First Week

I wanted to talk a little bit about my first week at school. My first day I was a little confused on how it all worked. There is still a little bit I am confused on. Once I worked through what all I was supposed to be doing, it's gotten a lot better. My sleep patterns have already changed and I must say so far that has been the hardest. My first night I didn't get done with homework until 11:30 p.m. because I am on overtime at work so I don't get done until 10 p.m., then I go straight into school work. The part that concerns me a little is this is just orientation. The purpose of it is to show you what it will be like when you start your actual classes. At first I thought this would be really dumb, but it is much needed. Once my classes start I will not be able to get away with only an hour of work. I will have to put a lot of thought into what I am doing and failing is not an option. The assignments are pretty easy so far. What takes me the longest is not everything is in one place. You start out in one thing, then you have to go to other tabs to get the rest of the things that are due. My fear of failing is starting to act up and I'm starting to do the oh no, what if i fail this thing that I always do to myself. I am trying to keep that out of my mind and just let the Lord handle it. That is very hard for me to do. If you are a parent going back to school, how do you juggle your day to day duties and school and work? Time management is going to be crucial in my life, and the more stressed I feel, the worse this skill becomes. Do you have any advice or tips you could share? If you are reading this I would like to ask you to say a small prayer for me that God will guide my life and I will turn all my worries over to Him. Thank you for taking time to stop by and read my blog :)

Mommy 101

I may turn this into an ongoing topic...who knows with me lol. The point of this post is to talk about all the things I've learned about being a mom. The most shocking thing I learned about being mommy is the amount of opinions that are thrown my way. I guess whenever kids are involved people think they have the right to tell you what you should or should not do for your child. I've had complete strangers come up to me and tell me I should have socks on Maddy's feet or I don't have her warm enough and this and that. It really blew my mind that these people honestly thought they knew what is best for Maddy...that I would just let my child freeze or whatever the case may be. I haven't exactly mastered the art of just letting these things roll off my back, but I can at least say to myself that I know I am a good mom despite what anybody may think or feel and I love Maddy very much. I have her best interest at heart in everything I do. Another thing I've learned is that you expect to teach your child this and that, but your child also teaches you things. Maddy has shown me what love is all about. She showed me things in my relationship with the Lord before she was every born that I probably never would figured out or understood. Something I've learned that actually deals with parenting I guess is the word I'm looking for is this...I used to have a lot of problems with Maddy waking up a whole bunch in the middle of the night when I was trying to get her to sleep in her crib. I started leaving a bottle in her crib so when she would wake up she would drink her bottle and go back to sleep. To this day I keep a bottle in her crib for when she wakes up. I also have one of those crib toys that plays music that has really helped. Brand new they run around $40 which I thought was ridiculous. Thanks to the Just Between Friends sale I got one for $10. Maddy absolutely LOVES this thing. She knows how to operate it all by herself. She can change the sounds and she knows how to turn it on and off. She seems quite proud of herself that she can do this lol. Something else I've learned is if baby starts out not liking the swing...DON'T force them lol. Force is actually the wrong word, we just helped her to like it. The first day home from the hospital I used her swing and for the most part she didn't mind. I was was either using her swing or I'd lay her in her bassinet. At some point soon after her first day home she decided she didn't like the swing for some reason, so I quite using it for a while. My mom and I were talking about her swing issue, so my mom showed me what she did with my sister, who in turn ended up loving the swing. I was wanting Maddy to use her swing at night for her bed and after my mom worked with her one night Maddy came to love her swing. I was so happy, but little did I know the consequences of this. Some people start out using the crib right off the bat. I am/was terrified to do this because I've heard and read all about the babies who suffocated and I wanted Maddy to be safe. My plan was throughout the day use her swing and bouncy seat and then at night use her bassinet. I wanted to put Maddy in her crib around 4 months because she would have better control over her muscles and could roll over if need be. I believe Maddy was around 2.5 months when she got ok with the swing again. Soon after she turned 4 months I tried putting her in her crib. It was a no go. I couldn't keep her asleep when I put her down and if I could then she was up within an hour or so and there was no getting her back to sleep after that. I was still sleep deprived so I just said forget it and put her back in her swing. This was the wrong thing to do lol. I periodically tried getting her into her crib and for the record yes I did master the art of getting her in her crib while she was asleep haha...but I could never get her to sleep all night while in her crib. Once she would wake up she just cried and cried so I always would end up putting her in her swing. I went through 3 swings because apparently if you use them for 12 hours at a time every night plus naps the motor just goes kaput lol. I decided after the last swing died on me that I would just have to get her in her crib. She was I believe 10 months when this happened. The first night it took over an hour to get her to fall asleep in my arms. The whole week that week took a good hour to get her to fall asleep so I could then lay her in her crib, but after that it got better. Now, Maddy goes to sleep on her own. I rock her and let her drink her bottle and then I spend some time with her, but once she starts trying to play or she looks like she is about to fall asleep, I then put her in her crib and say goodnight. There are some nights she stays up a good bit after I lay her down, but she'll just lay there and play with her crib toy or finish drinking her bottle and talk to herself and then she will drift off to sleep. I know every baby is different, but this was just my experience with the whole crib/swing thing. If I have another baby..and I am really hoping I do...I will not be so big on the swing. I have also decided that I will let him or her nap in her crib while I am awake and then use the bassinet at night until I feel comfortable letting them sleep all night in the crib.

