Labor Of Love

It seems that everybody is pregnant these days. I don't mean that to sound like a bad thing, it's a very exciting thing. I have struggled here and there ever since Maddy was around 10 months of wanting another baby. I'm not in a position to be having another one right now, or maybe ever for that matter...only the Lord knows that one. In the meantime, I'm enjoying hearing of everybody's pregnancy stages and I find myself reflecting back on when I was pregnant with Maddy. My pregnancy didn't seem to go the way I envisioned being pregnant would. In the beginning it did because once I got over the shock that I was indeed pregnant, I found myself beaming with happiness. There was nothing going to bring me down in the beginning. I didn't have a whole whole lot of sickness when I first found out. I remember wanting to get sick at least once cause that meant it really was real. The very first time I did get sick I will never forget. It was on a Saturday morning and after it happened I just smiled. I know that sounds really weird, but I was still not really grasping the fact that I was pregnant. I seemed to stay in a shock state for a little bit, but I was able to be in a shock/happy state as well. I ended up showing really early because I wanted to make sure to eat enough in order to maintain the pregnancy and keep baby safe. I remember being so anxious to really have the pregnancy belly in the early stages of pregnancy. The funny thing is, once I couldn't fit into my regular clothes anymore, which was right around 4 months, I kinda felt sad. I guess it's just one of the joys of being pregnant. I had morning sicknes..aka...all day sickness...up until my 2nd trimester. The sickness was pretty rough. There were times I felt like I was going to pass out and it freaked me out a lot. I also got extremely tired in the beginning stages of pregnancy. Once the sickness wore off I was able to enjoy a little bit of the pregnancy. It didn't take long though before I started getting real uncomfortable and felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stand up for any length of time or the world would start spinning, I couldn't catch my breath, and I felt real shaky. I'm really not sure why I felt that way unless it really was the fact that my body couldn't handle the weight gain. I gained the maximum amount of weight they want you to gain, which is 35 lbs. I was happy with that while I was pregnant cause I've heard of people who gain a whole lot of weight with their first and then never can lose it. I guess I thought my weight would just fall right off by itself or something, but newsflash, it didn't!It took me up until Maddy was 13 months to finally get down to my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm still struggling a little with my weight as well as getting my body toned back up. I know this post seems really random...welcome to my head lol...but I've been contemplating posting something similar to this for a few days now. I was even going to talk solely about my having baby blues on tonight's post, but decided not to because I really don't want to hear people tell me all the reasons why I don't want to have another baby right now. I already know how hard it would be having 2 babies to look after and I remember how miserable I felt during pregnancy and how much sleep I'd lose and the list goes on. I left off the most important reason...I'm not married. I always said before I had Maddy that I was going to be the different one and do things right...well, I failed. Even though I failed, God still showed me in pregnancy and delivery that He still cared about me and the things that mattered to me. I stood in awe of the different ways I saw Him work throughout my pregnancy. The most amazing one of all was the day Maddy was born. Most first time mom's when they find out they are pregnant have nightmares or have fears of what labor is going to feel like...not me. My fear and my nightmares consisted of getting that stupid IV. I didn't care what labor felt like in the beginning, but I stressed and worried all day and all night about getting an IV. I have a major fear of needles. I was supposed to be induced on September 24 at 6 a.m. My prayer had been from the minute I found out I was pregnant that I would go naturally and that God would help me get through the IV whether I didn't have to have one or they would numb it or whatever the scenario could be. On September 22nd I started having some major discomfort but not where I thought I would if I were in labor. We went out to Cracker Barrel that night for dinner. I had had my last doctor appointment before baby came. Towards the end of dinner I had some pain shoot through that put me on the edge of my chair. I felt like jumping up and screaming, but knew I couldn't do that. I had no idea what was going on, but labor was nowhere in the back of my mind. It only happened every so often. We went on to Wal-Mart and as my step dad was trying on clothes it happened again. It seems like I told my mom that I was hurting in a weird place but I may have just kept it to myself. By the time we got home the pains had pretty much stopped. I did feel pressure in my stomach but I thought it was due to something else and so I just thought if I could curl up and get to bed it'd be better the next day. So 11 p.m. the pressure has kicked up a lot and I didn't feel like I could get to sleep. I forced myself to go to sleep and sleep I did until 1 a.m. when