Moving Phase 1

Like I thought I didn't get to grab a lot of pictures of us clearing out storage. When I saw just how much stuff I had to go through I instantly became overwhelmed. It's not the easiest thing in the world trying to go through stuff with a toddler on your hands either. My step dad took Maddy for me for a little while so we could go through boxes and clear out so he could get to the big items, then later on my mom took her on a walk. When I found out I was moving I panicked thinking I didn't have anything because at my mom's house I don't...I just have Maddy's toys and bathroom stuff. I guess when you don't use your stuff for three, almost four years, it's pretty easy to remember what you do have. I have a lot more cookware than I thought...I found I had multiple sets of pyrex dishes that includes three 3 qt. glass pans, several different size bowls to mix and other baking needs, a pie dish and two casserole dishes. I only found one skillet so far, but I know I have at least one other one. My sister got me some fun things too. She had curtains that she wasn't using that she is letting me use for the living room and Maddy's room. She bought me a picture for a belated birthday present that has my favorite bible verse on it...Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord...

She also bought me a flameless candle that has my last name initial and the saying, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." She got me a pop up tote that says the same thing and is pretty nifty.

The last thing she got me was a kitchen utensil caddy with your basic utensils. Oh! She also got me a cookie sheet that came with some cookie cutters that were really cute and me and Maddy are going to have a ball making cookies together. I just need to get me a rolling pin ;) My mom is the queen of couponing and my sister seems to be the queen of clearance items because everything she did buy she got on clearance for a really good price.
I had a plan for what I wanted to do at the storage place, which was go through all the boxes and throw out what I didn't want. We started out that way, but after the first load we just put the boxes back and didn't think about whether it was going or staying. To prevent double work I just said forget that method when we started in on the second load. One thing that has really stuck in my head is an article I read from the Duggar family. One advice they gave is to not go into things with expectations. For example don't expect to always have a clean house (this was from Michelle because they have so many kids) or the kids to be a certain way. I've found that a lot of my disappointments in life come from having an expectation of what I thought should or would happen. Moving stuff out of storage I had an expectation of being super organized and throwing away a bunch of stuff...none of that happened and I found myself getting disappointed and almost like I had failed. Anyways, We didn't get all the storage cleared out, but it will only take one more truck load before it's all done. The first trip to my house a yard service man asked if we wanted his help because the only man there was my step dad...it was my step dad, three ladies, two bigger kids, and two small kids. The yard service man helped get my couch and dresser in and then my step dad paid him to mow my back yard. Let me tell ya, that yard service man is an extremely hard worker. He only charges $20 and you get your money's worth. He mowed not just the back yard, but also the front yard (which isn't really much). He has a riding mower and a push mower so he did the riding mower for as much as he could, then got his push mower to finish up, then he got his weed eater and weed eated(sp?) all around the house plus the mailbox. Then he saw my mom and step dad trying to turn on my water at the meter thing and he offered to help because he had something that would help turn the knob because apparently it was really hard to turn. I know it doesn't sound like much but he really worked his behind off for $20 and was super nice. In my back yard there is a lot of garbage that looks like people just dumped back there and then animals got in it. My step dad told the man about it, so he went next door because I have a cop living next to me (can we say thank goodness?!?!) to tell him what he found out about the garbage. So to try to sum up the day, we made two trips to storage and only have one more. My house is becoming full of junk and I am really worried about how much stuff I already have over there because I have a LOT of stuff here at my mom's house. If the the stuff I had from storage were all useful things for the house I'd be fine, but it's all the little odds and ends I've collected over the years plus some of my work from when I worked at a school. I really have no idea where all this stuff is going to go. I really want to be really organized and not clutter up the house, but for a while I'm afraid we will be a little cluttered until I can figure out where I can put things haha. I have my washer and dryer in the laundry room, but they need to be hooked up. The only other big things I have left are mine and Maddy's bed and my night stand. I did grab a couple of pictures while we were transporting.

Maddy went all day with no nap! She did exceptionally well though. She was so excited to play with Abby and Sara (my nieces) and to show off her new house. She is a lot more interested in potty training at her new house. When we went last week she wanted to use the potty and she did try. I can't even get her to try at my mom's house...very rarely will she even try. Saturday my oldest niece came to me and said Maddy had gone to the potty. I was like REALLY?!?! I think my niece was proud that she helped Maddy because she just had the biggest grin on her face. I went into the bathroom and sure enough maddy was on the potty and I made a big deal over her going. I am hoping once we get moved in she will just really take off in the potty training area.
We didn't leave my house until 7:18 p.m. and we were all ready to crash.

