Pre Move-In Weekend

It's been pretty crazy around here since finding out me and Maddy have our own home. I have spent a good amount of time on the phone talking with family and setting up my power. It's been fun discussing things I need, things I want, and trying to figure out where things are going to go. Tomorrow, after I get done with work, we are going to head to the storage unit where my things have been kept for the past three years and move that stuff in. I have a bunch of junk to go through, so that will probably take most of the day. I am also going to look for Maddy a dresser because she does not have one...we have been using my mom's that was already in Maddy's room. I thought I would need a lot of things (I think because I feel like this is my first move), but in reality I have most of the basic things minus a couple of things. This move is definitely different from any other move I have done in the past. I feel like this is just the beginning for me, but I could be completely wrong. I love knowing that the Lord had a hand in all of this. I can't tell you the number of nights me and Maddy prayed together asking God to give us our own home. My mom has prayed for us as well because she understands my wanting a home for me and Maddy. This move just feels right and I am very happy about that. My emotions have been all over the place because in one sense I'm so happy to be able to have a home for Maddy and me, but on the other hand it's kinda sad leaving this home. It's definitely bittersweet, but it's also just so exciting. I have been working with Maddy this week to try to get her ready for when we do move. My official move date will be May 5. I've been asking Maddy if she is ready to go to Nana and Pops' house throughout the week and talk about Maddy's new house and show her pictures of it to help her understand a little better. Monday-Wednesday every day she said, "I'nna go Nana Pops house." Thursday we had plans of going to our new house so I didn't give her a chance to say she wanted to go to Nana and Pops house. I told her we were gonna see Nana at Maddy's new house. I could tell she was trying to process what I told her. When we got to the new house she was so ready to get out of her seat and see her Nana. We spent time trying to assess what I would need and where we would put things and Maddy just had a ball playing. She was literally bouncing off the walls...that's how happy she was. Her whole demeanor changed and it was just such a good feeling to see her so happy with her new house. We played some hide and seek in her closet. She asked me several times to go potty...that was a big deal because at her house now she HATES going potty on the potty. She ran around and turned flips and we did ring around the rosie.I need to try to video her singing that song because it is so cute the accents she puts on it. My mom asked her if the house made her happy or scared and Maddy said it made her happy. When it was time to leave the new house Maddy refused...we had to find a distraction to make her okay with leaving. When I picked her up from school today the first thing she said when we got to the car is, "I'nna go Maddy's new house." I know she doesn't fully understand that Nana and Pops will not always be with her now and when she realizes that, we are going to have some tears shed I'm sure. I'm just happy for now that she is happy with her new house...makes my heart happy. I hope to snap some pictures tomorrow of the move, phase 1 but I have a feeling I won't take hardly any. My sister is meeting up with us to help us load up and unpack at the new house. I do hate moving...the packing and unpacking...but it can be a lot more fun when you get the girls of the family together for some chit chat as we unpack and clean. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and hope we can get a lot accomplished...I don't really want to have to move a whole lot of stuff next weekend because it's Mother's day weekend. I plan on posting tomorrow, but in case I am too tired I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Dinnerware

Before I get things going I just wanted to say that I survived my meeting today haha. My one on one with my manager got changed until next week so that only left me with one meeting. I expected to leave that meeting totally stressed to the point of tears, but luckily I didn't stress out THAT much. I'm so glad I have this house distraction because it is helping me reduce stress. I don't mean to write so much about my new place, but in case you couldn't tell I am really excited! Today I went back and tweaked my registry(ies) and added some new items. I decided not to put any plates and things like that on my registry because I have a specific store I want to go to. Pretty much my whole family has a dish pattern from Pfaltzgraff. I wanted to pick me out a pattern and start collecting. I'm very fortunate because my great-grandmother gave me a set of dishes when I was 18 or 19. They have survived all these years, but haven't been used much. I really want to make those like my china because they are so valuable to me. The dishes she gave me are the same ones she used and they just make me think of her. I was very close to her and miss her dearly. I often wonder what she would think of Maddy and what she would think of me as a mom. I know she would have absolutely LOVED Maddy! Ok, back on track here...I don't consider myself normal when it comes to house decor. I like the fun girly things instead of the neutral adult things. I'm almost sad to admit that because I am 29, but I like what I like and I want to have some fun. I knew I wanted square plates. There's something that's so neat about a square plate. I also knew I wanted it to be colorful and fun but still look classy I guess is the word I am looking for. Honestly, if I could design my own dishes they would have hearts on there somewhere lol. I found something I could live with. I almost like the round plate sets better in the pattern I chose, but I'm a square plate kinda girl. The name of the pattern is called Patio Garden. I am going to copy a picture from the website to show you.

