Late Night Ramblings

I have been up and down with school here lately. One day I am quitting the other day I am going to attempt to make it through.  Prior to our cruise dropping out was never an option. I may have thought about it all the time but I always found my determination to finish this race. Once we came back from the cruise and I was sick I lost all determination. I was not sure where I stood with school and just assumed I would have to drop out because I can't afford to pay for classes. I was given a second chance so to speak. I was able to drop one class and only have to pay half of that class back and I was supposed to have worked on assignments starting on Thursday. Thursday night came and I could not make myself log into school. I almost viewed school like I do work...it's just too stressful sometimes and I was not ready to deal with everything that comes with school. I'm not ready to go back to sleepless nights and I certainly am not ready to go back to having absolutely no free time whatsoever.  I decided to work on Maddy's slideshow instead and would figure school out another day. Friday came and once again I was supposed to have worked on school, but I would not allow myself to log in. I decided the sleepless nights were not worth it anymore, especially with the holidays coming up. I was wanting to enjoy the holidays instead of missing them as I did on Mother's day because I'm sure I will have some paper due on Christmas and that is just not going to happen. All weekend I just kept telling myself that dropping out was the best solution. I want somebody to tell me what I am supposed to do, but unfortunately I am the only person who knows what to do. I decided before I dropped out I would pray about it. Getting my degree has always been my dream and in fact before I found out I was pregnant with Maddy I was preparing to go to school. I started wondering if my going to school now was me just wanting to do what I wanted to do or if God supported me. When I first enrolled in school I honestly believed it is what God wanted me to do. I received an error at work on Friday...right before I was logging out for the night...and since I am supposed to not be worrying about production to help my quality come up I panicked. That one error has messed my entire month up unless it goes on September's numbers and if I am slowing down to ensure good quality...what are the next steps going to be for me. When I received that error it definitely kick started my motivation to finish school once again. Apparently it wasn't quite enough motivation because over the weekend I spent time with my nieces and nephew and of coarse Maddy. I decided Monday I would start back and try to make up work. After work Monday night I had it in my head that I was going to work on school no matter what. I open my laptop up and next thing I know I am falling asleep. Once again I started leaning toward dropping out. It was obvious my body had reached its limit a long time ago. Tuesday I receive yet another error at work. By this point I am really stressing. I remembered my interview I had a couple weeks ago and thought maybe that would be my outlet but my application is only good for 30 days and I would have thought I would have heard something by now on the other job openings she was telling me about. Once again I was feeling defeated. I watched the movie Flywheel and once again was reminded that God usually shows up at the last minute possible. Here we are on Wednesday and I am so proud to say that I did log into school tonight and made up the only assignment I could. I will have to work really hard to keep my grade at a passing level, but I do believe it is doable. I have my determination back and I have facebook friends to thank for that. I have seen a few statuses tonight that both said, "Do not give up." The first one I saw I wondered if God meant that for me but I didn't have that aha moment so I just dismissed it. I read my bible this morning and it was Ecclesiastes 8 and I saw in there basically to keep my eyes on the Lord and from Him I will gain wisdom. Low and behold right as I was working on school I saw someone else post about not giving up. When I saw that post I was like okay God....I will not give up. I am still praying about school and will work on it until the door is completely shut. I will also continue praying about my job situation and trust the Lord to take care of me. 

On another note I am so happy to say that Maddy's 2nd year slideshow is done. I still have more video to add to it, but it is currently lost and it may never be found again lol. I will make a slideshow every year because even though they take a lot of work they are really fun. I will not just rely on slideshows for memory sake. I still want to scrapbook about her life, but that takes a little more time and money and I don't really have a lot of either right now. 

I have a lot to say about Maddy but will make that another post as this one is becoming quite long. I will post a random music video in here just because I can lol.