Pre Move-In Weekend

It's been pretty crazy around here since finding out me and Maddy have our own home. I have spent a good amount of time on the phone talking with family and setting up my power. It's been fun discussing things I need, things I want, and trying to figure out where things are going to go. Tomorrow, after I get done with work, we are going to head to the storage unit where my things have been kept for the past three years and move that stuff in. I have a bunch of junk to go through, so that will probably take most of the day. I am also going to look for Maddy a dresser because she does not have one...we have been using my mom's that was already in Maddy's room. I thought I would need a lot of things (I think because I feel like this is my first move), but in reality I have most of the basic things minus a couple of things. This move is definitely different from any other move I have done in the past. I feel like this is just the beginning for me, but I could be completely wrong. I love knowing that the Lord had a hand in all of this. I can't tell you the number of nights me and Maddy prayed together asking God to give us our own home. My mom has prayed for us as well because she understands my wanting a home for me and Maddy. This move just feels right and I am very happy about that. My emotions have been all over the place because in one sense I'm so happy to be able to have a home for Maddy and me, but on the other hand it's kinda sad leaving this home. It's definitely bittersweet, but it's also just so exciting. I have been working with Maddy this week to try to get her ready for when we do move. My official move date will be May 5. I've been asking Maddy if she is ready to go to Nana and Pops' house throughout the week and talk about Maddy's new house and show her pictures of it to help her understand a little better. Monday-Wednesday every day she said, "I'nna go Nana Pops house." Thursday we had plans of going to our new house so I didn't give her a chance to say she wanted to go to Nana and Pops house. I told her we were gonna see Nana at Maddy's new house. I could tell she was trying to process what I told her. When we got to the new house she was so ready to get out of her seat and see her Nana. We spent time trying to assess what I would need and where we would put things and Maddy just had a ball playing. She was literally bouncing off the walls...that's how happy she was. Her whole demeanor changed and it was just such a good feeling to see her so happy with her new house. We played some hide and seek in her closet. She asked me several times to go potty...that was a big deal because at her house now she HATES going potty on the potty. She ran around and turned flips and we did ring around the rosie.I need to try to video her singing that song because it is so cute the accents she puts on it. My mom asked her if the house made her happy or scared and Maddy said it made her happy. When it was time to leave the new house Maddy refused...we had to find a distraction to make her okay with leaving. When I picked her up from school today the first thing she said when we got to the car is, "I'nna go Maddy's new house." I know she doesn't fully understand that Nana and Pops will not always be with her now and when she realizes that, we are going to have some tears shed I'm sure. I'm just happy for now that she is happy with her new house...makes my heart happy. I hope to snap some pictures tomorrow of the move, phase 1 but I have a feeling I won't take hardly any. My sister is meeting up with us to help us load up and unpack at the new house. I do hate moving...the packing and unpacking...but it can be a lot more fun when you get the girls of the family together for some chit chat as we unpack and clean. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and hope we can get a lot accomplished...I don't really want to have to move a whole lot of stuff next weekend because it's Mother's day weekend. I plan on posting tomorrow, but in case I am too tired I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Dinnerware

Before I get things going I just wanted to say that I survived my meeting today haha. My one on one with my manager got changed until next week so that only left me with one meeting. I expected to leave that meeting totally stressed to the point of tears, but luckily I didn't stress out THAT much. I'm so glad I have this house distraction because it is helping me reduce stress. I don't mean to write so much about my new place, but in case you couldn't tell I am really excited! Today I went back and tweaked my registry(ies) and added some new items. I decided not to put any plates and things like that on my registry because I have a specific store I want to go to. Pretty much my whole family has a dish pattern from Pfaltzgraff. I wanted to pick me out a pattern and start collecting. I'm very fortunate because my great-grandmother gave me a set of dishes when I was 18 or 19. They have survived all these years, but haven't been used much. I really want to make those like my china because they are so valuable to me. The dishes she gave me are the same ones she used and they just make me think of her. I was very close to her and miss her dearly. I often wonder what she would think of Maddy and what she would think of me as a mom. I know she would have absolutely LOVED Maddy! Ok, back on track here...I don't consider myself normal when it comes to house decor. I like the fun girly things instead of the neutral adult things. I'm almost sad to admit that because I am 29, but I like what I like and I want to have some fun. I knew I wanted square plates. There's something that's so neat about a square plate. I also knew I wanted it to be colorful and fun but still look classy I guess is the word I am looking for. Honestly, if I could design my own dishes they would have hearts on there somewhere lol. I found something I could live with. I almost like the round plate sets better in the pattern I chose, but I'm a square plate kinda girl. The name of the pattern is called Patio Garden. I am going to copy a picture from the website to show you.

This best represents me and I am ready to start buying. I attempted to look around for silverware, but honestly that is something I need to do in the store because online they look the same. Sometimes some feel better than others and sometimes the detailing is so small you can't see it very well online, but in the store it pops. By the time I'm done I will have done enough registering it would make up for a housewarming and wedding shower times ten! Maybe I should become a professional register. I hear lots of people saying they hate registering and I honestly think it is fun, unless it runs over an hour and a half haha. 

Registering Ramblings

Today started out as any ordinary day. I was wishing it was the weekend and thinking about my new place. Low and behold a friend sent a great idea of registering at bed, bath, and beyond! I don't have a real need to register because this isn't my first time moving out...it's actually my second. The first time I moved out my family threw me a surprise housewarming party and it was DEF a surprise lol. With this being my second move you would think I would be set...WRONG!!  I do still have some things from my previous move out, but some stuff got ruined at my old house. I love registering for any thing. I'm a list person all the way and I have created wish lists since I was in high school...why not create one for my house?? I spent a good portion of the afternoon/evening finishing up my wish list but it's pretty much done. I decided it would be great for future birthdays.

Tomorrow at work is going to be a nightmare! My manager is extremely unhappy with my team because of this month's performance. I'd be willing to bet she got in trouble by her boss, which in turn caused us to get in trouble by her. My day starts out with a one on one meeting with her to discuss my March performance. The afternoon consists of a team meeting and she warned us on Monday that she would go into further detail over her frustrations with us in our next team meeting. My day tomorrow is going to consist of one back lash after another so I will need to find ways to de-stress and fast, otherwise I will not get through the day. I struggle greatly with worry over my job as you all should know by now through all my "I'm going to get fired" posts I've posted. I feel even more stress/worry about my job because I am now locked into a lease and I have no other options if I get fired. I am def praying up tonight and I'm hoping tomorrow will not be as bad as me and the rest of my team thinks it is going to be.

I've been talking to Maddy this week about how mommy and Maddy have a new home and Nana and Pops will be staying here at their house. She shakes her head yes, but she does not fully understand what I am saying or what I mean. When I pick her up from daycare I ask if she is ready to go to Nana and Pops' house and she says yes. I drove by our new house Monday and asked her if she remembered our new house. Of coarse she said yes but whether she really does or not is a different story. I am going to move some stuff in on Saturday, but I still am not 100% sure when I will be fully moved in. I get so excited over creating a home for me and Maddy and decorating our new place and all that good stuff. It's like I'm living in a partial dream.