Weekly Hit

So, I'm not so happy with the video I'm having to use for this week's hit. The official video is too provocative and I don't want that trash on my blog lol. As you can see, this week's song is from Eden's Crush and it's called Get Over Yourself. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what stage of life prompted me to get this song lol. I want to say it was after my divorce, but I think I already knew of the song before then so I have no idea where I first heard it. If you can't tell already I like all kinds of different music. I don't always listen them all though, it just depends on mood I'm in at the time. Obviously this is a man hater song so if I've just gone through a break up or if I'm with a guy that has hurt me and I need to vent a little...this is one song I pull out and just sing my little heart out while driving. When I'm in that situation and I'm singing this song, it helps me feel strong again. I know that probably sounds so weird but it does. Once I get enough man hater songs out of my system I feel much better and feel as if I can get through that particular situation. For the record I don't hate men...yeah, I've been done dirty by a lot of men but I know there are good ones out there.

Oh, My My, MY...

As usual I have a lot on my mind, but this time it's good thoughts lol. As much as I would love to just say what is on my mind as I usually do, I'm not. I was originally gonna do my weekly hit post and hopefully let that take care of my wanting to write, but as I was looking in my tunes I realized that wouldn't suffice. I've had some pretty good conversation this week...it's all lead to the past. Yesterday I had the past on my mind a whole lot. You always hear, "Leave the past behind" or "The past is the past" Well, that's not entirely true. The past is what helps make us who we are. If you are scared to trust, it's because of something that happened in your past. If you are scared to love again, it's because of something that happened in your past. If you are scared to eat leftover food, it's because you had a bad experience with it in the past. We become who we are partly because of the past. I don't think that our past defines who we are, but it is a big part of what we have become. I do think you can leave the past in the past...but you have to learn from the experience first and then you can leave it behind you. There are very few things in my past that I regret. For the most part, even though I may have hated the situation I am pretty thankful for my past because it has helped me become the person I am today. I have wondered what we would be like if we didn't experience the things we have experienced in our past. For some they could love and trust a whole lot easier...for some they probably wouldn't be as strong as they are today. I'm beginning to think I'm not making any sense lol. I think it's time for me to end this and try to find my remote. I might get my weekly hit post done tonight as well :) Happy hump day everybody...I know I for one am so ready for the weekend...w00t w00t!