Zumba

I apologize up front for any typos in this post. I am using my phone and usually miss all the mistakes. This morning my mom and I went to our first zumba class. Can I just say, apart from feeling really awkward, that class is so much fun! I am already addicted to it even though I need tons of practice. Today hasn't been the best day. I received an error at work and I am supposed to he bringing my quality up and with one error I have blown this month. I also got a lovely packet from the IRS stating they were auditing me. Normally I would have been super stressed, but zumba has really helped me have a good day despite these issues. My wording is a little off in that last sentence...I don't worship zumba or anything like that. It is just an outlet for me to reduce stress. I will come back later and post a video of zumba. This class will help me come out of my shell and work on my confidence level as well. I do not dance in front of people...especially not shaking my hips, which I cannot do by the way lol. By the end of the class I didn't feel so weird but knew I had work to do. Just wanted to share my zumba experience with you all :)
The video that I posted is the closest I could find on YouTube that was kind of similar to the class I went to. The instructor  has some latin in her and she is amazing at doing the moves. I don't think I will ever get as good as she is but I will try my best to get as close as possible. There is another class at the gym that according to a lady in the class we went to is more "white girl ish" for us girls who can't really shake our hips lol. I can't tell you enough how fun zumba is and would definitely recommend it to anybody who wants something fun and creative to do for a workout or stress reliever :)

Life Randomness

Ok so I know I have been posting an awful lot lately and I'm sorry. I have so much to say and document whether it be things I need to get off my chest or things about Maddy that I want to remember. Tonight is kind of an update on me. Before I left to go on the cruise I had been struggling with health issues. Nothing real serious, just I was literally stuck in bed when I wasn't working. I figured I was getting sick all the time because I was not getting any sleep or if I did get sleep it might have been an hour or two tops. Obviously on the cruise I was not able to catch up on sleep nor did I want because there was so much to see and do in a short period of time. When we came back from the cruise my goal was to write a paper for school that was already a day late. I didn't anticipate not getting home until 12:30 a.m. and I decided I would have to take a 20% penalty and write it that Tuesday. That Tuesday rolled around and I was starting up my sickness issues. I attempted to work on my paper that night but my body was just shutting down on me and so I went to sleep. Wednesday rolled around and that is when I realized something in my life was going to have to change. Not only was I physically getting sick out of no where, I also had excruciating stomach pains. At one point I told my mom it felt worse than labor and then I said ok it's probably the same but it's really bad. My gut told me if I didn't start getting proper rest I would end up in the hospital. I got scared because day after day I was sick so I decided to email my adviser and ask what options I had as far as dropping classes. She emailed me back and wanted to talk on the phone which I procrastinated in getting back with her and received an email from my academic adviser today that just really irritated me. After explaining my frustrations and letting her know I did not appreciate her tone and about 30 minutes later we came up with a temporary plan. Right now I am dropping my education class because that was my lowest grade and as of today I continue with my humanities class (yuck!!) and then after this class I will still only have one class and will retake my education class and then I have to go back to two classes. I am concerned because I have an 88.25 in my humanities class. I highly doubt I can catch up this week and if I fail this class then I will have to drop out because I don't have two grand to fork out to retake these classes. I only have 3 weeks left to pull my grade up and I also have a final that I have not prepared for at all. I decided to try to continue with this class and honestly I am ok if I end up having to drop out of school once again because my health and time with Maddy is so much more important to me. After reading about Steve Jobs and learning he also dropped out of school, I realized I can make it without a degree and be just fine. I'm happy to continue my education because I have worked so hard in school to just throw it away, but at the end of the day I can't stress over whether or not I can get the work done or not.

iPhone?

