Sunday, May 6, 2012

Leap Of Faith

It's kinda strange to me how I could go from super excited about moving out to super scared. I dreamed of this day for so long and thought of all the memories me and Maddy would create. Before I give the wrong impression I am still so very happy to have a place to create "home" for us, but as of this weekend I have had some major doubts as to whether or not I made the right decision. These doubts all came because once again my job is not going so well. I've had a lot of time to think this weekend and I came to the realization that what I'm feeling is my faith being tested. I should have known immediately because just the other day I saw a church sign that talked about our faith being tested. The picture my sister got me for my birthday was just perfect because I am clinging to that verse, "For I know the plans I have for you..." I've felt like the Lord was going to be making some changes in my life for a while now. One of those changes really happened...me and Maddy have our own place. It just makes me so happy to see her light up when she is in her new house. She still likes her Nana and Pops' house, but she also likes her house and honestly that just makes everything worth while. I still feel like there are more changes around the corner and I have an idea what, but no idea how it's all going to happen. They are both happy things, but it's the uncertainty of what will happen to get us there that freaks me out a bit. I know I'm not supposed to worry, especially when it's in the future. That is something I struggle greatly with....I worry about any and everything. I'm not so much a "what if" person but in some areas I can be. I know people get tired of hearing my stressors and I try to keep it to a minimum but this is kinda who I am for now. I do pray and I do feel at least some comforted knowing God has my back, but it's still a little scary not knowing what's going to happen and where will it leave you. I have a movie and a few songs that are constantly in my head. The song That's What Faith Can Do-Kutless, the movie Courageous, and the song/movie The Voice Of Truth &Facing the Giants. The first song is because I know I am being tested and that song is a great reminder of what faith can do. I know with God all things are possible and I'm so thankful to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...I have know idea what I would do without Him. The movie Courageous, but not because of the message, although I do try to be THAT parent, but because I feel I have to stand up and be brave and just trust God to handle everything. The last one because once again I feel like I have giants looking down on me saying I can't do this or that. Once again I will stand up and do my absolute best and leave the rest up to God. I will trust and follow Him. This move has been an eye opener as far as making sure the Lord is behind your decision. This move feels so completely different and I wouldn't want to do anything different. I love knowing that the Lord is behind me in this move and if He gave us this place, He's going to give me the resources I need. I hope everybody had a wonderful weekend. Me and Maddy were able to play outside this weekend and had a great time playing with her car and baby.

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