Weekly Hit

I have been slacking in my weekly hit posts. With school starting up my posts on here are definitly going to die down, so I will do what I can. Out of all my posts this post is the least viewed, but I still enjoy posting music lol. This week's song is Hawk Nelson-The One Thing I have Left. I wish I had a great story as to why I like the song or how I heard it, but I don't. They play this band on Way-FM and I bought the CD way back in the day lol, so that is how I heard this song. I have seen Hawk Nelson in concert and it's a decent concert...no skillet by any means, but it's enjoyable lol. I hope you all have a wonderful week this week and a great weekend!

The Office

I have been watching The Office on my iTunes this week while working. I find myself using that show as an escape from my job. I feel like I just keep getting in deeper and deeper at work and no matter how hard I try to get out of the hole aka doing things wrong, I just find myself worse off than I was before. If I had a second income coming in to help support Maddy, if I were married, I would have turned in my resignation a long time ago because the stress isn't worth it. I am literally unable to sleep at night because I am so worried over certain claims that will go to quality for audit and I'm not sure they will pass. I feel like a CEO with the amount of stress I feel from my job. I don't get paid enough for that kind of stress and it's ridiculous really that I let myself get that stressed. I have many conversations with the Lord...everytime I find myself stressing, I immediately start praying to try to get the worry off me. It's kinda sad that I find myself wishing I had a boss like Michael Scott. Yes, that type of person would probably get on my nerves something awful, but in the end I wouldn't worry so much about losing my job...I wouldn't be just a number...I would be an actual person. They would see how hard I do try in my job and do everything to keep me instead of saying oh sorry, you're not meeting so goodbye. I am a very realistic person...always have been...so for me to start wishing as much as I have been this week to have a workplace environment like that of The Office, is pretty unreal lol. I do really like the show even though there are a few things I don't like in certain episodes. Jim and Pam are of coarse my absolute favorite. They joke around all the time, but when it comes down to it...you can tell just how much Jim really does care for Pam and it makes me go aww. I have a few favorite epsidsodes, which include: The Dundies, Niagra pt 1 & 2 (Jim and Pam's wedding), I believe it's called The Job (when Jim asks Pam out on a date finally) and then when their baby is born. Yes, most of my favorite episodes are when something exciting happens with Jim and Pam...except The Dundies one is more because Pam acts hilarious lol. Since my ex friend got me hooked on this show, I find myself thinking about him a lot this week and it makes me sad. I won't go into why we aren't friends anymore, but I will say I hate that we can't be friends. I find myself hearing past conversations as certain episodes come on and then when I heard about Steve Carell leaving the show I so wanted to discuss the news with him, but we haven't talked in almost a year now. We became friends through work. We were in the same training class and actually a whole group formed in our training class. In retrospect we were pretty much the outcasts of the training class, but we had a lot of fun. We would always celebrate everybody's birthday in the group and the 2 years we all hung out, for my birthday, I always chose to have Rock Band night. Those were so fun and there probably wasn't many moments that I wasn't laughing. I hope to eventually own the game Rockband and I can't wait to share that experience with Maddy. I've definitely lost some friends in the last two years, maybe they were never really my friend to begin with, but either way I know I will make new friends along the way...I hope anyways. In case you don't know and you watch the show, April 28 is when Michael Scott says his final goodbye and the show is extended to 50 minutes. I am going to try my best to watch the show that night, but if I miss it I will catch it on NBC.com. I really don't know if I will like the show very much once Steve Carell leaves. Not sure how Will Ferrell will mesh with the show but reguardless I am sad to no longer have Steve on the show. These are my random thoughts for tonight. Good night all!