In a way I feel this post should wait considering the news about Steve Jobs' passing. I pray for his family and pray they will heal from their grieving fairly quick. When the iPhone first came out I had no desire for it. I didn't see a need to pay that kind of money for a silly cell phone. My how my thought process has changed since then lol. Honestly I don't know what the first iPhone to come out was, but around the second or maybe even third one I was becoming more and more intrigued with them. Last year I was wanting one so bad, but my cell phone carrier did not carry them. I opted for the next best thing, which was the HTC EVO. I liked the evo when I first got it because it had so many features my blackberry did not. I was so thankful to kick the blackberry to the curb because of the limited functions. Soon after I bought my evo i was complaining about the battery life. It lasts 4 hours with little usage and who wants to live life connected to a charger...not me. So I heard rumors about the iPhone coming to Sprint. I decided to do some research about it and supposedly the iPhone 5 was supposed to have been released and indeed Sprint would carry them. As we all found out on October 4, Apple decided to make some major upgrades to the iPhone and introduce the iPhone 4s. Sprint still has to make their announcement on this phone and I'm sure my questions will be answered then, but I am almost scared to go from the evo to the iPhone. I know the iphone is really not up to par in the cell phone world and it seemed evo ran neck in neck with the iphone and in some ways blew it out of the water. So now that my dream has finally come true (my technology dream that is lol) I am left wondering if I really want the iphone. I was hoping for some advice or insight into the iphone. Is the battery life decent? Does it seem to work most of the time? How is the speed? I know I don't have a lot of readers on my blog yet but am still hoping maybe somebody has some kind of information that will help guide me in this decision. My prayers go out to the Jobs family. I myself am shocked he passed so soon after his resignation.

Maddy's 2 Year Check Up

I keep putting this post off thinking I can do it once I get done with work, but my body literally shuts down as soon as work is done and I have been falling asleep. On September 28 Maddy had her 2 year check up. I honestly have no idea what time our appointment really was. I show it was at 3:30 but my mom showed it was at 3:40. I am going with 3:30 because usually when you are late...even if only 7 minutes like we were...you have to sit and wait forever. Maddy handled the wait pretty good in the beginning, but towards the end she was over it and honestly I didn't blame her lol. Maddy no longer sits on the baby scale which I must say made me a little sad. She weighed in at 25 pounds. They also did not lay her down on the table to measure her height, again, I was a little sad. She was measured using the big girl measuring thing and she measured in at 34 inches in height. Luckily she did not get any shots...she is done with shots until age 4 and that set is a doozie. She did however, have to get her finger pricked to check her blood levels, iron, and her lead levels. Her doctor, which I absolutely love, came in and showed me her height and weight graph and she fell right in the average category. Her BMI is also good so she was perfect. Her blood work showed she had good iron levels and was not anemic and she also has practically no lead in her so I know the things she is chewing on are not harming her lol. I had to fill out a questionnaire on Maddy and it was testing for autism which she passed with flying colors on. They also start checking for heart problems, arrhythmia's and she told me signs to look for and when to be alarmed. That was pretty much everything that happened during this check up. She doesn't have to go back until she is 3...yay!!!

Maddy's Birthday Party

Maddy's birthday party was Friday September 30. I ran into a few problems when planning her party. First of all I put the wrong dates on the invitations I mailed out. I was embarrassed to be honest and just could not believe I did that. I then realized on Tuesday that I was supposed to have mailed the check to her party location the week before the party. Because I was so busy staying up all night preparing for our cruise and trying to get everything squared away, I completely forgot to mail her check when we left that Thursday. I felt like I had failed Maddy because her party was becoming one big mess. With the help of my mom we figured out a new location. We had her party at a local park that I love so much called Riverpark. We rented a building and the view was so pretty. I worked 4:00 a.m. until 3:40 p.m. that day and then scrambled to get ready. My mom makes all the birthday cakes in our family and this year Maddy had two...an Elmo cake and a dog cake. We ordered Little Caesar's pizza for everybody and had cold drinks. Again my camera is not near me at the moment, so I will have to come back and add the pictures later. Maddy got a lot of neat stuff at her party and I think she had a good time. She looked so cute in her birthday dress. She got a lot of Elmo stuff and some books that are just adorable. They talk about what I want all kids to know which is God loves you and You are special. It was a special birthday too because this was the first year that everybody in my family could attend. For Maddy's 1st birthday my aunt and uncle were unable to come because of baby Aria's health issues, but this year Aria is doing so well and is so super adorable so they were able to bring her and all the kids got to enjoy each other's company. I know she will not remember her 2nd birthday, but I at least have a lot of pictures to show her as well as the memories. I would not trade my life for anything in this world. Some may think the parent life is not for them, but this life is definitely for me and I feel so super blessed to be Maddy's mom and see the world through her eyes. I love you very much Maddy!

