Spirit

It looks like I will be adding a new topic to my blog...the spirited child. From the moment Maddy was born, actually even before she was born, she did and still does everything with intensity. She never kicked much when I was pregnant, but when she did it hurt! I joked saying it was all the Tae-Bo I did but whatever it was, it was powerful. When she slept she slept so intently...it was as if she had a purpose she was fulfilling. She was a great baby. I've only had one but honestly she was super easy. I struggled with things I didn't see other parents struggling with. Maddy did not like to be confined to anything. I know there are other babies that struggled with the same thing...I get it...but Maddy's struggle just seemed so different. If she was in her carseat she screamed nonstop, unless you could swing her in it or the car was going. If you were swinging her in it, it had to be a hard swing...no little swing...nope..I mean a high fast swing. She would not ride in her stroller. It was then that I realized she had a fear of heights so that was explainable. Most of her baby and early toddler days had an understandable reasoning for her behavior. She was tired, she was hot, she was hungry, she was thirsty, etc. This past weekend is when my eyes really opened up and I got this gut wrenching feeling that something was wrong. As a baby she never had any separation anxiety. She has severe separation anxiety now. Leaving her at school or her sunday school at church is a major process. I've always assumed it was because we moved into our new place back in July and she was just unsure. Transitions are hard on her. Getting out of the house is a process. I know most toddlers don't want to get in the car...I get that. Maddy will go into these major tantrums to where I look at her and wonder where in the world that anger came from. She responds well to timers for the most part so I'm thinking I need to start using them for when we need to transition to something else. This past Saturday she was having a good time playing. It was getting late and it was time for her to go to bed. Normally I can catch her before she throws her fits, but there was no catching the fit this time. I mean she was hitting me, trying to hit Manny, stomping her foot and yelling to the top of her lungs NO! STOP! If I tried talking to her it sent her over the edge even more. I mean she was literally going crazy in that moment. I honestly had no idea what in the world I needed to do to get her to calm down. I learned some calming techniques when I worked with my special needs student years ago that I was tempted to try to do on her. One of those techniques is putting a lot of weight on their head...like pushing down with your hands. The problem is you have to bear down hard and I didn't think I could do it hard enough to where it would work and if I couldn't it would have sent her into a more belligerent state. I looked over and found Manny hunkered down under her bed just shaking like a leaf due to her melt down. I finally got him out of the room and then had to leave myself. My leaving upset her even more and she screamed saying, "DON'T LEAVE MOMMY!!!" I did tell her that she needed to calm down and I would come right back. She sat on her bed and screamed and cried for about five minutes. The minute she stopped I went in there and loved on her. After that incident her mood switched and it was as if nothing had happened. It's hard to describe in words her mood swings, but my mom has seen them herself and agreed that it's not a normal three year old tantrum. I woke up Sunday morning and found myself researching bipolar disorder in toddlers. To my surprise there was some information out there about it and it described Maddy. I was dead set on taking her to the doctor to see if they diagnose it this young and to get some help. It was heavy on my mind all day Sunday. I started panicking a little as I started thinking about the teenage years. Monday morning rolled around and I decided to do a little more research on bipolar toddlers. I ran across a forum on Parenting that was real moms with this very real issue. Some said it was just a normal toddler thing while others said doctors don't diagnose it this young. There were two comments that stuck out in my mind. The first being this woman thought her 2 year old was bipolar and had no resources for help because the doctor just told her it was just a toddler thing. This woman didn't find any help until her daughter was in the 5th grade and she ran across this book "Raising Your Spirited Child." The other comment that stuck out in my mind is a doctor prescribed a 4 year old bipolar medication. The parents kept insisting she raise the dosage and she finally gave in and up'd her medication. The 4 year old died and the doctor lost her license and the parents possibly charged with the death of their daughter. The person went on to say that bipolar medicine is only tested on adults so who knows what all it does to kids. That to me is scary. I didn't want Maddy on medicine, but I did want some help on calming techniques. I decided to check out the book Raising Your Spirited Child and honestly, the author describes Maddy to a tee! I bought from my phone and instantly started reading it. Before I felt overwhelmed and scared. As I read I'm finding that I feel less overwhelmed and scared and more okay with things. I am feeling like I will gain the confidence I need to get Maddy through this...to help her. I'm reluctant to read just any parenting book...especially if it doesn't have Christian principles. Actually, I hate to read period. This book is insightful and gives me hope. So far what I've learned is instead of having or thinking negative thoughts about her behavior...such as she's strong willed, loud, demanding...I think she's persistent, vibrant or dramatic, and assertive. Once you change your thought process you can help your child better. Again, I'm not good at putting this all into words but the book is helpful and I like that they go with a positive thought process instead of negative. I haven't quite gotten to the what do you do when section...if there is one. So far I've just learned more about Maddy and learned new ways of thinking. So when she wants to help with something that she can't instead of just saying no I need to say, "Maddy you are such a great helper. You are also very persistent which is great! I would let you get the peanut butter, however, it's already out so can you help mommy by getting the jelly?" Now she probably would say no to that but I'm hoping the book goes on to tell you how to handle it when they still keep insisting they do whatever it is they want to do. I will share a few pages of the book.

I am already putting some ideas to use. Before all this happened I ran across something on pinterest that I love!

I felt like for Maddy a fish bowl would be too long in between rewards for it to be effective, so I am currently using a ziploc bag. I decided to use real coins because she knows what money is and you have to have money to buy fun things. Some days she's all about earning her coins, other days...not so much. I have started to use a timer now when we get home and tell her how many minutes she has before bed or bath time and let her see the timer going. The past two nights SHE has actually come to me to tell me she was ready for bed. I think it also helps that I started going back to our normal routine we've had ever since she was a baby. I had quit reading her a book every night...we would only read on the weekends due to my work schedule. I have since started our bed time routine a little earlier so we could read. I think she needs that time to wind down. She has never been one to stay up real late, but lately she had been staying up till 11 or 11:30 p.m. Since we've started our routine again she has only stayed up an hour later from when I leave. I am still learning and still am unsure how to handle her telling me no and her melt downs, but I have already seen SO much improvement. The goal is progress not perfection. If you have a "spirited" kid please know there is hope and there are solutions. I feel very thankful to have found this book and have already gained a better understanding of Maddy.