Vacation is right around the corner and I am so ready!!! Maddy keeps telling me she's ready to go the beach and play in the sand box and there will be water there and how it's gonna be fu-un. I love to hear her talk.

This wouldn't be a good post without pictures...let me find some that I haven't posted yet hehe:

New Home

I have some very exciting news to share/document!!! I found out today that me and Maddy are the proud tenants of a 2 bedroom duplex in the area I had been praying for. I am still in shock just to be honest with you. Here's how it all started. First of all, I have been wanting to get my own place for a while now. I started thinking about trying in December of 2011 but as soon as I said it I heard God say, "WAIT!" That really scared me because I just knew it was because I was going to get fired. I did wait, but within the past few weeks or so I started checking out what was available just to see. I have prayed God would help me and Maddy get our own place for a while and I had specific qualifications I needed/wanted to have. Thursday night my mom came home just as she would any other day. Right before I put Maddy to bed she told me she found a duplex. I didn't even let her finish and immediately was like, "WHERE?!?!" She told me and I about died because I knew it was exactly what I had prayed for. She had called them before she got home to find out what the rent was and if they allowed pets. It was within my budget (even though it's on the higher end of my range), but they didn't really want to let an animal in the house. Talk about not being able to sleep that night...I stayed up all night with the biggest grin on my face, but I was so scared I wouldn't be able to get it. I looked it at Friday morning after I dropped Maddy off at daycare and got a little worried because when I first saw it I was excited, but it definitely needs some updates. I wasn't 100% sold until we took a look out back and saw this nice yard with a decent view and I just envisioned Maddy running around out there while I sit in my chair on the little patio. I asked the landlord again about pets and he told me no twice, but luckily my mom was with me and had her realtor shirt on because she stepped in and talked to him some and explained that I was single and my dog was my security basically. When she said I was single he asked me and then asked if I had any children and I said yes, one child. He then agreed to let me have Manny in there if I could get the pet deposit. I filled out the application and he called me today to tell me I could have it if I wanted it. When I went to sign the lease he told me I would be surprised at how many calls he has already received on it. There was a girl that called today telling him she went to school with his son and he told her to call back tomorrow because he was waiting on me. I truly feel this place is the home God had in mind for me and Maddy. I've been out on my own in two different places and never have I felt God involved in where I live, but this time is so different. It's the location I wanted, it's in the school zone I wanted for Maddy, it's a house with a yard that Maddy can run in and ride her car, it's 2 BR, they allowed Manny to come, it's a decent size. The most amazing thing to me apart from the fact that it's in the school zone I wanted AND I said I wanted to have my own place before or by the time I turn 30 and Maddy turns 3, is the fact that these duplexes I've tried to rent before but they NEVER are available. The fact that my mom saw this when she did is just amazing because it would have been gone just as soon as it went up pretty much. I have the keys in my hand and can move in now, but I have to wait to get everything set up before I can officially move over. We took Maddy over to see it today and I had to snap some pictures. My mom and step dad took video, but Maddy erased my step dad's video and my mom's phone is messed up so I'm pretty much down to just pictures. It was an emotional moment for me walking Maddy up the steps and into "our" house. She went straight to her bedroom, which really surprised me. I didn't say a word she just walked. When we got to her room I told her this is your new room and she loves it because the windows are just her size. She just kept walking around and going back to the windows and looked outside. Once she had seen and explored inside, I showed her outside and she just was so happy. We ran around outside for a while and the biggest challenge is going to be to teach her to stay in our yard because she's not used to having to share a yard. I am so thankful God provided us this place and I have thanked Him a million times today.