Cruise Part 4 (Sunday & Monday)

Sunday was a bittersweet day for me. I was beyond exhausted on this trip, but at the same time I was enjoying being away from everything that I did not want the trip to end. Since Sunday was just a travel day on the ship, me and Maddy slept in until 10:56 a.m. Do you know how good that felt??? Once we woke up we got ready and hunted down Nana. We finally found her...she was at the waterpark. Maddy had her usual breakfast, a big bowl of fruit. Maddy ate fruit as if it were going out of style or something. I realized either on Saturday or Sunday that I made a huge mistake in not checking Maddy's suitcase before we left because she had no shorts...only tops. The only bottoms she had were the ones she came with, which were black capri leggings and a pair of long white leggings. I remembered I was supposed to have packed her shorts the night before we left because at the time I packed her suitcase we were still in short weather and she does not have enough shorts to pack for 4 days and still have some to wear to school. I was not very happy with myself but what can ya do that many miles away? So after breakfast we hit up the waterpark. The water was so cold in the beginning. Luckily Nana is a trooper and took Maddy out in it. It was a perfect place for Maddy because they had just a tad of water to wade through and then they had the slides for the adults, the teenagers, and the little kids. Maddy went down the little kid slide one time but I don't think she cared for it because at the end the water splashes in your face. I have a video of her sliding down that I will have to add later as my camera is in my car at the moment. We stayed at the waterpark about an hour or so. We had to leave because Maddy needed a diaper change and was also getting hungry. So we pack up and leave thinking we would return, but Maddy had other plans so me and Maddy took a nap while Nana went back out. After our nap it was time to start getting ready for dinner. We didn't wake up until 6:00 p.m. which is when our dinner time was so we did not eat in the main dining room. We went to the buffet on the Lido deck. Maddy had some kind of seafood penne pasta, which was really gross in my opinion lol, and some baked potato and some bread. I had salad, meatloaf, some baked potato and that was all. For dessert we tried some cakes that were absolutely horrible. Maddy ended up eating more fruit and then her pops took her back to the room to watch a movie while me and my mom had our last night out. I really enjoyed the last night out. We spent it getting in our last minute pictures and buying last minute souvenirs. After we were done we had to head back to our rooms to get our luggage out by 11:00 p.m. We also had to fill out a U.S. customs form which I really have no idea why that was really necessary because they didn't even  check it really when we went through on Monday.
Monday was one long waiting day and Maddy was not having any part of it. We ate breakfast around 7:30 which she really enjoyed. After breakfast we went back to our rooms to get our stuff and then headed out to the hall because we had to be out of our rooms by 8:30 a.m. We let Maddy walk around thinking it would help pass time with waiting, but she was only having that for a short time. It then became a "lets run away from  mommy game and laugh". She was starting to get in her mood where nothing made her happy and she would just go into fits for the littlest thing so I decided she should go in her stroller and be strolled. My thought process was that she would fall asleep but boy was I wrong. I tried to stroll her some, but she would bow her back in her stroller and stop the stroller with her feet so I stayed close by my mom for back up in case I needed it lol. Two little girls from Costa Rica wanted to help Maddy so they came over to look and smile and be cute lol. We found out that they were headed to Disney on Tuesday and would be there the week. I was amazed that someone could afford to go straight from a cruise to Disney. Can I have whatever job you have please? Maddy started to be ugly towards them so their aunt called them back over to her to keep them from making Maddy more angry than she already was. My mom decided to take her in a more secluded area to try to help her out. She got calmed down but did not fall asleep. So we are finally called to get off the ship and get our luggage and go through customs. I felt weird going through customs because they are uniformed and wearing latex gloves as if we are contagious or something and they don't really speak to you...they just stand there and I guess expect you to know exactly what to do. I assumed it was just the customs form and he took it and then held his hand out. I was like ok....not really sure what else you need here lol. He finally pointed to my license