Weekend Grief

I've been struggling with talking about our weekend this time around. It seems as if the devil has just decided to unleash on my family and it started the beginning of last week. Some of you who read this may not feel anything that horrible happened. I can tell you that it may not sound bad, but it sure feels awful. Last week my grandfather went in for I think his 3rd hip replacement surgery. He was scared to death he would not make it through surgery so as he was waiting to go back he decided to apologize for all the things he did or didn't do. The good news is he came out just fine and had no complications after surgery. This was the smoothest one he has had. My mom was at the hospital nonstop. Maddy had a bout of behavior issues all last week. Everything I asked her to do or even told her to do was no or she would do the complete opposite. I felt like she just did not take me seriously at all and that really bothered me. She found out at the store that mommy meant business when I put her candy back. Monday was probably the easiest day of the week for me, but not for my mom. The worst thing that I can remember happening on Monday was when I picked Maddy up from school I noticed her arm was real red then I saw a big scratch on her arm that almost looked like a gash. I asked her what happened and she said it was from an egg.

On Tuesday she got so mad at me that she actually hit me. She hasn't hit me in a long time. I have no idea why she decided to hit me that day. Needless to say she got several time outs last week. I began to feel like maybe I was doing something wrong. I remembered a post I had read on another blog that talked about how she felt like all she did with her 3 year old was discipline her and tell her no. I finally realized that Maddy was just going through on of her phases and eventually she would work it out. I was in a big mess at work...oh wait..I'm always in a big mess at work lol. Wednesday my mom came over for a visit. That was a pretty good day as well. I believe on Thursday my mom told me that her dog Toaby (he was 16 years old and I still to this day remember going and getting him from the humane society) was not doing well at all. We all knew he was not going to be around much longer, but I didn't think it would hurt as bad as it did when the time came...especially since I wasn't living with him anymore...I was wrong. On Saturday I woke up and I just started thinking about Toaby and I felt real sad. I texted my mom this and this was her reply.

I was glad she told me, but at the same time part of me wished I hadn't known. I had to pray all the way up to her house that I wouldn't cry. When I walked through the door I instantly felt sadness and empty. My mom did a great job of putting on her happy face for Maddy. We played for a little bit then jumped in the car to go get ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better lol. Here is a cute pic of Maddy I took before we went to my mom's.

My mom and I were talking at Baskin Robbins and it got on the subject of Toaby and we both struggled to keep our composure so we decided it was a great time to leave. I've been without a vacuum and with Manny here I was in desperate need of one. I compared lots of vacuum's and decided to go with the Hoover pet vacuum. I love it because it's a purple-y color and it really has done a great job so far...but it's still new lol.

On Sunday we did our normal routine of going to church. Maddy loves church even though she struggles with the initial seperation. She told me before we left that she liked church but she might cry. I told her it was ok to cry sometimes when we are sad. She said, "Yeah." When we got to church she was so proud to be walking with us without holding my hand...I don't normally let her do that lol. We got our beeper and went to her room. She hesitated going in, but she did finally walk in on her own. I kept telling her it would be ok and mommy would be right back for her. I'm hoping to get her involved in Awana's and children's choir when they start back. I really think she will love it. Our pastor has been preaching on brokenness and this Sunday preached about when we are going through brokenness it's natural to ask why but instead of asking why to look for the possiblities that can come from it such as it draws us closer to God. My devotion has been right in line with what he has been preaching and it is at a much needed time.

There have been some real eye opening things that have happened to us since we started going to church again. I am choosing to keep those things private. I will ask for a silent prayer request for Maddy.  We went back up to my mom's for a little bit to help them move in their new couch and so they could help me get my vacuum cord unstuck lol. Maddy still calls my mom's house her house. She made it clear she wanted to go home. It was told to her that she was home and she said, "No! my nana's house" I think she is still struggling some with us moving. I don't blame her...my mom's house was the only home she's known. When it was time to leave my mom gave her some money to buy her a new movie. I wish I had taken some video of it because she held onto that money. She sat it down so she could eat her candy, but when we got to the store she was looking frantically for her money. I told her I was going to hold it until we got in the store. WHen we got in the store she made sure to keep her money. She was borderline not getting a movie because she wouldn't listen, but I was able to salvage her mood and get her movie. She has really gotten into the new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on tv. I was looking for a caillou one but she already had the only one they had. She picked an Elmo out and just as we were leaving I saw Mickey Mouse. I asked her which she wanted and she picked one out and still wanted Elmo...I couldn't tell her no so she got 2 movies.

We did have a good weekend, but there were some very sad moments. Toaby was such a great dog who had a big heart. When you were sick or sad he would come curl up right beside you to comfort you. He had so much life in him even in his old age. When we first got him we were convinced we had beethoven on our hands. He had such big paws and destroyed our house. Everything you saw on Marley and Me we experienced with Toaby and the sadness of them losing Marley is the same sadness we feel over losing Toaby. Our pets are family too and Toaby will be greatly missed. I'm going to post my favorite picture of him. This was taken in 2006.