Nightmares & Fits

I am pretty sure Maddy is having chronic nightmares. They happen almost every night and for a while it was around the same time...12:50-ish a.m. Last night it was 4 a.m. and she just sits in bed screaming until I can get to her and her whole body is just shaking like a leaf. I really do feel so bad for her. I end up just sleeping in her bed with her when they happen because I want her to know she is safe and I am just right there. The only problem is she tends to wake up a lot earlier than normal. She wakes up around 6:30-ish. I've noticed when she has these episodes, her whole mood that day is not so good. This morning she was off and on her bed playing while I slept some more. If she was getting into mischief I would tell her to come back to her bed that it was still night night time. She would get so mad at me that she hit me pretty hard on my back. She hit hard enough for it to sting afterwards. I didn't give her any reaction because that is what she is after...the more I react the more she hits. She hit me one other time and on that one I decided to very firmly tell her she does not hit mommy. Luckily she just fell to the ground and pouted because normally she just keeps on hitting. She gets in a really good mood as we are getting ready for the day. I got her breakfast and then I went to get ready. Well, her nana walked in the kitchen and I knew I was in for some more fits...boy was I ever right. Once her nana left for the day Maddy instantly went into a fit. There was no calming her down or reasoning with her...she was just mad. Times like those it is just best for me to just do instead of telling her what I am going to do and what is going to happen. I took her tray off her highchair and that made her mad. I proceeded to pick her up and she screamed she wanted down. So I put her down and she fell to the ground and pouted/cried. Times like those I give her an option...she can either get up on her own and continue walking or if by the time I get to three she is still just pitching a fit, I will just pick her up. This morning she decided to lay in the floor and pitch a fit. I picked her up and here she goes again just kicking, flailing her arms, and crying. She kept saying she wanted to walk. I did let her try one more time but again she went to the floor. I then proceeded to carry her to the car to get her buckled in and the whole time she's screaming, "OW, YOU'RE HURTING ME!!!!" Before I go on, I want to point out that when I carry her, I put my arm between her legs so it's kinda like she is sitting on my arm. That is the only way you can carry her when she is pitching a fit, that allows you to hold on to her without hurting her and without her escaping. Once she is in her carseat she is going every which way so I couldn't get her buckled. I would simply sit her back down and over into her seat and this made her so angry that she just went off and hit me in the face with everything she had. She also would grab my face and just squeeze it as hard as she could...this little girl is strong and it really did hurt. Everytime she would go to hit me I tried my best to catch her hands and put them back down and tell her she did NOT hit mommy. She was so angry that she was just not thinking at all and just doing what she felt. I was able to finally get her buckled in. Her fits are really getting out of control. She doesn't have these kind of fits all the time, but they are starting to happen more and more frequently. She screamed a couple of times as loud as she could and after that she just sat quietly looking around. I told her a little ways into the ride that I she was doing a good job of riding in the car nicely and from that moment on she was ok and would point things out that she saw. When we were almost to her school I had to fight back tears because it took me that long to relax from the events of that had taken place. I've got my hands full with her temper that is for sure...and to think these are supposed to be the easier years. Somehow I have to help her work through her emotions and help her learn it's ok to be mad, but not ok to act out and hit. How do you teach that to a two year old? Just this weekend I remembered a daily calender my mom got me for Christmas...The Power of a Praying Parent. I felt lead to start praying for Maddy and using the daily calender as a tool. Once I was able to read it I felt like God had been trying to get me to pray for Maddy for a while because it just all came together in my head. I know when this year started out I said I was going to focus on Maddy this year and pray for her and all that, but I hadn't been 100% faithful in really praying for her. Don't get me wrong...I have prayed off and on for her, but not like I should. Here is what today's said, "Remember, your battle is not with your son or daughter. 'For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places' (Ephesians 6:12). Your battle is with the Enemy. The good news is that Jesus has given you authority 'over all the power of the enemy' (Luke 10:19). Don't be afraid to take advantage of that." This weekend the topics were about obedience to your parents and to pray that she will have an obedient heart. It's all just coincided with real life and I just really felt like God was like FINALLY...you got it!!! I will definately be praying more where Maddy is concerned. I'm also going to pray that God would help me be the best mom I can be because often times I just feel like I'm not doing a very good job. If it's just me, then I know I'm doing my absolute best where she is concerned and I can say I'm a good mom, but when you add other people/the world in my confidence can get shot down...and there are specific reasons why that is so, but I don't know how to shake them because I know they are false. Well, I believe I am starting to ramble now...I'm really good at that lol. I will end by saying that I truly feel God is growing me as a mom and keeping me in check with praying for Maddy on a more consistent basis. I am going to check out an online seminar from Moms On Call because I believe they had one concerning fits and I'm interested to see what they suggest because I've liked their suggestions and ideas I've seen so far. One of the blogs I read uses them and I was real impressed. I know this will end...eventually...but I must admit I'm very nervous over her teenage years because what I am going through now is pretty rough lol. I forgot to post her Happy Easter video and I have some miscellaneous pics of her that don't have a home yet. Sorry for the lengthy rambling, but I wanted to document today so when she gets older I can show her how she acted as a toddler haha.

I want to add that Maddy really is a sweetheart...we just have to work through these emotions and it is no easy task, but with God's help we will survive :)

Saturday Ramblings

I've noticed a lot of people in the blog world love to do a midweek or wednesday random post every week. I find Saturday is the day I tend to be sporadic in what I have to say. I doubt I will make this an every week thing, but I have lots of miscellaneous pics and videos to share that need a home and this post is going to be just that.

Today has been a rough day with Maddy. I have no idea what happened today but I know I don't care to have another day like this ever!! It wasn't an all day bad day kinda thing, but her melt downs today were just horrific feeling and I was not at all prepared for them. She woke up in the middle of the night doing her screaming thing. I went in to comfort her and I was so tired I couldn't force myself to go back to my bed, so I just slept the rest of the night in her room. She woke up pretty early because it wasn't even light outside. She kept getting off and on her bed and I noticed her door wasn't shut all the way. I closed my eyes and just prayed she wouldn't leave her room, but that prayer was not answered lol. I checked the time and it was only 7 a.m. which means she had us up at least by 6:30 a.m. I'm really hoping that is what caused her emotions today. Her fits started in the car because she was so tired...she finally got her nap in around 1:30-2:00-ish. When she woke up we only had one store to go in to and that was McKay's to get her movies for Florida and just to enjoy at home. She started out so sweet and wanted me to carry her. I got a pushing basket and she immediately wanted down to push. She pushed the basket very nicely at first and we put in movies. I had to calculate the total so I would know if i had to stop or if could keep adding and that caused her to get mad/upset and did a mini fit right there in the floor. Then came time to pay and she wanted to go upstairs and oh my goodness...you woulda thought I was just absolutely torturing her. She laid in the middle of the floor...I mean so much in the middle that we were right in everybody's path when they walked through the door. She's screaming, "NO!' and crying and then saying, 'OWWW THAT HURTS" and scooting herself around on the floor. Yes, my child has some how learned that if we are in public all she has to do is say ow that hurts. I had so many people just stare at us I was just super embarrassed. I honestly wanted to just crawl out of the store. I finally was able to scoop her up and she was just flailing her legs and arms and crying and screaming and oh yes the stares continued. It wouldn't surprise me if someone tried calling the police or child services because it looked bad lol. I was able to finally coax her into her car seat and after that whole ordeal I just wanted a mello yello and a bed. We got home and everything was all good. We all went out tonight to Sweet Frog (I am so in love with that place). She did so good in the store and listened and then there was the walking to the car part. She got mad because she wanted to walk down to a different store so she literally just sat down in the middle of the road on a speed bump. This mommy was panicking because she's hard to just "pick up" in the middle of her fits...I have to get her a certain way to be able to lift her without hurting her. We finally got her up and then there was the getting into the car seat scene. I don't know how long it took but I seriously think it was at LEAST 30 minutes. She was so angry and nothing would work. I had her dvd player and she just didn't care. When she is in that kind of mood nothing works...you just have to do. When she finally got buckled she thought she would still get her movie and she was crushed when I said no and then she cried, "I listen!!" My favorite part of the day was when I was putting her in bed. Not because I was getting to chill out a minute, but because she just gave me some sweet lovin. She hugged me with everything she had then she would kiss my cheek then she would hug me and pat my back then give me another kiss and honestly it just melted my heart. I made sure she knew that no matter what mommy will always love her. When I told her that she just gave me another kiss and it was just super sweet. That is my long story of this post...now on to the randomness

