Here's To Hoping

As you all know I have been dealing with some things that I don't feel is the right time to share...mainly because there isn't anything happening that is definite, just gut feelings. I have also felt as if it just isn't the right time and I don't want to say anything until I know the time is right. Me and Maddy met up with one of my friends this weekend and her son who is only 3 months older than Maddy. I used to say her son and Maddy had to marry each other because I would love to officially make her my family, but we haven't really been able to stay close. I enjoyed meeting up with her and catching up but I also left feeling slapped in the face. I can't help but wonder what God's reasoning for us meeting up is/was. This post goes hand in hand with my everything happens for a reason post. I know that God didn't have us meet for me to get hurt and now I am having a hard time focusing on things I really can't afford to lose. I don't know if I am giving up or if there's something more to how I feel. Last time I felt like I do right now I ended up being right...I went into labor with Maddy unexpectedly. I'm hoping something is in the works right around the corner and my temporary misery can be stopped, but I also have to realize that what I think might be fixing to happen may not. This week in particular I am having a rough time keeping up the fight and that scares me. As someone recently pointed out to me I am not a quitter. I try to give my all in everything I do, but right now I am failing that. I know this post may not entirely make sense to people, but it makes perfect sense to me lol. I really do hope that I can come back one day and tie all these posts together and explain more about what I am talking about. Right now I just need to let some of my feelings out so I can go about my business until more feelings get bottled up. I just feel different this week...moreso than any other week and in one sense it excites me because I am thinking that maybe something good is right around the corner, but it also scares me because it might not be...I just may be giving up the fight. Time will tell. Maddy is having a rough night and I told her I would be back so I better go check on her and get her Valentine's day present ready. That post will be tomorrow or if I am up tonight I will go ahead and post tonight when I get done :)