In My Daughter's Eyes

This song says everything there is to say. I can't listen to this song without crying. For Maddy's 1st birthday party, I had her dad make a slideshow of her first year and this is one of the songs I used. If I can find the dvd of the slideshow and figure out how to put it on my blog I will put it on here. There is no way of explaining to someone who doesn't have kids just what a blessing kids are. I have always had a passion for kids and thought I knew for the most part what it would be like having my own, but I really had no clue. Before Maddy was even born she was teaching me things. I will never forget my "aha" moment about how the Lord loves me when I was 7 to 8 months pregnant with her. I was sitting on my bed thinking about her and I was thinking about how there was nothing she could do that would make me love her any less. I thought about all the trouble she could possibly get into and how I would handle it. I knew I would have to discipline her, but it wouldn't be out of hate. It was in that moment that I realized that that is how God feels about us. He loves us unconditionally and when we do mess up, He is there to correct us...out of love. When I realized that I just sat and cried and that moment right there made my relationship with the Lord a lot stronger. Maddy makes me better myself everyday. Just as the song says she keeps me going when I feel like giving up...I can't give up...I don't want to teach her to be a quiter. I can tell you there are many days that I feel so ready to give up, but I see her and know I have to keep fighting...I have to keep giving it my all. I want to be a good/positive influence on her and give her the tools she needs to live a happy and successful life. I want to give her the best...and that doesn't always mean in a financial way. Being financially stable is important I believe, but money doesn't buy happiness...it doesn't define who we are. I want to make sure I spend good quality time with her and make some amazing memories. Today when we went on a walk she turned herself kinda sideways in her stroller so she could me and she was just a talking, so I talked back to her and then started to play with her by barely touching her hand and then quickly pulling my hand away and she just thought that was the funniest thing. So we played that for a little bit and then she added a new twist to it by putting her head down as if she were hiding. I asked where Maddy was and she'd pop her head up and laugh and then want me to get her hand. I'm sure she won't remember that moment, but it's something that will be etched in my memory forever. Another memory I'll have forever is over the weekend I decided to be goofy and she was pushing her shopping cart she has and I'd run towards her and grab it and make it look like she hit me and then I'd run back a little bit and then come running right back towards her...she laughed sooo hard. I'm really not sure I've even heard her laugh as hard as she did that night and my heart was just grinning. There is nothing better then hearing your child laugh, especially when you are the reason why.

Are You There God? It's Me Again, Heather

My week has started out extremely rough. Every time I conquer one problem, another one seems to crop up. One thing I am trying to do is deal with the things that stress me out better. I think my first reaction will always be to panick at first, but as long as I can catch myself and get the worry and stress under control and back in the Lord's hands then i am happy with that. On top of my work issue, I got a phone call from Maddy's daycare stating she was running a fever and that I needed to come get her. My job is not very forgiving when you have to take off. I can't just call in because it does affect my job, but I can't work with Maddy in the house because when she sees mommy she wants mommy. Even if that wasn't the case, my mom is the only person who is able/willing to keep her for me and she has to be at court tomorrow on top of meeting with some out of town people for her job. At this point I'm really not sure how I'm going to do tomorrow, but I'm trying not to worry about it until then...and even then i need NOT worry about it because the Lord has everything under control. I just have to do my best and He will provide the rest. I'm not real sure what's going on with Maddy...she's got a 101 fever, real sleepy, and some gas. I wondered if she had an ear infection when I first got her, but I really have no idea. I will be taking her to the doctor tomorrow unless she miracously(sp?) wakes up with no fever and acts a hundred percent fine. My problems probably don't sound so bad, but because I'm right in the middle of them it seems bad. Well, I just needed to vent or ramble for a little bit and now I'm going to go crash as I am so tired. I hope everybody is having a great week so far!

Move That Bus!

This past week has been pretty neat around the hattanooga/Rossville area. Last Sunday Extreme Makeover:Home Edition surprised a family that lives in Rossville, Ga. Ty Pennington with the rest of the design team was spotted around town and that's just not something that happens around here very often. The only "fame" Chattanooga has gotten recently is from Maci Bookout who was on the MTV show 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom. Hundreds of volunteers have worked around the clock in order to get this beautiful house built in one week. To see the community come together for such a great cause has really touched my heart. I am a fan of the show and I always get so emotional watching each and every episode. I think what the show is doing is simply a fantastic gesture. Nobody knows for sure the exact date this episode will air, it's been said to air sometime in May. There are 22 episodes in this season and the Sharrock family makes #21. Obviously I haven't seen all the footage, but hearing everybody shout, "Move that bus!" gave me such joy and happiness for this family. Then once the bus pulled off and everybody is screaming and shouting and clapping and the family is just standing there looking at their brand new house it just makes a person want to cry. I will be very anxious to see this air on tv to see how everything came together. I am so glad the community was willing to put their own lives on hold for a week and give this family something that was much needed. I'm hoping that by this experience, it will stir the community to help other people in need as often as they can. Remember, life shouldn't revolve around you...try putting other's needs before your own. I will end by saying, "Bus driver...MOVE THAT BUS!"
The sign says it all.: Extreme Makeover Photo - WTVC NewsChannel 9: Chattanooga News, Weather, Radar, Sports, Lottery

