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I have no real topic to talk about tonight...well...actually that's not entirely true, but I'm not going to just come out and say what I am thinking about tonight lol. I have no idea what is wrong with me...well..I kinda do. Today has just been a horrible day and the worst part about it is I am pretty sure I put the stress on myself. My day got started off wrong because when I dropped Maddy off at daycare this morning, her teacher scooped her up to take her with her to talk on the phone and I didn't get a chance to give her a hug and kiss and tell her I love her and bye and that I'd be back. When I got in my car it was all I could do to keep from boo hooing because I could just see Maddy thinking I would be in her room when she got back and then finding out that I wasn't...I didn't like how that might have made her feel. She may have handled it just fine I don't know, but it's important to me to let her know that I love her and that I'll be back for her. So I fought back tears all the way home. Once I got home and to work it just went downhill from there. I am not handling the stress from my job very well at all. It can't be healthy to stay this tore up all the time. I'm to the point of just throwing in the badge and if need be filing bankruptcy and just start completely over. At one point today I was so ready to do that, but the Lord keeps whispering in my ear the word "perserverance." I know the Lord has everything under control, but knowing that doesn't always make it easier. I definitely had a Job moment today to where I was comparing my life to somebody else's and in my head I was thinking about how I try to live for the Lord and it seems I struggle so much and people who aren't living for the Lord seem to just get stuff handed to them. My life has been nowhere close to easy, but one thing I can say is in every circumstance the Lord has brought me through and I end up a stronger person. There are many ways He has shown that He is leading me and I try to take comfort in that, but right now I just feel so defeated. No matter how hard I try it's just never good enough. I'm so tired of dealing with everybody's thoughts and opinions on how I should handle Maddy I could scream. I am so tired of everybody's thoughts and opinions on my job I could scream. I am so tired of everybody's thoughts and opinions on my relationships I could scream. Is there anything I can do right that makes somebody say, "Hey you're doing a good job." I constantly feel like I am being tugged and pulled on. If I don't do what this person thinks I should do then I'm a horrible mom, or if I do something that person thinks I shouldn't do then I just don't know what I'm doing or I'm being ridiculous...blah blah blah. Now that I have done my complaining and whining I am ready to move on to something a lot more exciting to talk about lol. In the middle of my wanting to just up and quit my job today I got an email from my academic advisor that was was welcoming me to college. The only thing I have left to do is complete a workshop, then I will officially start my classes. I haven't fully decided on how I am going to work school. I am starting out with my associate's that prepares me for a teaching degree. Originally I was going to get my bachelor's degree in teaching so if my daycare doesn't work out I could at least get a job with Hamilton County as a teacher somewhere. When I was enrolling I told my advisor what I was wanting to do and he told me that I might want to consider getting my associates in teaching and then going back and do the business aspect of things since running a daycare involves a lot of business. I had never even thought of that and I do think that's a good idea, but between the two I'd rather have my teaching degree. I saw on tv the other day though that Penn Foster actually has a daycare management type degree and all they require is for me to already have my associate's. So now I am contemplating once I get my associate's degree maybe transferring over to Penn Foster and go through their daycare classes. It's a lot to think about, but for now I will just take it one step at a time and only focus on passing my classes. I am nervous over that because if I fail a class then it ruins my financial aid. That's not adding any pressure at all for me to do well lol. When I got that email today I began to see a small glimmer of light and was so thankful to know there is an end to my current stress at work in sight...it is still a long ways off, but it's at least there. Before I saw no end so it gave me a little relief. I am going to do some research to see what is involved in running a daycare and if they require any degrees. If no degree is required then I may try to start work on getting it started now. It seems like Maddy's daycare owners said from the time they got the idea to start the daycare till the time it opened, it took 5 years. I may be wrong on that though because I know they have been open for 5 years and this year will be 6, but either way it does take time to get everything in place.I know if I can just get a building and loan and all that good stuff that my daycare will do just fine. I feel confident in the ideas that I have in order to make it successful, but the Lord will always be in the center of my daycare. I am starting to pray over my daycare now and I am asking the Lord to go before me and prepare the way. If you know someone who has started a daycare outside of their home and they are willing to give advice, please feel free to comment or email me. I have no idea about how to get things started and can use all the advice there is. I do believe I have made this quite lengthy already, so I will call it a night. Thanks for listening to me whine, this has prevented me from spending the rest of the night crying myself to sleep. I am now going to research daycare's. Good night!