This best represents me and I am ready to start buying. I attempted to look around for silverware, but honestly that is something I need to do in the store because online they look the same. Sometimes some feel better than others and sometimes the detailing is so small you can't see it very well online, but in the store it pops. By the time I'm done I will have done enough registering it would make up for a housewarming and wedding shower times ten! Maybe I should become a professional register. I hear lots of people saying they hate registering and I honestly think it is fun, unless it runs over an hour and a half haha. 

Registering Ramblings

Today started out as any ordinary day. I was wishing it was the weekend and thinking about my new place. Low and behold a friend sent a great idea of registering at bed, bath, and beyond! I don't have a real need to register because this isn't my first time moving out...it's actually my second. The first time I moved out my family threw me a surprise housewarming party and it was DEF a surprise lol. With this being my second move you would think I would be set...WRONG!!  I do still have some things from my previous move out, but some stuff got ruined at my old house. I love registering for any thing. I'm a list person all the way and I have created wish lists since I was in high school...why not create one for my house?? I spent a good portion of the afternoon/evening finishing up my wish list but it's pretty much done. I decided it would be great for future birthdays.

Tomorrow at work is going to be a nightmare! My manager is extremely unhappy with my team because of this month's performance. I'd be willing to bet she got in trouble by her boss, which in turn caused us to get in trouble by her. My day starts out with a one on one meeting with her to discuss my March performance. The afternoon consists of a team meeting and she warned us on Monday that she would go into further detail over her frustrations with us in our next team meeting. My day tomorrow is going to consist of one back lash after another so I will need to find ways to de-stress and fast, otherwise I will not get through the day. I struggle greatly with worry over my job as you all should know by now through all my "I'm going to get fired" posts I've posted. I feel even more stress/worry about my job because I am now locked into a lease and I have no other options if I get fired. I am def praying up tonight and I'm hoping tomorrow will not be as bad as me and the rest of my team thinks it is going to be.

I've been talking to Maddy this week about how mommy and Maddy have a new home and Nana and Pops will be staying here at their house. She shakes her head yes, but she does not fully understand what I am saying or what I mean. When I pick her up from daycare I ask if she is ready to go to Nana and Pops' house and she says yes. I drove by our new house Monday and asked her if she remembered our new house. Of coarse she said yes but whether she really does or not is a different story. I am going to move some stuff in on Saturday, but I still am not 100% sure when I will be fully moved in. I get so excited over creating a home for me and Maddy and decorating our new place and all that good stuff. It's like I'm living in a partial dream.

Vacation is right around the corner and I am so ready!!! Maddy keeps telling me she's ready to go the beach and play in the sand box and there will be water there and how it's gonna be fu-un. I love to hear her talk.

This wouldn't be a good post without pictures...let me find some that I haven't posted yet hehe:

