Teen Mom

Anybody that knows me knows that I am a huge teen mom fan. I became addicted to 16 & pregnant when i was pregnant with Maddy. I had no idea that was their first season and thought it was so cool there was a girl from Chattanooga on the show. Even though I wasn't a teen when I became a mom, I was single and I had so many questions or curiosities. I wanted to see how these girls handled labor and see how the first few months of being a mom went for them. I was hoping to gain advice on money and parenting tips that I might not have thought of. I didn't really gain any advice from those categories, but I walked away feeling that if they can do it, surely I could do it at the age of 26. As more seasons go by and more episodes air I find myself relating more and more to these girls. Tonight's episode really hit home with me with Farrah because the feelings she feels I feel everyday and I haven't lost the father of my baby. I've always been up and down with friends...sometimes I have friends...other times I don't. Before I got pregnant I would hang out with a couple of people and just have fun. I had my own apt and could come and go whenever I wanted. Once I got in a relationship with Maddy's dad I hung out with him all the time and we started our own life. I made friends at work and I really enjoyed talking with them. I started feeling like I wasn't really a part and like they talked about me when I wasn't around, but I had no evidence of that and still continued to hang out with them. When me and Maddy's dad broke up I started hanging out more and more with them and we started meeting up after work. The day I found out I was pregnant, I just happened to find out while at work...it was like 10:30 ish to be exact lol. I am a talker deep down inside and since my mom was unavailable to talk and me and Maddy's dad were broken up I decided to tell my group of friends because I was freaking out. They didn't believe me at first cause I had just joked about being pregnant that same week. After I told them I was pregnant I felt like everything changed. One of my friends ended up telling me eventually that he wanted to ask if I was sure I was pregnant because we had some in depth conversations about saving sex for marriage. At the time I just felt so ashamed that I had put myself in that position that I just kinda hung my head down and was like yeah, I know, but God forgives me. I've thought back on that convo with him and sometimes I find myself angry because I know he did things that were ungodly and not once did I bring that up to him, but then again I guess I was being a bad friend. I felt like my group of friends were slowly fading, but there was always that one friend, the one that I've mentioned before. If I could talk to him for one second I would tell him thank you for being there and helping me through a challenging time and for being honest with me even though it made me mad lol. After me and him stopped being friends I literally had nobody to talk to. It gets lonely sometimes being a single parent with nobody that can understand what you think and feel. I have to be very careful around some of my family when I try to say how I feel because sometimes my feelings get taken in a bad way, and so I don't even bother anymore. I would say that most if not all of my family have no idea how I really feel about things and what I carry around on a daily basis. One thing I have learned is that I don't want Maddy to feel like she can't talk to me. That is so very important to me because communication is an important skill to have in any relationship. On the after show Farrah talked about how there were times she didn't want to talk to anybody and if someone was interested in dating she'd shut them off and lie and she didn't want to hug anybody or tell her mom she loved her and things like that....that is exactly how I feel most days. I find myself in one sentence saying I want to be with someone, yet I want to be single all  at the same time. Talk about contradicting myself lol. I am truly happy being single but I would really love to have some people I can relate to and who can relate to me. Even when I'm given the chance to meet up with a mom my age, I find myself not wanting to make time to meet them...it's like I get scared. My conclusion is that I am scared of losing anymore friends...anymore people in my life. I would love to have a counselor like Farrah has because I need someone that I can just tell exactly how I'm feeling without having to worry about anything. I'm not depressed nor am I miserable in life...I have my issues yes, but I'm pretty ok with my life...this is just me venting lol. Teen mom brings out a lot of emotion in me because I feel like for that hour someone understands what I go through or someone understands what I am feeling on certain issues.

Progress

As you know I started hitting my workouts a little harder starting on Friday. I decided to attempt to finish the insanity program I once started. Monday ended day 2 for me and the workout was called cardio resistance and power. Let me tell you if you do this one, your legs WILL burn lol. I was already exhausted when I started due to little to no sleep but I decided to fight through and make myself workout. I began to wonder if it was a mistake because I wasn't pushing myself as hard as I did on Friday. I did better on the warm up (that warm up is just as much a workout as the rest of the dvd) but toward the end started losing my momentum. Once we cooled down to start the last half of the dvd I was able to go a little more. I still did not do every rep, but did try to do my best with each series. I almost gave up on the last series and I finally got some motivation and pushed myself to finish. After this workout I had to go lay down and take a nap. I felt like a dish rag. I went ahead and measure myself and I am making some progress. I have lost 2 pounds. I lost half an inch in my waist. My chest has stayed the same, but I lost 1/20(?...i think i did my math right but basically i lost 1/4 plus half an inch) in my hips. I also lost an inch on my thighs. Overall I am surprised to already have results but I am so thankful that I do. I woke up this morning saying I was having an off day today for working out, but this progress makes me want to keep going. I need to do laundry though because I wasn't able to over the weekend so I am torn lol. I highly recommend the insanity program and also recommend you look on  amazon.com or ebay because it is an expensive set. I got mine for $30 I believe.