Free Photo Books

Everybody likes free stuff right? I found this incredible offer from Picaboo.com. You get a free photo book that includes 20 pages. You simply click the link in my blog, start creating your book, and voila. I just tried it out and sure enough you get the book free. You do still have to pay for shipping, but it's only $7.99. The book itself costs $39.99 plus tax, which made it $47.98. The offer is good only to new customers of Picaboo and it only goes through March 22, so if you are interested in getting this wonderful deal you better hurry and click the link and get started. I will be looking for more great deals from them and will definitely let you all know what I find. Happy photo-booking :)

Random pics

Well, I do have a few things I could talk about, but I just don't want to right now so I found a cd of pictures in my car and am just now looking through them to see what they are. I am soo excited because it has some pictures from Florida that I thought were gone forever...the water that year, 2008, was so amazing. I bet you are thinking the first pics I show are that of Florida...WRONG!! lol. The first picture I am going to share looks a whole lot like Maddy...this picture is actually a my youngest niece Abby. We were celebrating her birthday at Ryan's and I am guessing she is maybe 3?

I will post a picture of Maddy now so you can try to compare them:

These probably aren't the best pictures to compare too, but they resemble each other a whole whole lot.

This is a picture of Manny as a puppy. He was the cutest little puppy but he kept me up literally every 4 hours! He loved being with me at the apt and would follow me around and try to get me to play. The few times I actually washed dishes(haha)he would always climb up on the dishwasher and try to help me. It was so cute...to this day he will still follow me around the kitchen, but he doesn't try to climb in the dishwasher anymore. I hope someday really soon God would bless me and Maddy with a home of our own.

This is another Maddy look alike..that is Abby again, but I have no idea how old..i guess 2.5

Here I am taking her down the slide...it was hard climbing up there with her in my arms lol. I used to have short hair too...it's so amazing how things change over time.

This is my beautiful niece Sara after she had just gotten her ears pierced. She was 5 and she was so proud of herself for not crying, but you could tell she was in pain.

Well...I think I have shared enough random pics now lol.

Weekly Hit

I wish I could say I have this song in support of the troops over in Iraq. To be honest I ran across this song soon after I got dumped. I was hurting so bad and this song was catchy and made me feel better so I got it. I can say now though that this song is for all the men and women who have served in our military. I cannot imagine what they along with their families go through on a daily basis. It takes a strong and special person to be in the military as well as be a husband or wife to a military person. If you have served in the military, I say thank you for fighting for me and Maddy.

Weekly Hits

I actually wasn't going to write tonight, but I had a great idea hit me half way through the day. Some people have a "weekly" something or other on their blog...so why not me? I have decided to do a weekly hit on my blog, which is where I look through my iTunes and post a video of a song and talk about why I have it in my tunes. The first song up is Addison Road All That Matters. I will go ahead and put the video in here and then write below the video as to why I have this song:

The first time I heard this song was on the radio. I love the sound of the music, but once I listened to the lyrics I instantly had to have it. I struggle with my self image a whole lot. This song helps me to remember that my outward appearance means nothing to the Lord, I am beautiful to Him just the way I am...and that's all that matters. There are many times or days that I feel inferior to people and if I can make myself remember this song it helps me to refocus on the Lord and realize that i AM somebody and even if people on earth thought I was ugly it wouldn't matter because the Lord thinks differently. I also know that beauty is on the inside more than the outside...I strive to make sure I am a beautiful person inside and if I succeed in that, it will shine outwardly.