W@H

I have come to a realization lately over working from home. It truly is a wonderful thing to have a job that allows you to work from home. I want to say that I would not change my working from home for anything. I know I am very fortunate to be able to do this and I don't take it for granted in the least. I have, however, come up with a con list as far as working from home is concerned. Maddy's play room is in the same room as my so called office. For the longest time I wondered why I wanted to be anywhere but that room. She was always wanting to play in there in the beginning and I let her, but inside I was like can we please play somewhere else. A few weeks ago it hit me that I don't want to be in there because I am in there for 40 hours out of the week and sometimes more. I want to stay out of that room whenever I'm not working because it is really starting to feel like I can't escape from work. Another con is the fact that you don't get to get out of work like people in the office do. When we had all that snow and my company closed the office, work at home people were still expected to log in and work. The problem for me is especially since I am on production, I can't keep Maddy home and get my work done. Even when I have someone watching Maddy for me, she doesn't let me work for very long because from day one she has always had my undivided attention for the most part. My manager was willing to work with me and allow me to make up the time I lost, but it was extremely hard and exhausting to get all my time in. Another con is when the system goes down instead of being able to clock "downtime" as they call it, work at home people have to log off. I am forever having to make up time for some reason or another and it's starting to get really old. Today for lunch I was supposed to do my six week abs workout but I literally had no strength or motivation to even think about working out. I was confused as to why I felt that way because working out has always been fun to me. I felt sad and had no reason why. At first I was just going to lay down since I had such trouble going to sleep last night, but I didn't want to do that either. It finally hit me to take advantage of the nice weather and so I got my iPod and decided to go for a walk. Just getting out of the house did wonders for me. I was in a way dreading the weekend..not because I'd rather be at work, but there was just something that was making me not be so happy that the weekend was here. It hit me on my walk that I am starting to feel trapped at home and it's mainly because work has been so stressful for a while now and I just can't escape my work because my work is my home right now. On the weekends I am always trying to think of things to do away from home and it's because I am trying to escape my work and destress as much as possible. The only thing is funds is very limited for me. Finding free things to do that Maddy will enjoy while it is cooler is next to impossible. If you have any ideas on things we could do please share with me.

Maddy

I was so proud of Maddy today. She is very independent and when we walk, she doesn't want to hold your hand. When I pick her up from daycare I always carry her to the car cause otherwise we will stay at the daycare until they close or she will pitch a fit if I don't go the way she wants to go or if I hold her hand. The past couple of days she has fussed when it was time to leave because she was wanting to walk. The first time I still carried her. I decided that since it was Friday I would try to let her walk to the car. She started out wanting to go down the hall and I just quickly grabbed her hand and told her, "No we have to go this way." Surprisingly she actually followed me with no problems. We made it to the door, then she wanted to take off running, so I once again grabbed her hand and she made herself fall down and cry for just a second. I picked her back up and she continued right on to the car. I was so proud of her. I have tried this before, but she pitched a fit the entire time and wouldn't get up and walk. Once she realized she had to get in the car instead of exploring outside she wasn't a happy camper and once again made herself fall down. I picked her up and loved on her and she just put her head down on my shoulder. I think the real problem was she was sleepy but even with her being tired she did so good. With the weather getting warmer I am going to start working with her at home about listening to what I am saying as well as teaching her that sometimes we have to hold mommy's hand. I tried this last weekend, but chose a really bad time to let her have her outside time. She was beyond tired and just pitched a fit over any and everything. I am really trying to work on her vocabulary as well. She understands so much more than she can say. She's not behind in her talking by any means, but there are a few words I really want to try to teach her. She can say "mama", "nana" "doggie" "toaby" "misty" "dada" "bye bye" "night night" "bottle" "drink" "bite bite" "more" "bath" She can say all these things, but she doesn't necessarily use them all the time. She doesn't call me "mama". She just goes "uh....uh" if she is wanting something and points. The one thing she says ALL the time is more, more. I'm trying to get her to call me mommy. She will repeat what I say and she even said her own name...it was so cute. I did teach her something about the word mommy unknowingly. In hoping she would correlate me to the word I was pointing to myself as I said "mama" so now if she says mama she will point to herself. I think it's so cute. I do think there have been a few times here and there she has called me mama, I actually think she did that tonight on our walk but some of her sounds sound like the same thing. For example, when she wants more of something she says, "mo mo" and I am wondering if there have been times when she was saying mama but I thought she was saying more. If I'm not sure what she is saying I always asked if she wanted more and did the sign. Well, anytime you ask her if she wants more she is going to immediately start saying more as she does the sign. Her "hi" and "bye" sound very similar to each other as well as "night night" "bite bite" and "bye bye" I have working hard in trying to teach her to say love you, but I don't think she's quite ready for that yet. She listens very intently right now when I say that. As I change her diaper I say "love you" a whole lot. I know that any day now she will pop up saying "love you" with all the listening she is doing with it. I don't cram a bunch of words her way..right now there are 2 things i'm working on on a consistent basis..."mama" and "love you" She is so super smart and even her teacher sees just how smart she is. I wish I could claim this trait, but I think she is going to have her daddy's brains. He is very book smart and I think Maddy will be as well. I just really hope she learns common sense and can be "people" smart as well. The picture on this blog is a picture I took while she was at school. We are both so ready for it to be warm every day. We took a walk around the neighborhood the past 2 nights and she has loved it. She absolutely loves being outside as do I. Last summer we took many walks, but she was in her stroller...this summer...I'm not so sure that will fly with her. I'm hoping she will still take walks in her stroller as long as she gets to roam around plenty too. I'm also really hoping she will stay in the pool longer this year than she did last year. I'm really not sure she will...I actually think she will not last as long as she did last year since she is able to motivate on her own. I am really hoping we get to go to the beach this year, even if it's just for a weekend. I'd much rather stay the week though...I haven't stayed a week in Florida in years. I am working on a way to get us to the beach now and I think I have a really good plan and it can happen, but I really don't want to take her alone. I know I could do it if I had to, but I'd have a really hard time getting luggage to the room..actually for startes it'd be hard checking in because she would want down and would pitch a fit cause I obviously couldn't put her down, then the luggage, then there's the whole dining by myself thing. Anyways, all in all I just wanted to brag on Maddy in this post. She is so sweet and loving and I love her so much! It seems like as time goes on we just seem to bond more and more. I'm really hoping to get more followers on my blog so if you know anybody that might be interestd in hearing my rambling please send them my way. I'd also like to hear from other mom's on any tips they have to share as far as raising kids...especially single parents. If you have any tips on traveling with a toddler I'm all ears on that as well.