I think it's so neat how she mimicks my actions and what I do. I always say, "Hey buddy" when I talk to Manny and pet him and she has started doing the same. It's so cute when she does it on her own, but this gives you an idea of the cuteness :)

Maddy's first time trying ribs. She didn't quite know what to think and didn't really like getting all messy. I have a video but am having problems getting my videos to publish to youtube so I will have to add later.

I will stop here and save the rest for other posts. I hope you all are enjoying the weekend :)

Believe

Ok I'm really not always an emotional mess lol. I did something today that I knew I should never have done today due to the consequences. I watched the movie Free Willy. I can remember watching that movie in the theater. I was just a kid and I was fighting with everything within me to not cry. I was able to keep from sobbing, but tears just streamed down my face and of coarse my sister pointed and laughed at me...I was definitely embarrassed, but that movie really touched me. I actually LOVE animals...not all of them...but most lol. Free Willy made me curious about killer whales and I ended up doing a little research on them and instantly knew I wanted to be an activist for them. That movie made me change my mind on what I wanted my career in life to be. The first thing I wanted to be was a teacher, but after Free Willy I wanted to be a marine biologist. Somewhere along the way I grew up and I ended up wanting to be a dietitian. After watching Free Willy today I became curious as to how they made the movie because I noticed this time around there is a scene where Jesse is riding Willy for the first time in the pool and he is soaked one minute then the next minute he is completely dry but still riding Willy. Youtube always has the answers so I went on a hunt. On this hunt I came across a video called Behind the Scenes of Believe. I loved the video and how much those trainers really seem to care about the animals and it just made me want to go to Seaworld. I have had the privilege of going there once in my life and it was so much fun. I don't remember a whole lot about it, but the one thing I do remember is the Shamu show and getting soaked and then hearing the workers yell, "ICCCCCE-cream...GET YOUR SHAMU IIIIIIIce-cream" I found the video I shared in this post...well, it was a different one but the tricks in this one are better lol...and I just felt inspired to live my dreams. I seriously just sat in my chair and cried like a baby...it was almost like I was having a worship experience. As I watched the show I kept thinking about how amazing it is the God created these animals and how we now have the opportunity to work with these animals. I don't like that these whales and other animals are held in captivity just so us humans can see and enjoy and learn about them, but you have to admit that seeing a Shamu show is just amazing. I thought about what it would be like to share that experience with Maddy for the first time and knowing I have two Florida trips coming up, thought about taking her down there this year if for nothing else but to see Shamu. That idea kinda left when I found out that tickets to seaworld are $80 for adults and $67 for kids. I thought that was kinda ridiculous because for about $130-$150 I can go swim with a dolphin and eat lunch lol. I can't say I haven't completely ruled out the idea, but I am more than likely going to save Seaworld for next year. Anyways, I have dreams...everybody has dreams. The problem is we give up on what we want to achieve. We're told that our dream is impossible and give in to that kind of thinking. I have dreams that are probably unrealistic and then I have dreams that are very realistic/achievable if I could just come in contact with the right person. It's made me think about Maddy and the dreams she will have one day. I want to be that mom that encourages her to go after her dreams no matter how big or small. I want to be that mom that figures out a way to help her achieve her dreams. I also recently watched the documentary Being Elmo and Kevin's mom didn't tell him his dream was silly or not achievable, she encouraged him and let him be who he was. She couldn't get him in touch with the right people or give him lots of money to go see the people he needed, but she did everything she could even if that was just to keep him encouraged and let him do his thing. The one dream I have right now that is very achievable is owning and operating my own daycare and being a stay at home mom. I know those kind of contradict each other, but they actually go together. I want the experience of being involved in daycare world and I want to get it to where I can fully trust my staff so I can come and go as needed. Even as a stay at home mom I would want Maddy to go to daycare for the socializing aspect and the learning aspect. The good thing is if I had my own daycare I would know for sure that she is 100% taken care of and being treated ok. Over time I have slowly started giving up on this dream. I don't know how to begin this process because I need roughly $500,000 to get up and running and that includes the building...I think lol. I've looked into franchise's but you have to have the collateral or something just on the in case and I'm not rich by any means. I feel inspired to start trying again after watching this video and I know this post probably makes no sense to you all because this is just something that touched me and what touches me may not touch you and that's ok. Bottom line is if you have something you want to achieve...no matter how big or small...you can do it. I believe in praying about it and understanding that just because you want it doesn't mean it's what God wants, but I also believe in trying until God says no more. I was so excited about Seaworld that I showed Maddy the video on my computer and she actually watched all but the last two minutes, which for her is amazing. Seeing how interested she was here at home, I know seeing it in real life will just be amazing for her...and yes this mommy WILL cry lol. She kept saying, "That look fuu-uun." She would ask what happened when the trainers would dive in the water or the whale threw them up. Then she said she wanted to pet a whale at home lol. Seaworld and Disneyworld are truly magical places that just melt your heart and being able to share that with my daughter...words can't even describe the emotions I feel haha. All you have to do is...BELIEVE