Random Updates

The easiest thing to start with is Maddy's potty training. I think we have had her potty for two weeks now and haven't really made a lot of progress. I will say that is mainly my fault because I really do not feel she is 100% ready to start potty training full force. I do not want to start her when she isn't ready because then it could potentially make her constipated or make the potty training process longer and probably not so enjoyable to her. The first night we got her potty I let her play with it while I was putting it together. In a way I feel that was a mistake, but I guess it wasn't really a mistake because it gave her the opportunity to explore. From what I have read the first step in potty training is to let them sit on the potty fully clothed while you potty, so that is pretty much where I am. She is wanting to stick her hand in her potty as well as my potty so I am trying to teach her that the potty is dirty and is only for potty. She seems so proud when she sits on the potty. I am working with her a little when she is in the tub because for a while she would "dirty" the tub so if she has that look about her I will ask her if she needs to potty. She always shakes her head yes and as long as she says yes I will sit her on her potty. She usually immediately gets up and wants back in the tub, but one of these days I just know she is going to actually potty in her potty lol. I know at some point she will, so I guess I should say someday soon. She almost did last week...she sat on her potty forever and I just had that feeling that she had to pee and the last time she stood up she did end up peeing on the floor and all over herself and she just looked at me like that wasn't supposed to happen lol. She is so super smart. I am really amazed at how smart she really is.
Random stuff about her is what I will talk about next. Her dad asked about when we would start taking her off her passy. I am not too worried about when that gets taken away from her. I don't want her to be 4 years old and still have a passy, but I think if she still wants it when she's 3 I will start working on getting rid of it. She really isn't that attached to passy. The only time she really wants it is when she is tired or if she is actually going to sleep. There has been a few times where she's gotten hurt that she would point to her passy, but she goes most of the day without it here at home. Bottles-doctor's want them off bottles by a year old. Maddy still has bottles and still takes them when she first wakes up and when she goes to sleep. During the day I give her sippy cups. She is ok having a sippy cup in the morning when she wakes up, but I have tried sippy cups for night night and she wants her bottle. I know they are worried about them hurting their teeth, but people in my family had bottles and passy's and fingers beyond when they were supposed to and our teeth are just fine. Maddy does really well with sippy cups of all kinds. She can actually use a regular cup, but I obviously have to hold it. She has been drinking out of a straw for a long time now.
Over the weekend I noticed that Maddy has a lot of my characteristics. There are times I have felt kinda bummed because I didn't really think she looked like me. I did when she was younger, but when she was first born I saw a whole lot of her dad's features. She has her dad's hairline, but my color hair. I think she has the shape of her dad's eyes, but my eye color. She has her dad's ears and feet and she may have his face shape, but I am undecided on that one. She has my lips and nose (i think anyways) and she has the shape of my legs. Her voice sounds is more of me and I really don't know how her teeth will be. I have some pictures that is just 100% her dad, but there are certain things I can see myself in but she just seems to carry more of her dad's looks. I've mentioned several times that she is a busy body...she is always walking around and never just sitting. As I was saying that I realized that I myself was up walking around and I do not just sit usually. I pace all the time...she has picked up on that one and she herself paces which is absolutely adorable lol. She does not like tv...well..i wouldn't say she dislikes tv, but she rarely watches it. I am the same way...especially as a child. I was always outside playing or if I couldn't play outside I would be inside playing something and never paid attention to the tv...it never held my attention like it did most people. It's those little things that I am noticing about her.
As far as updates on me there aren't really a whole lot. I am in my last week of orientation. So far I have met all the deadlines and am on track there. Sunday marks the very last day of orientation and then I get a week off. I will start my actual classes on April 25. I am nervous about that just because I am starting to question whether I will be able to pass my classes. I am going into it with a postive attitude and just taking it one step at a time, but if I fail a class I have to pay $1,045 out of my pocket. Kinda scary when you think about it like that haha...but I have to let that roll off my back. Work...well...I really don't even want to get started on that subject because it would make this post ten times longer than it already is. Life in general...I feel pretty good at the present moment. I have been able to get some things off my chest that were really weighing me down. I do have some things I pray for often...such as the fact that I am so super ready for God to provide me and Maddy our own place. I am very grateful for my mom allowing me and Maddy to stay here, but I am ready to raise Maddy in "our" home or apt or townhouse lol. Me and Maddy have been attending church with my mom and step dad at Woodland Park Baptist Church. No offense to the church itself, but that church is just not a place I can call home. Every Sunday I am there all I can think about is going back to my original church, Bayside, but I am little nervous about going back there. I've been really torn in the church arena, but I need to find me and Maddy a church home and soon. I will say that Woodland Park is having some opportunities open up that I really wouldn't mind helping out in because they involve the nursery/toddler room...that is where my heart is. My heart isn't with kids just because I am a mom myself, but because of my own childhood. I knew early on that I wanted to make sure no kid had to feel what I felt as a kid and that is the driving force of me trying to start my own daycare. I do want to get involved in church and I have never had that opportunity anywhere else so I am just going to pray about church and see where the Lord ends up putting us.
Well, I really could talk forever but I am going to end this here so I can get started in school work before my battery dies. I hope you all have a good rest of the week and I'm sure I will be posting more this week as I really have a lot to say.

