Oh My...

This week has not turned out like I thought it would. I didn't really have thoughts as to how it would be, but I didn't expect it to be as stressful and frustrating as it has turned out to be. I would say at least 99% of it is the devil trying to pull me down because I know God is up to something. One area I have been hit this week is finances...I mean I got hit hard! One would think...especially me...that that would be the area I'm most stressed. Surprisingly enough, I have a peace about the situation I am facing. It has caused other emotions but I know it's going to work out...worst case scenario I will pay for the rest of my life (not really but it feels like it lol) and I am pretty calm. I've been trying to write a post since Sunday because I've had a "aha" moment that just completely shocked me. I typed out at least three different posts but as I reread what I wrote I just decided to come back later and try to rewrite it. Today I am just so frustrated I almost don't care if my post isn't organized and doesn't make sense, I just have to write to try to turn this week around. I've been reading updates about a very sad situation because I felt drawn to one of the people involved. I decided to take some time and read from start to finish the updates and as I was coming to an end I finally saw that God was working on me...molding me. I'm a very transparent person and when I have these moments I tend to share all the fun details. For some reason I feel like I am supposed to be quiet about this one. I'm not sure why nor am I 100% positive I am supposed to be quiet but it's just that feeling I get...especially once I have been trying to write about it since Sunday. I honestly feel, however, that the events of this week is just the devil trying to steal my joy. He is working hard and I'm having to be real careful in one area but in other areas I just look at him and laugh. I'm hoping with my not having to work for two days I can enjoy Thanksgiving...well..as much as I can. Me and Maddy have a lot to be thankful for. I am so thankful that I get to be her mom...I love spending time with her. I know this post may or may not make sense but it's the best I could do for now. I may or may not write again before Thanksgiving, so just in case...Happy Thanksgiving from Maddy and me :)

You Are My Maddy...

I was given the best gift tonight and I had no idea it was even coming!!! With the time change, Maddy has been ready for bed about 30 minutes earlier than normal. The past two Friday nights I haven't been stuck at work until 10:00 so I let her stay up as long as her attitude will let her. Tonight we didn't get far...made it until 7:04 p.m. After she said her good nights we climbed in the rocking chair to rock as we do every night before bed. I forgot prior to rocking that the power went off at some point today and her music wasn't playing. I decided to sing to her like I used to when she was a baby (have I mentioned I have baby fever really bad? That was going to be a whole new post the other night but I opted out of it because I didn't want to worry about being judged). The song she has grown up on is "You Are My Sunshine" but with her name inserted throughout the song. I was on my second round of singing and out of no where she just decides to say some of the words with me. Of coarse I am fighting back tears but I just gave her lots of praise and told her she had a beautiful voice and she did a really good job singing. That prompted her to want to do it again and again. She almost got to where she could sing all the words with me as I said it. I think I will remember this moment forever because it was such a sweet moment having my little girl sing along with me.

You are my Maddy
My only Maddy
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My Maddy away!

The beginning of Christmas

Me and Maddy did some Christmas shopping today. This time last year I knew exactly what I wanted to get her, this year has been a little different. I've known since before her birthday that she would be getting a power operated car from santa, but other than that I had no idea. My original goal was to have her Christmas shopping done by now so I wouldn't have to get out in that holiday traffic mess...especially since last year I can't tell you the number of wrecks we were almost involved in because people just get plum crazy! Time has gotten away from me and I just didn't plan financially to figure out when to buy what. I have lots of ideas of things I want for her now after looking at Toys R Us online and am in full swing Christmas planning mode. Here is the car santa is bringing for her...she must have been extra good this year hehe ;)

I'm the type of person that when I get real excited about something I have to tell everybody about it. Today we played outside and she has a lil snugbug push car that she can ride in. It's the kind where they push with their feet like Fred Flintstone. Anyways, she likes to go in the grass but she isn't strong enough to push herself so I have to push her. The entire time I was thinking about how I couldn't wait for her to get her new car and hopefully it will work in the grass and she won't have to be pushed anymore. I'm so excited about this car because she loves to pretend to go get bite bites like me and her do sometimes...it's so cute! I originally wanted the Escalade for her but I think the price is ridiculous and this car is half the price and pretty much does everything the Escalade did. Needless to say come Christmas we will be outside pretty much the whole day lol.
I also got her a storytime pad

I really don't know how well she will like this because she has other leapfrog toys that basically do the same thing. Since she was with me she got to test it out and she played with it a while in her stroller, but it's a new toy so it's more exciting...we will see how much this really gets played with lol.
I bought her a few stocking stuffers and got her wrapping paper. I always let her pick out her paper and the choices were between Thomas the Train, Dora, or Elmo..surprisingly she chose Dora. The other things I want to get her are a 3-in-1 art easel, learn through music pad, play kitchen, a reading system called tag jr, and a doll accessory kit that has the pack n play, stroller, activity mat, and bouncy seat for her baby. I also already have her a baby that will crawl. I think that will be her Christmas from mommy and santa. I just love Christmas!!! (Not because of all the presents though...just want to make that clear because it kinda seems that is the reason with how I ended this )