New Home

I have some very exciting news to share/document!!! I found out today that me and Maddy are the proud tenants of a 2 bedroom duplex in the area I had been praying for. I am still in shock just to be honest with you. Here's how it all started. First of all, I have been wanting to get my own place for a while now. I started thinking about trying in December of 2011 but as soon as I said it I heard God say, "WAIT!" That really scared me because I just knew it was because I was going to get fired. I did wait, but within the past few weeks or so I started checking out what was available just to see. I have prayed God would help me and Maddy get our own place for a while and I had specific qualifications I needed/wanted to have. Thursday night my mom came home just as she would any other day. Right before I put Maddy to bed she told me she found a duplex. I didn't even let her finish and immediately was like, "WHERE?!?!" She told me and I about died because I knew it was exactly what I had prayed for. She had called them before she got home to find out what the rent was and if they allowed pets. It was within my budget (even though it's on the higher end of my range), but they didn't really want to let an animal in the house. Talk about not being able to sleep that night...I stayed up all night with the biggest grin on my face, but I was so scared I wouldn't be able to get it. I looked it at Friday morning after I dropped Maddy off at daycare and got a little worried because when I first saw it I was excited, but it definitely needs some updates. I wasn't 100% sold until we took a look out back and saw this nice yard with a decent view and I just envisioned Maddy running around out there while I sit in my chair on the little patio. I asked the landlord again about pets and he told me no twice, but luckily my mom was with me and had her realtor shirt on because she stepped in and talked to him some and explained that I was single and my dog was my security basically. When she said I was single he asked me and then asked if I had any children and I said yes, one child. He then agreed to let me have Manny in there if I could get the pet deposit. I filled out the application and he called me today to tell me I could have it if I wanted it. When I went to sign the lease he told me I would be surprised at how many calls he has already received on it. There was a girl that called today telling him she went to school with his son and he told her to call back tomorrow because he was waiting on me. I truly feel this place is the home God had in mind for me and Maddy. I've been out on my own in two different places and never have I felt God involved in where I live, but this time is so different. It's the location I wanted, it's in the school zone I wanted for Maddy, it's a house with a yard that Maddy can run in and ride her car, it's 2 BR, they allowed Manny to come, it's a decent size. The most amazing thing to me apart from the fact that it's in the school zone I wanted AND I said I wanted to have my own place before or by the time I turn 30 and Maddy turns 3, is the fact that these duplexes I've tried to rent before but they NEVER are available. The fact that my mom saw this when she did is just amazing because it would have been gone just as soon as it went up pretty much. I have the keys in my hand and can move in now, but I have to wait to get everything set up before I can officially move over. We took Maddy over to see it today and I had to snap some pictures. My mom and step dad took video, but Maddy erased my step dad's video and my mom's phone is messed up so I'm pretty much down to just pictures. It was an emotional moment for me walking Maddy up the steps and into "our" house. She went straight to her bedroom, which really surprised me. I didn't say a word she just walked. When we got to her room I told her this is your new room and she loves it because the windows are just her size. She just kept walking around and going back to the windows and looked outside. Once she had seen and explored inside, I showed her outside and she just was so happy. We ran around outside for a while and the biggest challenge is going to be to teach her to stay in our yard because she's not used to having to share a yard. I am so thankful God provided us this place and I have thanked Him a million times today.

