. Low and behold a friend sent a great idea of registering at bed, bath, and beyond! I don't have a real need to register because this isn't my first time moving out...it's actually my second. The first time I moved out my family threw me a surprise housewarming party and it was DEF a surprise lol. With this being my second move you would think I would be set...WRONG!!  I do still have some things from my previous move out, but some stuff got ruined at my old house. I love registering for any thing. I'm a list person all the way and I have created wish lists since I was in high school...why not create one for my house?? I spent a good portion of the afternoon/evening finishing up my wish list but it's pretty much done. I decided it would be great for future birthdays.

Tomorrow at work is going to be a nightmare! My manager is extremely unhappy with my team because of this month's performance. I'd be willing to bet she got in trouble by her boss, which in turn caused us to get in trouble by her. My day starts out with a one on one meeting with her to discuss my March performance. The afternoon consists of a team meeting and she warned us on Monday that she would go into further detail over her frustrations with us in our next team meeting. My day tomorrow is going to consist of one back lash after another so I will need to find ways to de-stress and fast, otherwise I will not get through the day. I struggle greatly with worry over my job as you all should know by now through all my "I'm going to get fired" posts I've posted. I feel even more stress/worry about my job because I am now locked into a lease and I have no other options if I get fired. I am def praying up tonight and I'm hoping tomorrow will not be as bad as me and the rest of my team thinks it is going to be.

I've been talking to Maddy this week about how mommy and Maddy have a new home and Nana and Pops will be staying here at their house. She shakes her head yes, but she does not fully understand what I am saying or what I mean. When I pick her up from daycare I ask if she is ready to go to Nana and Pops' house and she says yes. I drove by our new house Monday and asked her if she remembered our new house. Of coarse she said yes but whether she really does or not is a different story. I am going to move some stuff in on Saturday, but I still am not 100% sure when I will be fully moved in. I get so excited over creating a home for me and Maddy and decorating our new place and all that good stuff. It's like I'm living in a partial dream.

Vacation is right around the corner and I am so ready!!! Maddy keeps telling me she's ready to go the beach and play in the sand box and there will be water there and how it's gonna be fu-un. I love to hear her talk.

This wouldn't be a good post without pictures...let me find some that I haven't posted yet hehe:

New Home

I have some very exciting news to share/document!!! I found out today that me and Maddy are the proud tenants of a 2 bedroom duplex in the area I had been praying for. I am still in shock just to be honest with you. Here's how it all started. First of all, I have been wanting to get my own place for a while now. I started thinking about trying in December of 2011 but as soon as I said it I heard God say, "WAIT!" That really scared me because I just knew it was because I was going to get fired. I did wait, but within the past few weeks or so I started checking out what was available just to see. I have prayed God would help me and Maddy get our own place for a while and I had specific qualifications I needed/wanted to have. Thursday night my mom came home just as she would any other day. Right before I put Maddy to bed she told me she found a duplex. I didn't even let her finish and immediately was like, "WHERE?!?!" She told me and I about died because I knew it was exactly what I had prayed for. She had called them before she got home to find out what the rent was and if they allowed pets. It was within my budget (even though it's on the higher end of my range), but they didn't really want to let an animal in the house. Talk about not being able to sleep that night...I stayed up all night with the biggest grin on my face, but I was so scared I wouldn't be able to get it. I looked it at Friday morning after I dropped Maddy off at daycare and got a little worried because when I first saw it I was excited, but it definitely needs some updates. I wasn't 100% sold until we took a look out back and saw this nice yard with a decent view and I just envisioned Maddy running around out there while I sit in my chair on the little patio. I asked the landlord again about pets and he told me no twice, but luckily my mom was with me and had her realtor shirt on because she stepped in and talked to him some and explained that I was single and my dog was my security basically. When she said I was single he asked me and then asked if I had any children and I said yes, one child. He then agreed to let me have Manny in there if I could get the pet deposit. I filled out the application and he called me today to tell me I could have it if I wanted it. When I went to sign the lease he told me I would be surprised at how many calls he has already received on it. There was a girl that called today telling him she went to school with his son and he told her to call back tomorrow because he was waiting on me. I truly feel this place is the home God had in mind for me and Maddy. I've been out on my own in two different places and never have I felt God involved in where I live, but this time is so different. It's the location I wanted, it's in the school zone I wanted for Maddy, it's a house with a yard that Maddy can run in and ride her car, it's 2 BR, they allowed Manny to come, it's a decent size. The most amazing thing to me apart from the fact that it's in the school zone I wanted AND I said I wanted to have my own place before or by the time I turn 30 and Maddy turns 3, is the fact that these duplexes I've tried to rent before but they NEVER are available. The fact that my mom saw this when she did is just amazing because it would have been gone just as soon as it went up pretty much. I have the keys in my hand and can move in now, but I have to wait to get everything set up before I can officially move over. We took Maddy over to see it today and I had to snap some pictures. My mom and step dad took video, but Maddy erased my step dad's video and my mom's phone is messed up so I'm pretty much down to just pictures. It was an emotional moment for me walking Maddy up the steps and into "our" house. She went straight to her bedroom, which really surprised me. I didn't say a word she just walked. When we got to her room I told her this is your new room and she loves it because the windows are just her size. She just kept walking around and going back to the windows and looked outside. Once she had seen and explored inside, I showed her outside and she just was so happy. We ran around outside for a while and the biggest challenge is going to be to teach her to stay in our yard because she's not used to having to share a yard. I am so thankful God provided us this place and I have thanked Him a million times today.