Discipline 101

This past Thursday began the whole discipline process with Maddy. She was extremely mad and decided to take her frustrations out on me by hitting me in the face with her cup and fist. I must admit anytime (which is very rare) she hits me I find myself completely shocked. I always tell her no hitting but this time was different. I quickly made myself snap out of the shock and immediately told her no hitting mommy. As soon as I said that she instantly looked at me like I don't even know why I did that and burst into tears. Before I go on with this adventure, I want to share that not too long ago I was telling my mom that Maddy knows when she does things she isn't supposed to and the look on her face says it all...I have no idea why I just did that and then she gets upset because she knows it was wrong and knows she has disappointed someone but at the same time she has no idea what came over her in the first place to cause her to hit me. I can relate to her feelings and the best thing for that is a hug to show it's ok but at the same time let them know with words it's not ok to hit. I decided to try the hugging thing with her when she burst into tears, but she instantly turned her tears into a full fledge fit. I have decided to not give her any attention in the middle of her fits, I simply walk away and will not talk to her regardless and once she has calmed down enough to hear me I let her know I don't pay attention to fits, to stop crying, and get up. If she goes back to her fit then I leave the room. This makes her more upset but eventually she will get up, come find me, and then the fit is over. It's hard to enforce any kind of technique when everyone isn't on the same page in the household, but I have to start doing something or I will be in trouble years down the road. Back to my story...after she pitched her fit she decided to come to me. I explained on her level that she shouldn't hit mommy because it hurts and she needed to say sorry. She hates saying anything positive when she is mad and she chose to say sorry by putting her head on my head. I told her she needed to use her words and say sorry. Again she did the head thing. I told her again and this time she was starting to go into a fit. She was holding some chocolate, so I took the chocolate out of her hand and told her she needed to tell me sorry and then she could go back to playing and eating her chocolate. It took a few trys but she eventually belted out, "sorrry" and then gave me a hug. For now my parenting technique is going to be to pull her aside and have a talk with her and help her correct the poor choice she made somehow. I think for now this will work because she does aim to please. I really don't believe in spanking...I don't think it is "wrong" or anything like that, just not for me. There may come a situation that I decide to spank for but at this point I just don't see that happening. Maddy is a lot like me in the fact that just knowing she disappointed someone or did something wrong is enough punishment and spanking wouldn't really have any affect on correcting the situation.
I honestly feel like the Lord guided me Thursday night in how to handle her hitting me because the few times it has happened in the past it has just completely shocked me to the point that I don't know what to do other than to say no hitting mommy. I felt like we accomplished something Thursday night and I think it is a step in the right direction. I know as she grows up the discipline scene will get tougher but I am going to start praying now that the Lord will guide me and give me the knowledge and wisdom I need to help her grow.

It's Just a Phase

I haven't posted in a while. I finally have been able to start Maddy's scrapbook, so I spend most of my spare time scrapping. I forgot how hard scrapbooking can be to me lol. It takes me sometimes an entire day just to finish one page because it takes me a while to come up with ideas for my pages. The last page I did is probably my favorite so far, and I hope my pages just keep getting better and better :) I've been meaning to post about a new phase Maddy is going through...phase may not be the word...more like I wanted to share how smart she is lol. For the past month or so Maddy has learned to say 'Ow!" when you are doing something to her that she wants you to stop, i.e. putting her shoe on, brushing her hair, getting dressed. I know it can be said that maybe it did hurt when I was brushing her hair but I knew it wasn't because I wasn't doing anything but holding her hair in my hand...I hadn't even started brushing when she said ow. I can tell a difference between when I did accidentally hurt her and when I didn't. I can't help but laugh because it's amazing how smart she really is, which really kinda scares me in her teenage years. Something else Maddy has picked up on is I call her "Nana" mom. She has done this before and I had started calling my mom "Nana" around Maddy but I guess I just decided there wasn't a need for that anymore and found out I was wrong. We were at Lowe's picking out a sink/vanity for my bathroom (we...ok...my mom is doing home renovation projects and I am so excited that she included my bathroom in this project.) and me and Maddy were a little ways down looking and I found the sink she was wanting to see so I holler "Mom!" and she didn't hear me so I say it again. We talked and looked a little bit then she was trying to get someone to help us and Maddy wanted my mom's attention and since she couldn't hear Maddy talking to her, Maddy decides to yell, "Mom!" I whirl around to find Maddy looking at my mom and yelling "mom" to her. I made a mental note to call my mom "nana" around maddy lol.
This time change is really getting to me and by the time I get off work at 10:00 p.m. I am just beyond exhausted that I go straight to bed. That means my blog updates will be lacking for a while because the weekends are pretty much devoted to my scrapbooking. Once I get caught up on my scrapbook I can make more time for blogging. I will post some pics on here when I can (I don't have my card with me and need to get to work). I hope you all had a fantastic weekend and are having a good start to your week :)