Nightmares & Fits

I am pretty sure Maddy is having chronic nightmares. They happen almost every night and for a while it was around the same time...12:50-ish a.m. Last night it was 4 a.m. and she just sits in bed screaming until I can get to her and her whole body is just shaking like a leaf. I really do feel so bad for her. I end up just sleeping in her bed with her when they happen because I want her to know she is safe and I am just right there. The only problem is she tends to wake up a lot earlier than normal. She wakes up around 6:30-ish. I've noticed when she has these episodes, her whole mood that day is not so good. This morning she was off and on her bed playing while I slept some more. If she was getting into mischief I would tell her to come back to her bed that it was still night night time. She would get so mad at me that she hit me pretty hard on my back. She hit hard enough for it to sting afterwards. I didn't give her any reaction because that is what she is after...the more I react the more she hits. She hit me one other time and on that one I decided to very firmly tell her she does not hit mommy. Luckily she just fell to the ground and pouted because normally she just keeps on hitting. She gets in a really good mood as we are getting ready for the day. I got her breakfast and then I went to get ready. Well, her nana walked in the kitchen and I knew I was in for some more fits...boy was I ever right. Once her nana left for the day Maddy instantly went into a fit. There was no calming her down or reasoning with her...she was just mad. Times like those it is just best for me to just do instead of telling her what I am going to do and what is going to happen. I took her tray off her highchair and that made her mad. I proceeded to pick her up and she screamed she wanted down. So I put her down and she fell to the ground and pouted/cried. Times like those I give her an option...she can either get up on her own and continue walking or if by the time I get to three she is still just pitching a fit, I will just pick her up. This morning she decided to lay in the floor and pitch a fit. I picked her up and here she goes again just kicking, flailing her arms, and crying. She kept saying she wanted to walk. I did let her try one more time but again she went to the floor. I then proceeded to carry her to the car to get her buckled in and the whole time she's screaming, "OW, YOU'RE HURTING ME!!!!" Before I go on, I want to point out that when I carry her, I put my arm between her legs so it's kinda like she is sitting on my arm. That is the only way you can carry her when she is pitching a fit, that allows you to hold on to her without hurting her and without her escaping. Once she is in her carseat she is going every which way so I couldn't get her buckled. I would simply sit her back down and over into her seat and this made her so angry that she just went off and hit me in the face with everything she had. She also would grab my face and just squeeze it as hard as she could...this little girl is strong and it really did hurt. Everytime she would go to hit me I tried my best to catch her hands and put them back down and tell her she did NOT hit mommy. She was so angry that she was just not thinking at all and just doing what she felt. I was able to finally get her buckled in. Her fits are really getting out of control. She doesn't have these kind of fits all the time, but they are starting to happen more and more frequently. She screamed a couple of times as loud as she could and after that she just sat quietly looking around. I told her a little ways into the ride that I she was doing a good job of riding in the car nicely and from that moment on she was ok and would point things out that she saw. When we were almost to her school I had to fight back tears because it took me that long to relax from the events of that had taken place. I've got my hands full with her temper that is for sure...and to think these are supposed to be the easier years. Somehow I have to help her work through her emotions and help her learn it's ok to be mad, but not ok to act out and hit. How do you teach that to a two year old? Just this weekend I remembered a daily calender my mom got me for Christmas...The Power of a Praying Parent. I felt lead to start praying for Maddy and using the daily calender as a tool. Once I was able to read it I felt like God had been trying to get me to pray for Maddy for a while because it just all came together in my head. I know when this year started out I said I was going to focus on Maddy this year and pray for her and all that, but I hadn't been 100% faithful in really praying for her. Don't get me wrong...I have prayed off and on for her, but not like I should. Here is what today's said, "Remember, your battle is not with your son or daughter. 'For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places' (Ephesians 6:12). Your battle is with the Enemy. The good news is that Jesus has given you authority 'over all the power of the enemy' (Luke 10:19). Don't be afraid to take advantage of that." This weekend the topics were about obedience to your parents and to pray that she will have an obedient heart. It's all just coincided with real life and I just really felt like God was like FINALLY...you got it!!! I will definately be praying more where Maddy is concerned. I'm also going to pray that God would help me be the best mom I can be because often times I just feel like I'm not doing a very good job. If it's just me, then I know I'm doing my absolute best where she is concerned and I can say I'm a good mom, but when you add other people/the world in my confidence can get shot down...and there are specific reasons why that is so, but I don't know how to shake them because I know they are false. Well, I believe I am starting to ramble now...I'm really good at that lol. I will end by saying that I truly feel God is growing me as a mom and keeping me in check with praying for Maddy on a more consistent basis. I am going to check out an online seminar from Moms On Call because I believe they had one concerning fits and I'm interested to see what they suggest because I've liked their suggestions and ideas I've seen so far. One of the blogs I read uses them and I was real impressed. I know this will end...eventually...but I must admit I'm very nervous over her teenage years because what I am going through now is pretty rough lol. I forgot to post her Happy Easter video and I have some miscellaneous pics of her that don't have a home yet. Sorry for the lengthy rambling, but I wanted to document today so when she gets older I can show her how she acted as a toddler haha.

I want to add that Maddy really is a sweetheart...we just have to work through these emotions and it is no easy task, but with God's help we will survive :)

Saturday Ramblings

I've noticed a lot of people in the blog world love to do a midweek or wednesday random post every week. I find Saturday is the day I tend to be sporadic in what I have to say. I doubt I will make this an every week thing, but I have lots of miscellaneous pics and videos to share that need a home and this post is going to be just that.

