Thank You...

As I was working tonight, I was thinking about what I would blog about tonight. I actually had a topic picked out that talked about addiction. I decided against that topic for now because I'm just not ready to go down that road. After working a little longer, it hit me that I had feelings I had never even thought about. I guess I took a step back and looked at where I have come from and where I am today. A whole lot has happened in a month's time and I am apparently growing as a person without realizing it. Trust is a very hard thing for me. I have allowed my past to harbor feelings of distrust and fear and even some anxiety. When I start a new relationship I do trust so to speak. I know I have no reason not to trust them unless they end up doing something that breaks trust. I am scared when I start a new relationship because I don't want to get hurt in any way, so I keep my guard up. Once something is done that breaks any form of trust with me...the relationship may as well be over. It would take a very strong and patient man to stay with me once they lose my trust. I have come to realize that through the help of some of you guys I am slowly but surely starting to let my guard down and start to trust even if it's just a tiny little bit. This is a huge break through for me because I have been trying to work on this for years. I still have a long ways to go on this issue, but I am very excited over the progess that has been made. I realized tonight that I am starting to feel a little more free and I can't tell you what kind of smile that has put on my face. I am learning to be me and I know that if somebody wants to lie to me or do something they know would hurt me then that is on them and I am not going to let it rule me anymore. If you are that type of person that lies and tries to hurt other people then I really don't need you in my life. I have situations in life right now that for the most part I trust but I have my moments of distrust and I begin to question why I have them in my life because it's the type of feeling you just don't ignore..kinda like woman's intuition. I am starting to feel that I have a great support system and yes a lot of it is through facebook and you guys that read my blog. I have received some very encouraging words from you guys and you all have listened to me whine and complain and have heard me talk about some really hard times in my life and not once has anything negative or bad been said to me. I just wanted to share this with you all because you all have played a part in helping me transform into a better person. The Lord has just been right here holding my hand every step of the way and I trust Him a whole lot more now than i did a month ago. I do feel God is preparing me for something and for quite some time now I've had thoughts that God was preparing me to get fired. So far I have not been fired and I really really hope he doesn't allow that to happen, but if He does I know that He has equipped and prepared me to trust fully in Him. If I end up fired and you guys hear me freaking out because I don't know how to provide for Maddy, please remind me that the Lord has it under control and remind me of what I said on this post lol. If me being fired is not what He is preparing me for, then I am really excited or anxious to know what it is. I better get started on my school work now. Again, thank you all for being my support system and helping me in times of need...I really appreciate it more than you know :)