Good Friday/Saturday

For Good Friday me and Maddy mostly stayed home and played. I had every intention of getting my leggings, shoes, and dvd player for her but didn't quite make it. When I was finally ready to leave I couldn't because I was blocked in the driveway and my mom was in the shower. It was approximately 11:30, so I decided to try to get Maddy to take a nap. It took a little coaxing but after an hour or so she finally did lol. Used to for nap time she would lay down with me if I laid in her bed and maybe take a few minutes before just going to sleep. Now-a-days that doesn't work and you can spend an hour or two just trying to get her to be still long enough to fall asleep. You have to catch her at just the right time and when you find that time I can normally rub her belly or her back and she's out like a light. When we woke up it was 2:03 p.m. I was shocked! We loaded up and hit the stores. I was able to get my leggings but no luck on the shoes. By the time I was ready to pay, Maddy was starting to melt down. We ran into Target to get her some food and then all was right with the world. We headed over to Payless and then went home to finish playing. I found out Friday night that apparently my tv had quit working throughout the week sometime. I hadn't watched tv in two days and was perfectly ok with that but when I knew I COULDN'T watch tv I felt so bored lol. I stayed up a lot later (try 2:00 a.m.) without a tv than I normally do WITH a tv. I so paid for that too because getting through Saturday was kinda rough. I browsed best buy to look at tv options, but they didn't have anything within my price range that was decent. I moved on to the portable dvd players. I had a friend scope them out for me earlier in the week, but once I got to the store I decided I really wanted a Sony brand lol. I almost walked away after skimming them, but there was one that just made me say, "I have to have." It didn't have a price so I was nervous over that...I mean you can buy some portable ones for $250...that was a blu-ray, but since this is primarily for Maddy...a blu-ray is NOT a must have lol. The price was very decent and had all the qualifications I needed AND it was a sony. I went with a Sony DVP-FX970 in case you wondered. I needed one that would swivel and fold down like a tablet so Maddy would be less tempted to take her movies out while on the road. Taking a 7 hour trip to Florida is hard enough with a toddler, I didn't need to add the meltdowns of her movie not playing because she took it out lol. I wanted a battery that would last aroudn 6-7 hours, one that comes with a car charger, and I was really wanting the 9". This player has all! It has a hold button so she can't mash buttons...the picture is good (not blu-ray quality but very decent) and the sound is plenty loud enough while on the road and you can make it have surround sound. I played with it the other night and it sounded pretty good for a portable. Oh, the casing is textured to help minimize finger prints and it's lightweight so it doesn't hurt her legs. I've only used it a couple of times with her because I don't want it being a babysitter in the car permanently...I love talking to her in the car. It does have her finger prints on the screen because she is a very technological little girl and explores it all. I want to look into getting a carrying case for it as well as some cleaner to keep the screen clean, but the casing has none that I notice and it handles VERY well in the car. She is in love with it and bless her heart the day we got it she tried to contain her smile but it was written all over her face how happy and proud she was to have it. It truly made my day to see her THAT happy over a dvd player. Here she is enjoying it on the first day.

An Off Day on my Off Day?!

Before I begin this post I just have to write about my excitement for one of my good friends. I found out right before Christmas that she was pregnant with her second baby. Her first baby is just 3 months older than Maddy. I was excited for her but I must admit I have been struggling greatly with baby fever ever since Maddy hit 10 months. There have been moments that I have sat and cried as I saw my facebook wall get littered with "I'm pregnant." It seemed as if my "baby fever" had calmed down and then I heard from her that she was expecting, so I had to try to keep it in check lol. We met up a couple of months ago and she told me she had some news to share. In my head I was thinking, but you already told me you were pregnant lol. She has this huge grin on her face as she's pulling out the ultrasound picture. Before I even have it in my hands I notice what the big deal is all about. My mouth dropped and I said, "THERE'S TWO BABIES?!?!" She just laughed and said surprise haha. Once I had the picture in my hand I realized I was about to lose it emotionally and here we had two kids with us...mine and hers. I tried everything I could to not cry but I just lost it. The look on her face made me feel so bad because it was a happy moment, I have just been super emotional after having Maddy. I was completely shocked she was carrying twins and I've never known anybody personally to carry them so I was excited to be involved in this journey. I found out this week that both babies are boys. I am so happy for her and just had to share the exciting news :)