I woke up in severe pain. Labor still had not even crossed my mind cause it was not the type of pain I envisioned labor being. There was no going back to sleep so I decide to jump on myspace to try to get my mind off the pain. By this time it is 1:36 a.m. and I cannot sit at the computer anymore. Back to my bedroom I go and I realized that the pain was coming in waves. I got the bright idea to time them. I had one at 1:36 it went away by 1:37. Next one comes at 1:42...hmm...5 minutes apart. OH MAN!!! 5 minutes sounds like labor but surely this can't be labor. So, I decide to time another one. Next one happens...hmm..another 5 minutes. Nah, I'm not in labor. These are the thoughts that went through my head. If I admitted I was in labor, that meant I had no choice but to go to the hospital and get an IV. So I decide to take a bath. I can handle a whole lot of pain while in the bath. I start working on breathing just in case I was in labor and it took no time for the pain to go away. I thought it had completely stopped and by this time I'm so tired from lack of sleep as well as the heat from the tub that I decide to go back to bed. As soon as I hit the bed I have major pressure happen again. So I work through all night thinking I'd just wait to tell my mom once my step dad left for work that morning. The weird thing is something told me to grab my mom's exercise ball the night I went into labor but I was like what would I do with it in my room. Once I was in pain I was like I should have listened to my gut. Ladies, always listen to that little voice! I hear my step dad leave I guess around 5:30 or 6 a.m. so I text my mom...my text said, "When you get a minute can you come here?" I wait for what seems like an eternity, but it was only 30 minutes. I couldn't stand the pain much longer so I decide to call her. I told her I thought I was in labor and she's like ok we need to call the doctor. I was like but I might not be in labor and I explain how I feel and she's like you are in labor. By this time I am really panicking on the inside. I decided to wait a long while before I actually picked the phone up and called the doctor. I believe I called around 7:15 a.m. and answer the questions and she confirmed that yes, I was in fact in labor and to go to the hospital. Being in labor when contractions are 2-3 minutes apart and walking or riding in a car is no fun at all. I so wanted to stay home and just go from the tub to the exercise ball to my bed and alternate as frequent as needed, but my mom doesn't know how to birth a baby so I really had no choice lol. I handled labor so well on my own at home with the help of my mom. I was working through the pain which I was very proud of myself for. We get to the hospital and by this time I'm just crying so my mom asked if they could give me numbing medicine for the IV. The nurse that admitted me was wonderful and said she'd try to get me something. She did. Once I was admitted the nurses just wanted their convenience and being in labor with no epidural is not convenient to them and this one nurse told me I was inconveniencing her so I gave up on giving birth without the epidural soon after being admitted. I lost my concentration and couldn't get it back. I labored for 8 hours on my own at home and that's longer than I thought I'd last. I was between 4-5 cm dilated as well so contractions were very intense. Once the epidural was in...which was around 10:45 things started going downhill. I was told my blood pressure was almost bottoming out and then Maddy's heart rate wasn't doing so good either. I knew something wasn't right but I felt so out of it that I just laid there. They ended up having to put in an internal monitor cause they said they were having a hard time keeping up with baby the other way. So she puts it in and there is nothing. She has a look on her face that scared me half to death. No matter what she did she wasn't getting anything or it was very faint. She finally decides to check me and was like oh my goodness no wonder we can't get baby's heart rate...you're ready to push lol. whew...everything is going to be a ok. Once pushing began after half way through the nurse got a really scary look on her face that told me something was wrong. I can't remember everything that was said, but something was said and then she looked like something was wrong and I just start crying. She asked if she scared me and I didn't want to make her feel like it was her fault and I just said I'm just very emotional right now. After an hour of pushing Madison Paige was finally born. She was born at 3:01 p.m. and weighed in at 6lbs 2 oz. and was 19" long. When she was born she didn't cry and they had to immediately take her as she had passed miconium before delivery. It seemed like forever before I finally heard her cry. Once I heard her cry I just relaxed as much as possible and once it hit me everything that had happened I just started crying once again. I was told that they had to use a cpap on her to help her breath but luckily she turned out just as healthy as can be. If you are expecting I just want to say congratulations! You are about to embark on an amazing journey with your child. Maddy is the best thing that has happened to me and I thank God every day for her. She is my blessing and I love her more than words can say. I have to post this now as my battery is dying. I will re-read this later tonight or tomorrow to make sure it makes sense and flows as much as can be.