Mommy 101

I know I posted a while back that I was going to be getting Maddy a big girl potty and get potty training started. Funds weren't available and I didn't realize that until after I posted that post lol. I'm really not sure I had the funds to get it this week, but it was just something I had to go ahead and get. I had a real hard time deciding which one I wanted to get. There is a fisher price one that has an actual handle to flush and a toilet paper stand that sits on the side. It was really neat and when they go potty it cheers for them. It was the most expensive at $30. I went with a Safety 1st 3 in 1 potty and it's pink. The seat is all foam and feels amazing...I would love to have a seat made out of that lol. It doesn't have a handle or anything, but it looks pretty much like a toilet. Maddy isn't 100% ready to go full force into potty training, but every morning when I get her up one of the first things she tells me is she is dirty. Now for the most part when she has to go potty (# 2) she will point to her hiney and say, "Dirty." She knows when she does this, it's time to get a new diaper. I read in the What to Expect books to introduce them to the potty and let them just kinda explore it for a little bit with their clothes on. I did sit her on it when I had to go potty and I told her everything we had to do. She watched and listened very intently and did a real good job of just sitting on her potty while mommy was on mommy's potty. As I learn things and experience things, I will definitely share on here. I remember hearing a lot of people complain about having to change diapers and how glad they were to get rid of the diaper changes. That is one thing that has never bothered me. Even when Maddy was newborn and I was basically walking in my sleep, having to change her diapers was never annoying. I am finding that as she gets older and older, I am having more and more emotional moments lol. I'm not at all ready for her to be out of diapers. I'm excited for her to introduce and help teach her how to use things as a big girl does, but on the inside I'm like aww....what happened to my baby. I am definitely having some baby blues or baby withdrawals. Out of everything that is coming, the hardest thing will be when I have to turn her crib into her toddler bed. I actually think I will cry on that one because I'm about to sit here and cry just thinking about it, but I kinda had an emotional night as it is. I have gotten way off topic so let me kinda switch back. I was able to get a picture of her on her potty. I will go ahead and post it here:

Something else that I just got Maddy that I should have gotten a long time ago is her very own toothbrush and toothpaste. Her toothbrush is just the perfect size for her little hands and I believe the package said it was for ages 18-24 months. I got her Colgate brand just because that was the best in my opinion. I got her Aquafresh training toothpaste that says it is for ages 3-24 months and I tasted it and it kinda tastes like apple and banana baby food. Maddy always helps me brush my teeth when she is in the bathroom with me. When I gave her her toothbrush with the toothpaste on it, she just wanted to lick off the toothpaste and kept asking for more. I then showed her how to brush her teeth and she did a little bit. I was able to get a couple pictures of her brushing. I am going to have to work with her to make sure all her teeth get good and brushed and not just the front lol. She is very independent so she does not want any help from mommy so that is going to be my biggest challenge. Here are the pics. She decided to sit on her potty and brush her teeth too. She has really done so good with it all.

For some reason I am receiving an error message when I try to rotate my pictures. I will keep working on it and try to fix. Another first Maddy had today was her very own taco bell meal. It was just a cheese roll up, which is really kinda gross as much as I hate to say that about anything from there, but she was so happy. She ate almost the whole thing by herself. That was a proud mommy moment as I am a huge taco bell lover. I did get a pic, but it's on my phone. I also went shopping at the Children's Place today because I had a $20 coupon...I just didn't read it very well. In order to redeem it you had to spend $40 and then you'd get $20 off. I am so happy with the clothes Maddy has gotten. She has a much better wardrobe than me. Well, that is all I have to say for now. Thanks for listening/reading :)

Weekly Hit

I bet you think I got this song specifically for a break up lol...well...you are wrong! I actually bought this CD whenever it came out. I used to be a real big country music fan. I still like country music, some of it, but I listen to all kinds of music. I do remember "back in the day" lol that I sang my heart out to this song and I wished that whoever had just broken up with me would show at least some kind of emotion, but I honestly can't remember who or how old I was even. As I was watching this video though it made me realize this is mostly for the person who got dumped. If you are the one doing the dumping you are going to feel relieved to be out of the relationship and free to speak so why would you "cry". I realize some people may just feel bad that they are hurting somebody, but if that is your soul purpose in showing any kind of emotion then I'd say just don't. In my little mind if show emotion when you break up with someone that tells me that you aren't really over them or want to be done with them. I know this isn't the case for everybody and I also know that there are some people/relationships that just don't work no matter how bad they want it to. Look at Maci and Ryan from teen mom. Reguardless as to what they say, I feel that they both want it to work, but they know they don't work. Ok, I am really going to go do my school work now lol.