I had last Thursday and Friday off. I had forgotten about having Thursday off, technically I was supposed to be off all week but I cancelled it all except Thursday and Friday. I had to keep Friday because Maddy's daycare was closed for Good Friday, due to having an inservice day.  I had made so many plans throughout the week, but as the day went on I realized I needed to drop a lot of my plans. I did not get to sleep Wednesday night until around 1:30 a.m. I needed to wake up at 6:45 to get my last few minutes of work done. Before I went to bed I realized I didn't have something that was kinda important and I would need to run to the store before getting started on work. I set my alarm for 5:55 a.m. (yes, on my day off lol) but Maddy had other plans. This is the second time she has done this and I feel so bad for her. I woke up to her screaming/crying. She tries so hard to calm down and stop but whatever is going on (nightmares probably) she is just petrified. The first time this happened I sat straight up and ran to her. This time it honestly took a second for me to realize what was going on. In trying to figure out what was happening I knocked over my mello yello can from the night before and just kinda stumbled out of bed. This scream was not so much an I need you right now...it was more of an I'm disoriented type of scream so I think that's why it took me a minute to figure out what was going on. Anyways, so I lay in her bed with her for a while. I got scared cause I had no sense of time and there were some work things i HAD to take care of before I left for the day. I was glad I got up because I was running behind as usual. I didn't get to the store until 6:30 and then didn't get home until 7:15, which only gave me 15 minutes to process a really hard claim on top of meeting production. By the time I was done it was 7:40 a.m. Usually by that time we are getting ready to head to the kitchen for some breakfast while I fix her hair, so I rushed into her room while at the same time trying to stay calm. She handled everything very well and just went with my crazy speed. She's used to hearing me say, "We gotta hurry, we're late!" I think I got her ready, hair included, in record time that morning to be honest lol. Once I get her hair fix, I get myself semi ready. It usually just includes brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and running a brush through my hair. Because I was so tired the night before I did not pack my stuff, which meant I had to do that in the morning and I had no idea how to get it all done and still get Maddy to school on time. I think I was seriously running the whole morning. After I got myself ready I was able to throw my stuff in my backpack/floor and put it near the front door. I scooped Maddy up and went flying out the door. I have no idea how we did it, but we managed to not be real late to school. After I dropped her off I realized I left something of hers in the car that she would need that day. I had to weigh out my options and decided to just not bother going back in because it wasn't a life threatening situation. After I got all that done I headed to the gym to meet up with my mom. I was determined to get a good workout in. Unfortunately there were no classes we could take, so we hit up the what I think is an eliptical...I have no idea what it is but it's like you are running but it's so smooth. We set the timer for 30 minutes and within the first few minutes I could tell that was gonna be one killer workout. I was proud I made it all the way through with no stopping...I've really been working on my running here lately. I was disappointed however, that after the end of my workout I didn't quite burn enough calories to match that of a can of mello yello. I felt so discouraged after that because I gave it everything I had and went as fast as I could without losing steam...I had like 1000 strides or so and my pace stayed anywhere from 52-62 a minute I think it was. Anyways, once I got feeling back in my legs and could walk without looking like an idiot we hit up the weights. We laughed so hard but I think it was because we were both sleep deprived. We worked our legs and arms. I thought the day was going to turn around and be ok, but I found out later I was wrong. After I got ready we went to Kohl's to look for an Easter dress for me. I learned on that day that I am officially old because I did not like ANY of the juniors outfits this year, but on the other hand the women's section was too grandma-ish for me so I don't know what I am lol. After Kohl's we went to Belk. I finally found a dress I liked and a cardigan to go with it. I purchased it without trying it on and was ready to go eat some Sweet Frog. On our way out the alarms went off. I thought it was the people next to us, but regardless I was waiting for an associate to come look. Nobody ever came and people just stared. We decided to go ahead and leave because we knew we didn't steal. Something tells me to look through the bag just to make sure. I was just telling my mom that it would be ok if it was on the dress, but my luck it would be on the cardigan and as I pull out the cardigan I discovered it was on there and the alarm went off because the lady didn't remove the tag thingy. I was so embarrassed. I also found there was this pretty big stain on the bottom of the dress. It reminded me of mild sauce from Taco Bell. There was no disguising the stain either so not only did I have to walk back in the mall and set the alarm off again, I was now having to find a whole new dress and that was a big deal because I had already looked everywhere I knew to. I get my money back and here we go back to square one. We hit up Penny's again and I found something I could live with, the only problem was it was too short for my comfort. It hit right above my knee but after having Maddy my modesty has really flaired. I almost can't wear shorts or even sleeveless shirts...I make myself but it's very uncomfortable for me. I almost didn't get the dress but I had the bright idea to just buy some brown leggings to go under it. With the dress purchased we hit up the Sweet Frog. I am in love with that place! We were supposed to get make overs at Bare Minerals in the mall, go to Wal-Mart for groceries, and I wanted to go hunt for Maddy a dvd player for the car and me a gps for our Florida trip that is coming up. By the time we were done with our yogurt we were pretty much out of time. I was going to try to grab me a pair of shoes and get my leggings but there was just no way. It doesn't sound too horrible I know, but it was just like everything was going wrong that day and what I had planned is not at all what happened. I really enjoyed my day off and was so ready to pick up Maddy. Stay-at-home moms still have bad days, but I'd still rather have a bad day as a stay-at-home mom compared to a bad day at the office. I don't have a lot of pics to go with this post, but it needs something so I will post what I can find.

Easter

Happy Easter!!! I am so very thankful that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and then three days later he rose up from the grave. The Easter bunny visits this house and will for as long as she believes, but I try my best to explain Easter to her in a way that she understands. One tradition I grew up with and I'm sure many others did as well, is getting a new Easter dress to wear to church on Easter Sunday. This year Maddy picked her own dress out. I was unable to get a real good pic of it because today was kind of hectic lol. When Maddy woke up this morning it was just like any other morning to her, so I had to help her out and talk to her about the Easter bunny coming to visit her and leaving her a present. She looked really confused lol. I decided to leave her in pj's while she checked out her basket and as you will see did not fix her hair. I will never tell her she has to sit there and get fixed up before she can get to see what she has.

I realize these are fourth of july pj's, but I am learning more and more every day that the "Miss Independence" phrase is totally Maddy. She is one more independent girl and things better go the way she thinks they should when she thinks they should or look out.

I had to paint my nails this morning because I fell asleep last night without doing so. I painted them in Maddy's room and she sat and watched and asked lots of questions. I put the polish up and a few seconds later I noticed Maddy was in her mood and it dawned on me that she was wanting me to paint her nails. She sat super still while I painted her toes and they turned out so good. Thank goodness I had the quick dry kind because they dried in no time. We took pictures of all the kids in their dresses (my sister and her family came up to eat lunch with us and let her kids participate in the Easter egg hunt), but I don't have them just yet. Once I can get to them I will update this post. All the kids looked really pretty/handsome. Maddy did not want to stand up so I ended up in all the pics..oh boy haha. For lunch we had pork chops, mashed potatoes, Hawaiian rolls, macaroni and cheese, and green beans. My mom made a yummy cake for dessert

 The colors were better in person...this was the best representation I could get on my camera. After lunch I changed Maddy again into her egg hunting outfit. I was so excited for her to try on a tutu and I'm in love with how it looked on her. Trying to get her to smile was impossible. She has been battling allergies since Friday morning and I think they have her feeling pretty icky. I will be posting about that sometime throughout the week. This was the best I could do...I still think she's pretty even without her smile :)

We headed out to play after trying to get her to smile. I got tickled at her because she had to stuff her tutu into her car and it just reminded me of a bride stuffing in her wedding dress. Thank goodness it was just a tutu and not a wedding dress

Once everybody was done eating we rounded up the kids for the Easter egg hunt. My sister was giving a few instructions before we let them go outside...Maddy listened very intently.