The Upside of Things

I had so many other things that I was gonna blog about tonight...btw, I really don't like the word blog lol. I was going to talk about Maddy, although I must admit now that I can't remember what I was going to say about her. I was going to give my opinion on the show Teen Mom. I was going to talk about how I was feeling today. These were going to be three seperate blogs..I know crazy right? Well, the calender thing that my mom got me for Valentine's day...I realized I hadn't read what the thought of the day was for today. Before I tell you what it says, I will give a brief description of my day. I decided to get smart and see what I need to make production wise for today and tomorrow in order to meet for the week. I was a little stressed over it, especially since I basically have no work. I came with the attitude that i WOULD meet production and I'm happy to say that I actually went a little over what I had to do in order to meet, so if I can meet tomorrow then I will have succeeded and no emails from my manager. Anyways, I still feel a sense of sadness over the breakup, but I was able to focus a lot more at work and I actually only ended up having one crying spell. I feel as if I am ok with my life moving in the direction it is even though I have no idea where I'm really going. I still have moments where I want to text him or tell him something, but that is starting to go away. I do find myself thinking about him almost every minute of the day and I think I will do that for a while before it starts to go away. I woke up this morning with a little regret over last night's blog but decided it was good for me to tell how exactly how I was feeling and I really believe it is going to help me heal a lot faster than if I just kept that to myself. So that is my day in a nutshell. After I got done with work I saw my calender laying on the floor. I decided to read today's thought and instantly knew that was God talking directly to me. It says, "Don't worry about seeing or understanding what the future holds. God wants you to trust Him as He leads you, even though you can't see clearly ahead. And don't be overly concerned about fully comprehending the past. Only He knows the whole truth about it, anyway. You have Him now. He is your light. And that's all that matters." My analytical mind starts to instantly have questions such as what does it mean for me when it says, "don't be overly concerned about fully comprehending the past. Only He knows the whole truth about it, anyway." It may mean absolutely nothing, but it also might mean something. For now I am just going to say it means that my thoughts were right in the beginning, I just don't know the full details. If that is the case then I know I will be 100% ok. I think I will read this over and over because it really pertains to my situation. I want to be in the center of God's will and I plan on keeping my focus on Him, and Maddy of coarse. This inspirational thought has just made me so happy because I am feeling hope again. Even though I feel completely lost in life it's a nice reminder that God is leading me and all I have to do is trust Him. That sounds so easy, but it's not always so easy because we don't see the big picture like He does. I am so thankful that the Lord is in control of my life. I just want to end saying thank you Lord for loving me and guiding me and being patient with me. I definitely can't see the road ahead of me very clear, but I will do my best to put 100% of my trust in you.

6 week six pack

So my valentine present to myself was Jillian Michaels 6 week six pack. I had my eye on the dvd for a while now and was surprised to find that it was only $7.99 at WalGreens. I have a couple of Jillian Michaels dvd's and let me tell you...they are hard! I thought this workout wouldn't be as hard since it focus' on the abs...boy was I ever wrong. You get a cardio workout while you are working your abs. Not only was my stomach sore, but my legs were killing me the next day. I've only completed 2 days and would like to see the 6 weeks through to see what kind of shape I can get my abs back in. Before having Maddy I had a pretty good core. I didn't have a six-pack and I'm really not sure I want a six-pack, but it was toned. After having Maddy, it's pretty much like a bowl of jelly lol. I'm hoping this workout will help me get my stomach back as much as I possibly can.