Insanity Maddy

I have decided to add a workout section to my blog. I don't really think I have a definitive blog and I want to get it more organized to where it has more of a purpose other than my random ramblings. I have started to hit my workout routine harder these days and I am hoping to continue it. Today started my second try at insanity. My first try I ended up getting the flu during the first week and I just never started it back up once I got better.  This workout is extremely hard. I can't do all the reps nor can I keep up with them but I am hoping in the end I will be close to doing it all at the same speed they go. I took my measurements down and will continue to monitor my progress and let you all know how it goes. I would love to lose 15 lbs from it, but that is highly doubtful that will happen for me. I am having to get my mind set determined in order to complete the insanity workout. Today I watched the extreme makeover weight loss edition and that show got me so pumped to do my first insanity workout and I found it kept me going longer than if I had just said hey, I'm gonna do insanity. I am learning to do workouts for an extended period of time it is about where your mind is. As they said on the show you have to separate your mind from your body and for whatever reason I'm just figuring this out. I can usually last 20 minutes in a workout which isn't bad, but I'd like to push myself and be the type that can workout for hours throughout the day. I skipped the fit test because that isn't my focus and I have done the fit test the first time I did this program and know I am in need of a good shape up lol. I am sore from my workout yesterday, which was the s.w.a.t one. My workout routine will be monday-friday because saturday and sunday are devoted to maddy and she won't let me workout right now lol. I won't be doing insanity every single day because i do get bored with workouts over time and where as insanity changes it up here and there it is ultimately the same type of routine. If you know anybody interested in learning about workout programs or just want support in losing weight please pass my blog along to them. I am looking for new followers and would love to help out any way i can.
I am so proud of myself for remembering I have a camera now that I can take pictures with. When me and Maddy got home we headed straight for the kitchen to eat bite bites. I let her choose where she wants to sit: her highchair, her booster seat, or a regular seat at the table. I try to steer her toward her booster seat, but tonight she wanted in her high chair. Her dinner was spinach and cheese ravioli and juice. A while back I bought her this cute cup at old navy that has a straw that she can't pull out. She is always pulling out her straws and ends up throwing them so I thought this would help teach her not to do that. I wasn't thinking, however, that it wouldn't be spill proof and she dumped a lot of cherry icee on her (i believe) white shirt. Mommy was not very happy that day, but I wasn't mad at her..just frustrated at myself for not thinking of the cons. I decided to let her use her cup with her dinner tonight and she did so well with it. Not once did she try to turn it upside down...she actually wanted to drink from it so mommy just gave her all kinds of praise and she loved it. Here are some pics:

After dinner Maddy let me know that it was book time. She grabbed the book and we headed to the couch. One of the books we read all the time is called, "Goodnight Gorilla."

After we read the book a few times Maddy decided she wanted to watch tv. This still amazes me that she asks for the tv because this child has never been a tv person. I'm still hoping I will be able to take her to at least one wiggles show but I don't know if she is going to like them or not...she loves their dog though lol.

After a little tv it was time to take everything out of her shopping cart and then put it all back in. She likes to hand me items in her cart one by one and then once she is done she tells me to put it back. She is a very routine child.

She is also a very good mama. She carries her baby around with her everywhere she goes. She used to only carry one baby, but she has become ok with holding the one in this pic as well.