It was so cute. We thought we missed some eggs because our count wasn't coming out right. We kept telling Maddy to go find more eggs. Next thing I know she looked at me and said, "Be right back!" and she sat her basket down and headed inside. She came back out with her hands full of eggs she received from the Easter bunny and so proudly shouted, "I found more!!" She went back in for another round and then we realized we had all the eggs so it was time to dig in and see what was in them. After the egg hunt I took Maddy in one more time to change her clothes so she could play in comfort. Maybe fifteen minutes into her playing she was trying take off running to her car from the driveway and she ended up tripping and just fell so hard on her knees. Maddy does not cry when you would think she would...she really is a super tough girl and just picks herself right up and says I'm ok and carries on usually. When I saw/heard her fall I knew there was going to be instant tears. I expected to hear screaming, but she held it in and just cried and was trying to get some relief for her knees. I ended up just scooping her up and just felt so bad for her because for Maddy to cry like she was...I knew she was in some pain. We put neosporin(?) with the stuff for pain in it and then put band-aid's over both knees. She eventually said she was ok and went back to playing. It didn't even take a minute before she was crying saying her knees hurt. I just thought that yucky stomach bug made me feel helpless...this boo boo made me feel super helpless because she wanted to cuddle, but she couldn't because she was in so much pain and the look on her face looked like she was saying why aren't you helping me. She kept pulling her shorts down and just holding her knees. When she walked she would walk hunched over. She would not sit down. She would not play...she tried...but the pain was just too much. I tried taking the band-aid off but she would not let me. I tried taking her shorts off and again she would not let me. She didn't want her back rubbed or to be touched but she just kept crying saying, "owwww" and looking at me like get off my bed and do something! When she was just crying almost hysterically I just put her head in my face and loved on her through my hands. She liked that and let me stay there. To beat it all she had no nap today so she was also super tired. I wasn't able to give her a bath because her knee looks pretty bad. It looks a little swollen to me and I contemplated all day on whether I should take her to the doctor to get checked out just in case she messed something up on the inside. Getting her ready for bed took two to three people. I decided instead of forcing her to get her diaper changed and all that good stuff I would let her tell me when she was ready. I was beginning to think she would never give in, but she was exhausted and ready to go to sleep and in her own time she let me get her ready...with distractions of coarse. When it was time to get in bed she just sat on the edge of her bed. She tried a couple of times to scoot back in her bed, but she quickly came back to the edge of the bed and I left her sitting up. She somehow managed to go to sleep and has only woken up once. It will be interesting to see in the morning where I find her. If she still is in a lot of pain tomorrow then I am going to take her to the doctor because a scrape shouldn't cause that much pain...not to sit down and bend/straighten it. She kept trying to keep her foot off the ground, but I know her feet and ankles are okay because I was able to see them. Anyways. Our Easter kinda started out a little rough and instead of getting better it kinda got worse. I'm glad she was able to have some fun and get through the egg hunt but I feel so bad for her getting hurt like she did :(

Vacation 2012

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I'm so excited because vacation season is coming up. This year me and Maddy are blessed to take two trips down to Florida. My mom and step dad are vacationing in Panama City Beach, FL the week of May 18. They found this amazing condo down there 3-4 years ago at Treasure Island. I recently found out that they wanted to share the first weekend there with me and Maddy. I don't know a whole lot of details about the trip other then when we leave and when I will be coming back. We are tentatively leaving around 4:00 a.m. Saturday morning. My step dad is all about the food on vacation so we will be stopping at Shoney's along the way to enjoy the yummy breakfast bar I'm sure. I'm thinking we will arrive in Panama around 1 or 2 p.m. and since we can't check in until 3 or 4 p.m. I think we might be hitting up the water park first. I've taken Maddy to Florida once before and she really did quite well on the drive down there. Since she is a year older and at that stage where long car rides get more difficult I am going to be getting her a portable dvd player and bring along all her movies. Her friends at school must really love Barney because out of nowhere she has been wanting everything Barney. I have a few Veggie Tales music cd's for the car, but I also want to get some Barney music as well. I've been working with Maddy on sharing the music because she is so used to getting whatever she wants when it comes to music. Once I found out we would be traveling to Florida and the fact that my sanity could not handle "bob" or "barney" music for 7 hours, I decided to work on her sharing the radio. On the way home now we listen to mommy's music for half the trip and then switch over to Maddy's music the rest of the way. She didn't like that in the beginning but here lately she's learned to ask, "We listen to Bob in a minute?" Our second trip is my real vacation. We will be hitting up Panama City Beach for a second time to enjoy some mommy and Maddy time. We will be staying at the Holiday Inn Resort on the beach. I posted pics of this last year here. This hotel has everything including it's own little mini mart that is no more overpriced than a gas station. Need a late night snack? They got ya covered. Need diapers or floats...no problem. They also have the fun little water park for the kids even if the water is freezing cold lol. I just love the fact that really I wouldn't HAVE to leave the hotel for anything unless I just wanted to. There are two restaurants in the hotel, but we will be going out to eat some because I'm one that loves to explore the town.We are leaving for our vacation on June 17th and will be staying 6-7 days.