Thank You...

As I was working tonight, I was thinking about what I would blog about tonight. I actually had a topic picked out that talked about addiction. I decided against that topic for now because I'm just not ready to go down that road. After working a little longer, it hit me that I had feelings I had never even thought about. I guess I took a step back and looked at where I have come from and where I am today. A whole lot has happened in a month's time and I am apparently growing as a person without realizing it. Trust is a very hard thing for me. I have allowed my past to harbor feelings of distrust and fear and even some anxiety. When I start a new relationship I do trust so to speak. I know I have no reason not to trust them unless they end up doing something that breaks trust. I am scared when I start a new relationship because I don't want to get hurt in any way, so I keep my guard up. Once something is done that breaks any form of trust with me...the relationship may as well be over. It would take a very strong and patient man to stay with me once they lose my trust. I have come to realize that through the help of some of you guys I am slowly but surely starting to let my guard down and start to trust even if it's just a tiny little bit. This is a huge break through for me because I have been trying to work on this for years. I still have a long ways to go on this issue, but I am very excited over the progess that has been made. I realized tonight that I am starting to feel a little more free and I can't tell you what kind of smile that has put on my face. I am learning to be me and I know that if somebody wants to lie to me or do something they know would hurt me then that is on them and I am not going to let it rule me anymore. If you are that type of person that lies and tries to hurt other people then I really don't need you in my life. I have situations in life right now that for the most part I trust but I have my moments of distrust and I begin to question why I have them in my life because it's the type of feeling you just don't ignore..kinda like woman's intuition. I am starting to feel that I have a great support system and yes a lot of it is through facebook and you guys that read my blog. I have received some very encouraging words from you guys and you all have listened to me whine and complain and have heard me talk about some really hard times in my life and not once has anything negative or bad been said to me. I just wanted to share this with you all because you all have played a part in helping me transform into a better person. The Lord has just been right here holding my hand every step of the way and I trust Him a whole lot more now than i did a month ago. I do feel God is preparing me for something and for quite some time now I've had thoughts that God was preparing me to get fired. So far I have not been fired and I really really hope he doesn't allow that to happen, but if He does I know that He has equipped and prepared me to trust fully in Him. If I end up fired and you guys hear me freaking out because I don't know how to provide for Maddy, please remind me that the Lord has it under control and remind me of what I said on this post lol. If me being fired is not what He is preparing me for, then I am really excited or anxious to know what it is. I better get started on my school work now. Again, thank you all for being my support system and helping me in times of need...I really appreciate it more than you know :)

First Week

I wanted to talk a little bit about my first week at school. My first day I was a little confused on how it all worked. There is still a little bit I am confused on. Once I worked through what all I was supposed to be doing, it's gotten a lot better. My sleep patterns have already changed and I must say so far that has been the hardest. My first night I didn't get done with homework until 11:30 p.m. because I am on overtime at work so I don't get done until 10 p.m., then I go straight into school work. The part that concerns me a little is this is just orientation. The purpose of it is to show you what it will be like when you start your actual classes. At first I thought this would be really dumb, but it is much needed. Once my classes start I will not be able to get away with only an hour of work. I will have to put a lot of thought into what I am doing and failing is not an option. The assignments are pretty easy so far. What takes me the longest is not everything is in one place. You start out in one thing, then you have to go to other tabs to get the rest of the things that are due. My fear of failing is starting to act up and I'm starting to do the oh no, what if i fail this thing that I always do to myself. I am trying to keep that out of my mind and just let the Lord handle it. That is very hard for me to do. If you are a parent going back to school, how do you juggle your day to day duties and school and work? Time management is going to be crucial in my life, and the more stressed I feel, the worse this skill becomes. Do you have any advice or tips you could share? If you are reading this I would like to ask you to say a small prayer for me that God will guide my life and I will turn all my worries over to Him. Thank you for taking time to stop by and read my blog :)