and birth certificates and I was like OH lol. So we get out of the customs building and hop over to the bus that is taking us to the airport. It was a nice bus ride because the driver was funny and he decided to give us a mini tour that I don't think the other passengers really cared about. He talked about some of the buildings we were seeing and a little about the history of the port and things like that. We saw the future home of the Florida Marlins and also saw the  Miami Dolphins stadium. Once we arrived at the airport he gave us some good advice and suggested if we had alcohol that was not in our suitcase we needed to put it in as soon as we got off because they would make you throw it away otherwise. This one woman had a case of alcohol that she had no idea how she was going to get it in her suitcase. She apparently did because I saw her later without it in her hand lol. I'm not sure the exact time we arrived at the airport but when I saw the clock it was 11:35 a.m. We could not check in our luggage until 2 because our flight wasn't until 5:11. Maddy was asleep in my mom's arm thankfully and slept most of the time away. She woke up around 1 and then her and pops went to go get some snacks. After she got done eating oreos she was ready to walk around so off we went until she tried the whole escape thing again. She thinks it's funny when we start chasing her so I really need to figure it out to where I am not chasing her. I decided to get her attention to the palm tree and then we sang ring around the rosy until time to check in our luggage. Once we got checked in we headed over to a Chili's to go and we all got hamburgers. That burger was so good because I was sooo hungry lol. After lunch we headed over to our gate to do nothing but wait...and wait...and wait. Me and Maddy went to find a gift shop that I saw when we were there previously but I could not find it this time. My mom decided to walk with us to see if we could find something and we sure enough did. My mom bought Maddy a Dora Magnet book that is perfect for the plane and car. I got her an Elmo that she spotted a mile away. That little Elmo was $9.99 I was just completely shocked because it is a little old thing lol. On our way back to our seats my mom noticed our flight was cancelled. I was beginning to panic because I saw work flash before my eyes. I have no more vacation and if we didn't get home on Tuesday I was in some serious trouble. We found out our plane was having mechanical troubles and they booked us on another flight that didn't leave until 6:25 p.m. By this time i was just over our vacation and ready to be home. It was 4:40 p.m. and understandably Maddy was starting to melt down. To spare repetitive details let it be known that Maddy pitched many a huge fits while waiting. We were finally able to board our plane and Maddy was just so over it that she didn't care she was on a plane. She wanted up or she would want to go or she would just start crying over something else. Getting her in her seat and buckled was almost impossible. I was nervous over feeling sick as well as I knew we would be flying in storms and that is scary to me because the plane will just drop sometimes and it just feels like you are going to crash. I am also used to being able to ask my mom if certain noises are normal and what not because I haven't really flown a whole lot and she has. It makes me nervous to think about the what ifs that can happen on a plane and thinking about Maddy and her safety. We were ready for take off and I really enjoyed our pilot. He gave us a pretty smooth flight and once we hit a few bumps almost immediately came on the speaker to assure us everything was okay. I felt much better and I also did not feel sick at all. Maddy was having problems with the noise on this flight and wanted the plane to stop. It was a busy flight as far as keeping Maddy occupied and not screaming and she almost lost it and went into a full fledge screaming fit but was saved by my mom letting her use her earphones to hear the music. I was just so very thankful she had them. We got in our car around 10:00 p.m. or a little after and prepared for our 2 hour drive home. Maddy got into her bed around 12:30 a.m. and I felt horrible because she had to wake up at 7:30 a.m. that morning to get ready for school. She was so completely worn out and if I had the vacation I would have let her stay home to get rested up and have some chill time in her comfortable surroundings. All in all our trip was up and down but we did have a nice time and it is something I would do again even with Maddy being at this age. I might consider letting her go to the kid room where they have toys for her age next time, but I at least know a little more what to expect. I will add pictures and video later so sorry this is so long with nothing to break it up for now.