I Wish

I wish a lot of things to be honest, but what I am thinking about tonight is I wish the Lord would tell me up front whether people are entering my life for a season, or if they'd be staying around. I seem to have a consistent shift of people coming and going from my life. It seems like once I become attached to someone whether it be attached as friends or romantically, they leave. Every best friend I make ends up leaving my life or growing apart from me. My best friend in elementary school ended up moving to a different state the year we entered high school. Do you know how hard it is to have to face your first day of high school without your best friend? Then the next best friend (not that my first best friend has been replaced because she is still one of my best friends) I met while working at CSAS. I worked there for 3.5 years and I really enjoyed my friend's friendship. She ended up meeting a guy and they got married and she started not making time for me. Once I quit the school we very rarely speak and I hate that because we had so much in common. I did forget a best friend...it was my preschool best friend. I think we grew apart because once we started kindergarten we didn't see each other very often and we had new friends in our classroom. My last best friend was another real hard one on me. We met in training class and I started hanging out with "the group", maybe I should say outcasts of that class lol but anyways we got to know each other pretty good and talked all the time. Out of everybody in our group we seemed to have the most in common. He ended up saying he couldn't be my friend anymore and that was that. That was another hard one on me because I thought we could be life long friends and for once I would have a really good friend to hang out with that didn't mind Maddy. These aren't the only people that have left my life, but these are the best friends who have left whether it be their choice or someone elses'. As people enter my life I find myself constantly wondering why it is they have come into my life. I'd at least like to know up front whether it's safe to get attached to the person or not lol...is that really too much to ask for? I will just keep my eyes on the Lord and if I end up attached to someone that is only here for a season, then the worst thing that happens is I end up feeling really sad for a little bit. These are my thoughts tonight...

Weekly Hit

So this week's song is Daniel Powter's "Bad Day." I first heard this song on American Idol believe it or not and I just fell in love with the song. Last year I was having a really bad day so I decided to look up the video and thankfully there was one and I almost think the video made the song even better...it is such a cute video. While I am working on letting God handle all of my worries and fears and what nots I resort to music to express how I feel, so if I am having a bad day I put this song on and try to watch the video and I either end up laughing or crying lol. I hope you all enjoy this video as much as I did.

Repeat Info

Ok, so I have posted this all over facebook and all over twitter...I cannot leave out blogger lol. I start my orientation for school on March 28. My enrollment advisor told me it would be 3 weeks long. The good news is there is no grade...I just have to participate in class and turn in my assignments. Oh man...that sounds so weird to me lol. I also found out today that I was originally slated to start this orientation next week...HA!! My old enrollment advisor never informed me of this. I prefer my old enrollment advisor as far as actually speaking to, but my new advisor seems more thorough and like he will get things done. He came across rude at first and I gave the same attitude back...I think he must have realized how he was sounding because he came off his attitude, but he is very dry lol. If I successfully complete this orientation, then I start my actual courses and voila...I will be a college student once again. Whereas I am very excited to start this chapter in my life, I must admit it comes with some other mixed emotions. I am very nervous that I might fail a class which would result me in having to pay for the class up front and I don't have any extra money to spare. I am worried about how I will get everything done with Maddy and work and now school. Soon after starting the process of enrolling with school I did have a semi break down moment with my mom because I thought I would have help from Maddy's dad to help me with her so I could get my assignments done. Once that option was gone I freaked because I don't get any down time as it is. The most I get is once I get off work at 10:00 p.m. and that usually only leaves me an hour if I want to get good sleep. As I cried on the phone with my mom over how I was going to do it all she was able to offer some comfort. My goal is to not ask for any help from anybody. Surely I can get my homework done throughout the week once I get off of work. I don't want to have to depend on anybody for help...especially since I know everybody has their own life to deal with without trying to help me with mine. The good thing about this college is you only do 2 classes at a time and that's considered full time. I do think the devil is trying to make me worry cause as soon as I got off the phone I instantly started having these "worries" crop up and I know worry is not from the Lord. Thankfully my friend Wendy's blog reminded me to let go of the worry and just give it to God. I wish I could just instantly do this all the time, but unfortunately I struggle greatly with this. Her blog not only helped me in my school situation, but it also helped me with work. This week has gone exceptionally well. I have been amazed at how well it has gone. I started to not enjoy the week for fear it would all go away, but I decided to claim the victory in Jesus' name. Today hasn't gone AS well as the other days this week, but instead of stressing out and fretting over it I just decided to let God handle it all and just keep on keepin on until God decides otherwise. Thank you Wendy for your post today on the secrets of marriage. It has really helped me in different ways really. Anyways...I got off track. I think I got all my excitement out for now so you probably won't hear about my school again until I am complaining because it's too much work lol.