Gilmore Girls

This past week I pulled out my Gilmore Girls dvd that brought up a lot of memories. I was first introduced to the Gilmore Girls when I was in high school by a fellow orchestra member. I remember watching the show soon after he told me and my mom and I was hooked ever since. How Lorelai and Rory behave is very similar to who I really am. Most people don't know who I really am because I am very shy and quiet. My mom became a single mom toward the end of my seventh grade year. We were just like Lorelai and Rory on the Gilmore Girls...almost to a tee. For those who don't watch the show, or didn't should I say, Lorelai was also a single mom and was from the time Rory was born up until she graduated college. Lorelai did date and even got married, but ended up divorced soon after. When my mom started dating I struggled greatly and did not handle it well at all. Then came the day she told me she was getting married...we won't even talk about my emotions on THAT day. Bottom line is it can be rough on kids when their mom or dad start dating or even marry someone other than their real mom or dad. I have always said I will be sensitive to my child's feelings on this subject because their opinion and feelings are extremely important on such a big decision. Here I am today, a single mom to my beautiful Maddy. I said throughout my pregnancy that I would never date because I didn't want Maddy to get hurt in any way. I picture me and Maddy being like my mom and I were and of coarse how Lorelai and Rory were. Over the past two years I have had a few offers that would put me back in the dating scene, but I always blew them off. Recently I was given an opportunity that could potentially jump start the dating scene for me. I had to think long and hard about it and to be honest I don't quite know how I feel about dating just yet. I realized that I tend to seclude myself from people and would really like to change that. I do hope me and Maddy can have a Lorelai and Rory type of relationship, but I still need to have my own life for when she grows up on me and is ready to conquer the world. I've decided to have a more open mind on the whole dating thing and will push myself to at least try when the opportunity arises, instead of automatically saying no. Maddy will always be my number one priority and I will not have men come in and out of her life. As she gets older I will listen to how she feels and hopefully we can find a compromise. Lorelai was very protective of Rory when it came to her dating life and that's how I plan to be with Maddy. I hope once Maddy graduates college people in our life can say the exact same thing that Lorelai's dad told her on the final episode...basically...she was an amazing person and she deserved to have a "proper" goodbye party for the daughter she did such a good job raising. I would love to live in a little town like Stars Hollow where everybody knows each other, but that is not our world. I have made plenty of mistakes with Maddy already in the short two years she has been alive...I'm not perfect, but I am proud of the accomplishments we have achieved and am proud of the person she is becoming. I hope to someday find my "Luke" but for now I am really enjoying being single and just focusing on Maddy. I love my life as a mom and I am so thankful I wouldn't rather be out partying or out with friends like some parents these days wish...I love taking Maddy with me everywhere and the time we spend. I firmly believe in being a good example for her and I will only do things she can do as well. One thing we have started doing is have family dinners in the evening where we all sit at the table, pray for our food, then dig in. Maddy loves to say the prayer and it just makes my heart so happy. I think she was unsure of the whole family dinner thing on the first night, but she learned quickly and now she just follows the routine. I take the opportunity to work on table manners with her and I think we are at least making small progressions lol. That is pretty much the end of my Gilmore Girl ramblings for tonight.

Trick-or-Treat

For Halloween this year I gave Maddy a couple of choices as to what she wanted to be. She chose to be a bee out of the choices I gave her. I ended up buying two costumes for her because the day I bought her first costume she was melting down in the store so I chose not to try it on her. Of coarse I also wasn't paying attention to the size and realized later instead of it being solely 24 months it was 12-24 months. I knew it would be too small, so I went back and got the 2T bee costume. People had a hard time knowing exactly what she was with the 2T costume and I felt bad because I should have gotten her the yellow and black stripe tights but didn't have time to go back to the store to buy them and had already bought plain black tights. I still think it was the cutest costume of the night :) She wasn't too sure what was going on...she thought we were going outside to play and started to get upset when I wouldn't open the door. I told her we were going for a walk and then she decided she wanted to walk in the grass. Finally she realized I meant in the street, which she isn't allowed to do normally, so she put her strut on and walked in the street like a big girl. She was walking so proud...it was really cute! She didn't say trick or treat to the people but knew they would put candy or "chocolate" in her bucket and she did tell them thank you and bye. I am very proud of her, she did exceptionally well! Here are pics of both costumes...

Maddy got to go trick-or-treating at her school on Friday. I'm assuming it was a success for her because she came home with a bag full of candy :) She is growing up too fast!