Nightmares & Fits

I am pretty sure Maddy is having chronic nightmares. They happen almost every night and for a while it was around the same time...12:50-ish a.m. Last night it was 4 a.m. and she just sits in bed screaming until I can get to her and her whole body is just shaking like a leaf. I really do feel so bad for her. I end up just sleeping in her bed with her when they happen because I want her to know she is safe and I am just right there. The only problem is she tends to wake up a lot earlier than normal. She wakes up around 6:30-ish. I've noticed when she has these episodes, her whole mood that day is not so good. This morning she was off and on her bed playing while I slept some more. If she was getting into mischief I would tell her to come back to her bed that it was still night night time. She would get so mad at me that she hit me pretty hard on my back. She hit hard enough for it to sting afterwards. I didn't give her any reaction because that is what she is after...the more I react the more she hits. She hit me one other time and on that one I decided to very firmly tell her she does not hit mommy. Luckily she just fell to the ground and pouted because normally she just keeps on hitting. She gets in a really good mood as we are getting ready for the day. I got her breakfast and then I went to get ready. Well, her nana walked in the kitchen and I knew I was in for some more fits...boy was I ever right. Once her nana left for the day Maddy instantly went into a fit. There was no calming her down or reasoning with her...she was just mad. Times like those it is just best for me to just do instead of telling her what I am going to do and what is going to happen. I took her tray off her highchair and that made her mad. I proceeded to pick her up and she screamed she wanted down. So I put her down and she fell to the ground and pouted/cried. Times like those I give her an option...she can either get up on her own and continue walking or if by the time I get to three she is still just pitching a fit, I will just pick her up. This morning she decided to lay in the floor and pitch a fit. I picked her up and here she goes again just kicking, flailing her arms, and crying. She kept saying she wanted to walk. I did let her try one more time but again she went to the floor. I then proceeded to carry her to the car to get her buckled in and the whole time she's screaming, "OW, YOU'RE HURTING ME!!!!" Before I go on, I want to point out that when I carry her, I put my arm between her legs so it's kinda like she is sitting on my arm. That is the only way you can carry her when she is pitching a fit, that allows you to hold on to her without hurting her and without her escaping. Once she is in her carseat she is going every which way so I couldn't get her buckled. I would simply sit her back down and over into her seat and this made her so angry that she just went off and hit me in the face with everything she had. She also would grab my face and just squeeze it as hard as she could...this little girl is strong and it really did hurt. Everytime she would go to hit me I tried my best to catch her hands and put them back down and tell her she did NOT hit mommy. She was so angry that she was just not thinking at all and just doing what she felt. I was able to finally get her buckled in. Her fits are really getting out of control. She doesn't have these kind of fits all the time, but they are starting to happen more and more frequently. She screamed a couple of times as loud as she could and after that she just sat quietly looking around. I told her a little ways into the ride that I she was doing a good job of riding in the car nicely and from that moment on she was ok and would point things out that she saw. When we were almost to her school I had to fight back tears because it took me that long to relax from the events of that had taken place. I've got my hands full with her temper that is for sure...and to think these are supposed to be the easier years. Somehow I have to help her work through her emotions and help her learn it's ok to be mad, but not ok to act out and hit. How do you teach that to a two year old? Just this weekend I remembered a daily calender my mom got me for Christmas...The Power of a Praying Parent. I felt lead to start praying for Maddy and using the daily calender as a tool. Once I was able to read it I felt like God had been trying to get me to pray for Maddy for a while because it just all came together in my head. I know when this year started out I said I was going to focus on Maddy this year and pray for her and all that, but I hadn't been 100% faithful in really praying for her. Don't get me wrong...I have prayed off and on for her, but not like I should. Here is what today's said, "Remember, your battle is not with your son or daughter. 'For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places' (Ephesians 6:12). Your battle is with the Enemy. The good news is that Jesus has given you authority 'over all the power of the enemy' (Luke 10:19). Don't be afraid to take advantage of that." This weekend the topics were about obedience to your parents and to pray that she will have an obedient heart. It's all just coincided with real life and I just really felt like God was like FINALLY...you got it!!! I will definately be praying more where Maddy is concerned. I'm also going to pray that God would help me be the best mom I can be because often times I just feel like I'm not doing a very good job. If it's just me, then I know I'm doing my absolute best where she is concerned and I can say I'm a good mom, but when you add other people/the world in my confidence can get shot down...and there are specific reasons why that is so, but I don't know how to shake them because I know they are false. Well, I believe I am starting to ramble now...I'm really good at that lol. I will end by saying that I truly feel God is growing me as a mom and keeping me in check with praying for Maddy on a more consistent basis. I am going to check out an online seminar from Moms On Call because I believe they had one concerning fits and I'm interested to see what they suggest because I've liked their suggestions and ideas I've seen so far. One of the blogs I read uses them and I was real impressed. I know this will end...eventually...but I must admit I'm very nervous over her teenage years because what I am going through now is pretty rough lol. I forgot to post her Happy Easter video and I have some miscellaneous pics of her that don't have a home yet. Sorry for the lengthy rambling, but I wanted to document today so when she gets older I can show her how she acted as a toddler haha.

I want to add that Maddy really is a sweetheart...we just have to work through these emotions and it is no easy task, but with God's help we will survive :)