Today has been a rough day with Maddy. I have no idea what happened today but I know I don't care to have another day like this ever!! It wasn't an all day bad day kinda thing, but her melt downs today were just horrific feeling and I was not at all prepared for them. She woke up in the middle of the night doing her screaming thing. I went in to comfort her and I was so tired I couldn't force myself to go back to my bed, so I just slept the rest of the night in her room. She woke up pretty early because it wasn't even light outside. She kept getting off and on her bed and I noticed her door wasn't shut all the way. I closed my eyes and just prayed she wouldn't leave her room, but that prayer was not answered lol. I checked the time and it was only 7 a.m. which means she had us up at least by 6:30 a.m. I'm really hoping that is what caused her emotions today. Her fits started in the car because she was so tired...she finally got her nap in around 1:30-2:00-ish. When she woke up we only had one store to go in to and that was McKay's to get her movies for Florida and just to enjoy at home. She started out so sweet and wanted me to carry her. I got a pushing basket and she immediately wanted down to push. She pushed the basket very nicely at first and we put in movies. I had to calculate the total so I would know if i had to stop or if could keep adding and that caused her to get mad/upset and did a mini fit right there in the floor. Then came time to pay and she wanted to go upstairs and oh my goodness...you woulda thought I was just absolutely torturing her. She laid in the middle of the floor...I mean so much in the middle that we were right in everybody's path when they walked through the door. She's screaming, "NO!' and crying and then saying, 'OWWW THAT HURTS" and scooting herself around on the floor. Yes, my child has some how learned that if we are in public all she has to do is say ow that hurts. I had so many people just stare at us I was just super embarrassed. I honestly wanted to just crawl out of the store. I finally was able to scoop her up and she was just flailing her legs and arms and crying and screaming and oh yes the stares continued. It wouldn't surprise me if someone tried calling the police or child services because it looked bad lol. I was able to finally coax her into her car seat and after that whole ordeal I just wanted a mello yello and a bed. We got home and everything was all good. We all went out tonight to Sweet Frog (I am so in love with that place). She did so good in the store and listened and then there was the walking to the car part. She got mad because she wanted to walk down to a different store so she literally just sat down in the middle of the road on a speed bump. This mommy was panicking because she's hard to just "pick up" in the middle of her fits...I have to get her a certain way to be able to lift her without hurting her. We finally got her up and then there was the getting into the car seat scene. I don't know how long it took but I seriously think it was at LEAST 30 minutes. She was so angry and nothing would work. I had her dvd player and she just didn't care. When she is in that kind of mood nothing works...you just have to do. When she finally got buckled she thought she would still get her movie and she was crushed when I said no and then she cried, "I listen!!" My favorite part of the day was when I was putting her in bed. Not because I was getting to chill out a minute, but because she just gave me some sweet lovin. She hugged me with everything she had then she would kiss my cheek then she would hug me and pat my back then give me another kiss and honestly it just melted my heart. I made sure she knew that no matter what mommy will always love her. When I told her that she just gave me another kiss and it was just super sweet. That is my long story of this post...now on to the randomness

I think it's so neat how she mimicks my actions and what I do. I always say, "Hey buddy" when I talk to Manny and pet him and she has started doing the same. It's so cute when she does it on her own, but this gives you an idea of the cuteness :)

Maddy's first time trying ribs. She didn't quite know what to think and didn't really like getting all messy. I have a video but am having problems getting my videos to publish to youtube so I will have to add later.