Boom Boom and Night Night

I don't usually have time to write on here anymore, however, I found a small opening in my schedule and I am going for it. I don't have much to say and don't have any new pics to share, but I love talking about Maddy lol. When I picked her up from daycare today it was thundering loudly and I have always tried to make it funny to her, instead of scary. I always say, "Whoaaa!!!" when it thunders and then I will ask her if she heard the "boom boom." She was cute this afternoon because I did the whole whoa routine with her and once I said boom boom, she pointed toward the sky and said "boom boom!" I recorded it on my phone that only works if it's on the charger and will post it as soon as I can get it uploaded. Maddy is becoming more and more vocal at school...for a while they seriously thought she did not talk. I never realized or thought about her not talking at school, but she always had her paci and would never talk. They are working with her to keep paci put up except nap time (I have mixed emotions about this because they are trying to take paci away permanently so she can go to the next class and I refuse to take it away right now) and she is becoming more comfortable without it. Some days when I pick her up she comes running to me and screams, "MAMA!!!" Talk about just melting my heart...
Our afternoon routine is starting to change quite a bit. It used to consist of coming home, eating, and then playing nonstop but now she eats dinner, unless she's had a big snack in the car, watches tv, then reads books  with me the rest of the time. I have to bribe her with a book before she will walk to her room for night night, where as before I could say it was night night time and she'd get her baby, bottle, and paci and walk straight to her room to let me rock her.
That is all I wanted to say...I can't post without some kind of pictures on here, so I will look through my pics and just post random pics of Maddy, some may be when she was just a little baby :)

SWAT

Something I have always been interested in is working out. I love to work out and collect workout dvd's. I decided to start writing my thoughts on workouts I try.  This is my newest workout dvd and I must say I am shaking as I am trying to write this because my muscles just had an intense workout. This was in no way a means to "lose" weight, this dvd is just to firm up your body. If you are wanting to lose weight be sure to add in a cardio workout to this one. This workout is one I had no problems completing and I thought it might not be that great of a workout, but I found out once I stopped my muscles definitely got a workout. If you are looking to firm up then I would suggest this workout. I don't know that the ab portion of the workout is really sufficient enough to firm up your abs but for your arms it is a great workout.

Christmas In July?

This is so unlike me, but today I have been in the biggest Christmas mood. Don't get me wrong, I do not...I repeat...do NOT want the summer to end. It is my favorite season and I really do enjoy spending time outside, especially in a pool. I got to reading blogs this morning and came across a blog about quadruplets and I saw some Christmas pictures and they were absolutely adorable! I fought back tears as I always do when I read about babies, but ever since then I have had this song stuck on my head:

It's Martina McBride's "Baby It's Cold Outside" I have never been in a Christmas mood in the summer, but I find myself with Christmas music pulled up in iTunes as I work hehe. There isn't a whole lot going on in me and Maddy's life...just the same routine stuff day in and day out.  I do enjoy my life for the most part...I love being a mom! I do find myself having baby withdrawals quite frequently, but I just remind myself of all my freedom I have at this stage in life. I do pray that I am able to meet my partner and we can have more children, but if that never happens I am truly ok. I must admit I do like the single mom life even though it is extremly difficult some days and twice as tiring, but me and Maddy make a great family...oh...and Manny...he is the man of our household lol. I hope you all have a great rest of the week. I think me and Maddy are headed back to a local amusement park (Lake Winnie for all you Chattanooga people) to see Sidewalk Prophets in concert, but also to ride the rides we missed. So excited!

Fourth Of July

I was so excited for the fourth of july to come this year. This would be the first year Maddy would get to ride the kiddie rides. The day did not go anywhere near as I had planned it in my head because my oldest niece was just convinced we were only at Lake Winnie to let her ride everything she wanted, instead of letting Maddy and my other niece ride the kiddie rides first then on to the thrill rides lol. I plan on taking Maddy back this summer so she can get to ride all the rides she can. This post will mainly be of pictures so here we go:

This was Maddy's first ride and I got so nervous she would not like it. She can't talk and tell me if she likes it or if she's scared...she can only cry and once the ride starts there is no stopping if she wants off. She was extremely nervous. She kept chewing on her paci and I just kept talking to her and asking if she was having fun. She wanted to hold my hand the entire time and I also had my arm wrapped around her tightly. When the ride took off she was unsure. She saw some ducks in the lake and once she saw those she got ok with the ride. I was so relieved she didn't want to get off before it was time.

Sara and my step-dad on the sea warrior

We were all decked out in red, white, and blue :)

All three girls had matching shirts

Maddy on the train. She got bored on this ride lol

Sara on the carousel. Maddy rode on the chariot

Maddy driving the antique car.



Abby

Maddy was so cute during the fireworks. She would watch and then look at us and then look back up. At one point she started doing her "twinkle twinkle little star" finger motions. I asked her if it was twinkle twinkle little star and she said yes. She was so tired by this point and was just acting silly.

It was a fun time and I can't wait to take her back and let her enjoy the day :)