Turning the Page

Believe it or not I am starting to run out of things to talk about. I will probably take a very very short break here soon in order to charge up my thoughts again. I look forward to my nightly posts...it has really helped me to get rid of my stress and worry and give it to the Lord. I'm not completely stress/worry free, but a lot more than I would be if I weren't writing. Life has been so up and down for me for a while now. Not too long ago I was talking about how I felt so lost in life...not in a spiritual way, but in a directional way. I don't really have any idea exactly where I am going, but instead of feeling lost and alone and sad, I'm starting to feel excitement along with a little anxiousness. It's only been a little over a week, but I feel as if I have already turned to a new page in my life and I couldn't be any more thrilled than I am right now. All in all I just want the Lord to drive my life and not me. I kept it short and sweet tonight, but I will add a song of the night video below this. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy it with the ones you love :)

Bieber Fever?

Oh man...I cannot believe I am even writing this. Over several weeks, Wally from Way-Fm's Total Axxess has had some reports on Justin Bieber. Wally says he is not a Bieber fan, but I am really starting to question him. I will be the first to admit that my first time ever hearing about Justin Bieber I just rolled my eyes and was like yeah whatever. Anytime I heard the name I was just so turned off. After listening to Wally and the song snippet he plays when talking about Justin, I noticed myself liking it more and more. The tune was very catchy and I found myself singing it in my head. I will include the video to the snippet they play on way-fm at the bottom of this post. What really got me a little more interested in Justin was when I heard Wally talking about Justin's mom and how involved she is with his career. I did not know that she hired a traveling tour pastor to go on the road with them. I know just having a tour pastor does not make you a christian, but I give his mom a thumbs up because she is really trying to protect her son from the negative side of "Hollywood." I have been watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on Hulu to catch up on the episodes I missed and they had a 2 hour special on the Brown family. Long story short they had a daughter that was texting and driving and she ended up going off the road and her truck flipped. She wasn't wearing a seat belt and was ejected from the truck and ended up dying. Her family was left heartbroken and they decided to try to make a difference in other people's lives by showing them what can happen if you text and drive. It is a very heart wrenching story and if I still texted while driving, I would have stopped after seeing this episode. This family also has a 12 year old daughter who is struggling just as much as her parents with her sister's death. This daughter's name is Katrina and she wants to be an actress. Their vacation was to NYC and they had a surprise for Katrina...they brought a few of her friends to NYC and they all got to go see Justin Bieber and hang out with him. After seeing how he handled himself and the situation and what he had to say about it I gained a new respect for him. He seems to be really down to earth as well as a humble human being. As I watched him interact with this family and other fans, he didn't portray that he was this big celebrity and all must bow down to him. He has a pure look to him and his voice. Do I personally have the Bieber fever...I wouldn't really say so. I do like some of his songs and I also have at least some respect for him based off what I have seen and heard so far. I just hope that he stays true to who he is and not let the ways of this world turn him into something he isn't. He has a good message to kids..."Never say never." I was not aware that he got discovered by posting videos of him singing on youtube. I went and checked them out and he has some amazing talent. Not only can he sing, but he can play the drums, piano, and guitar. He is an entertainer and a great dancer as well. He tells everybody to never give up on their dreams cause they can happen and it inspires me on my dream because I do feel that my dream will never happen. I wouldn't say running my own daycare is exactly my dream....it is a part of my dream. I have thought about what exactly my dream is all day today and for a while I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I wanted to do. In a way, I want to be like an extreme makeover, but for kids. This may not even make sense but I would love to go work with a child for a little bit and help build their self esteem or whatever their situation may be and help them turn their lives around. I want to be that safe haven for kids and help change lives one child at a time. I think I would find a lot of enjoyment in working with the make a wish foundation, even though that's not exactly what I am talking about when I say I want to change kids lives. If I had to be a motivational speaker...I'd choose to target daycares and get daycares fired up in running an amazing daycare that provides a safe, loving, and happy environment. I have a few ideas of things that would be meaningful to me, but I have no idea how or where to get started. Bottom line I just know I want to go love on kids and help them see their worth in God's eyes. Anyways, I have gotten way off course here lol. I do believe in dreams coming true...not so sure I believe that same philosophy in terms of love haha. I think if you work hard and pray over your dreams they will eventually happen, but it's all in God's timing. I don't think, however, that striving to accomplish your dream should become number one priority over God OR family/relationships. So this is my take on Justin Bieber...he seems to be a pretty good kid with a good message and has some real talent.