I will stop here and save the rest for other posts. I hope you all are enjoying the weekend :)

Believe

Ok I'm really not always an emotional mess lol. I did something today that I knew I should never have done today due to the consequences. I watched the movie Free Willy. I can remember watching that movie in the theater. I was just a kid and I was fighting with everything within me to not cry. I was able to keep from sobbing, but tears just streamed down my face and of coarse my sister pointed and laughed at me...I was definitely embarrassed, but that movie really touched me. I actually LOVE animals...not all of them...but most lol. Free Willy made me curious about killer whales and I ended up doing a little research on them and instantly knew I wanted to be an activist for them. That movie made me change my mind on what I wanted my career in life to be. The first thing I wanted to be was a teacher, but after Free Willy I wanted to be a marine biologist. Somewhere along the way I grew up and I ended up wanting to be a dietitian. After watching Free Willy today I became curious as to how they made the movie because I noticed this time around there is a scene where Jesse is riding Willy for the first time in the pool and he is soaked one minute then the next minute he is completely dry but still riding Willy. Youtube always has the answers so I went on a hunt. On this hunt I came across a video called Behind the Scenes of Believe. I loved the video and how much those trainers really seem to care about the animals and it just made me want to go to Seaworld. I have had the privilege of going there once in my life and it was so much fun. I don't remember a whole lot about it, but the one thing I do remember is the Shamu show and getting soaked and then hearing the workers yell, "ICCCCCE-cream...GET YOUR SHAMU IIIIIIIce-cream" I found the video I shared in this post...well, it was a different one but the tricks in this one are better lol...and I just felt inspired to live my dreams. I seriously just sat in my chair and cried like a baby...it was almost like I was having a worship experience. As I watched the show I kept thinking about how amazing it is the God created these animals and how we now have the opportunity to work with these animals. I don't like that these whales and other animals are held in captivity just so us humans can see and enjoy and learn about them, but you have to admit that seeing a Shamu show is just amazing. I thought about what it would be like to share that experience with Maddy for the first time and knowing I have two Florida trips coming up, thought about taking her down there this year if for nothing else but to see Shamu. That idea kinda left when I found out that tickets to seaworld are $80 for adults and $67 for kids. I thought that was kinda ridiculous because for about $130-$150 I can go swim with a dolphin and eat lunch lol. I can't say I haven't completely ruled out the idea, but I am more than likely going to save Seaworld for next year. Anyways, I have dreams...everybody has dreams. The problem is we give up on what we want to achieve. We're told that our dream is impossible and give in to that kind of thinking. I have dreams that are probably unrealistic and then I have dreams that are very realistic/achievable if I could just come in contact with the right person. It's made me think about Maddy and the dreams she will have one day. I want to be that mom that encourages her to go after her dreams no matter how big or small. I want to be that mom that figures out a way to help her achieve her dreams. I also recently watched the documentary Being Elmo and Kevin's mom didn't tell him his dream was silly or not achievable, she encouraged him and let him be who he was. She couldn't get him in touch with the right people or give him lots of money to go see the people he needed, but she did everything she could even if that was just to keep him encouraged and let him do his thing. The one dream I have right now that is very achievable is owning and operating my own daycare and being a stay at home mom. I know those kind of contradict each other, but they actually go together. I want the experience of being involved in daycare world and I want to get it to where I can fully trust my staff so I can come and go as needed. Even as a stay at home mom I would want Maddy to go to daycare for the socializing aspect and the learning aspect. The good thing is if I had my own daycare I would know for sure that she is 100% taken care of and being treated ok. Over time I have slowly started giving up on this dream. I don't know how to begin this process because I need roughly $500,000 to get up and running and that includes the building...I think lol. I've looked into franchise's but you have to have the collateral or something just on the in case and I'm not rich by any means. I feel inspired to start trying again after watching this video and I know this post probably makes no sense to you all because this is just something that touched me and what touches me may not touch you and that's ok. Bottom line is if you have something you want to achieve...no matter how big or small...you can do it. I believe in praying about it and understanding that just because you want it doesn't mean it's what God wants, but I also believe in trying until God says no more. I was so excited about Seaworld that I showed Maddy the video on my computer and she actually watched all but the last two minutes, which for her is amazing. Seeing how interested she was here at home, I know seeing it in real life will just be amazing for her...and yes this mommy WILL cry lol. She kept saying, "That look fuu-uun." She would ask what happened when the trainers would dive in the water or the whale threw them up. Then she said she wanted to pet a whale at home lol. Seaworld and Disneyworld are truly magical places that just melt your heart and being able to share that with my daughter...words can't even describe the emotions I feel haha. All you have to do is...BELIEVE