Dreams Come True

Today has been one more emotional day for me. This week I have been so stressed out at work. Work volume for me has been super low, which isn't good when you are in a production environment. I have cried out to God and prayed that He would help me in this rough time. I can't do it on my own that's for sure. I have been thinking of going back to school for the last 2 years. Actually, right before I found out I was pregnant...I was considering going back to get my child's psychology degree. Once I found out I was pregnant I quickly let go of that dream because with a new baby on the way plus work, the last thing I needed was a whole bunch of debt as well as something to take my time. I was completely ok with that because I have always dreamed of being a mom, only my dream was me being married and doing things God's way. Once Maddy turned a year old I tried getting back in school. My plan was to do an online program through Chatt State and go as far as I could in early childhood education. My FAFSA was processed and I paid the application fee and everything. Only problem is I had to go in to take a placement test before I could do anything else. That posed a problem for me because I didn't have anybody that would take care of Maddy for me so I could go or so I could finish up my work so my dreams of starting my own daycare got let down and life went on. Recently I started thinking about going back to school, except this time I decided to look into University Of Phoenix. To my surprise they have an all online teaching degree. I got so excited and immediately renewed my FAFSA and tried to fill out an application. Either I am not so smart or they make it to where you can't fill out an application unless you have an advisor helping you. I dismissed the idea again of going back to school, until today. My day got started off rough cause I had to log in earlier than I should have in order to try to get most of my time done today. I had absolutely no work and when you ask for work like you are supposed to, the lady that gives you work acts like you shouldn't be needing any work and it feels like I have to pull teeth to get anything. I had a weird number call my phone and it looked somewhat familiar..I actually thought it was Maddy's doctor or something for Maddy so I decided to answer. I NEVER answer numbers I don't know but when I did today I was greatly surprised to hear who it was. It was my enrollment advisor. At first I was like oh great..I never should have answered this call cause I am on production and already am struggling so I sat there and listened and rolled my eyes and was fully prepared to just get off the phone. I ended up listening and decided to take it serious. I asked the questions I had which weren't that many and the rest of the hour or so I spent listening to him try to sell me on their school. Little did he know that I did all my research of the school before even attempting to apply so he could have saved his spill. I honestly think he truely was trying to keep me on the phone as long as possible to keep him from having to do other work..he did mention that. So half way through the phone call, I heard this little voice say, "This is from me" I can't remember verbatim what was said but basically it was God letting me know that what was happening was a God thing. When I realized I just started smiling and almost told him to please just go through the application process right then and right there. I didn't because it's a little overwhelming when I stop and think about it and if I think about the big picture it will cause me to shut down because I see so many huge hurdles I will have to jump over to reach my dream. Before I go into more detail about my dream I just want to say that my advisor is supposed to be calling me Tuesday at 2:00 to fill out the application and any other steps involved in enrolling at the school. I just ask that you please say a prayer for me. I hate talking on the phone number 1 but number 2 this is a new beginning/new chapter in my life and whereas I welcome the change, I still get very nervous over change. I do the what if scenario. I'm so scared that I won't be able to juggle work, home, and school and I'm even more scared that I will not be smart enough to pass my classes. I did go to UTC for a semester right after high school and I greatly struggled with the classes. I didn't spend a lot of time studying so I'm hoping I can learn from my mistakes. Ok, so what is my dream? I have always loved kids for as long as I can remember. For the longest time, I wanted to be a teacher. I think once I reached high school I had switched my mind to wanting to be a nutritionist and that is what I went to UTC for. I think my love for kids stems from my own childhood. When I think about my childhood, I immediately feel a sense of sadness. My dad was verbally abusive to me and made me feel like I was stupid and a nobody and no matter how hard I tried to please him I couldn't. I never got the encouragement I needed and there were many times he embarrassed me in front of people. To this day I struggle with feeling like a nobody as well as other things that I choose to keep private for now. I'm not writing this as a pity party or for people to feel sorry for me. That is the last thing I want. Whereas I know what my dad did was wrong, I still see a lot of good that came from it. Ok, maybe not a lot of good, but some good. I have always wanted to work with children...small children in particular and just love on them...make them feel special...share Jesus Christ with them. I want them to know that no matter what is said or done to them, Jesus loves them for who they are and that they are not alone. What I want to do sounds more like a social worker type job, however, there is no way I could handle being a social worker because I would stay in a constant state of depression. I actually watched a movie today called "The Christmas Hope" that was about a social worker and I cried like a baby throughout the whole movie..right off the bat it makes you cry and it's the type of movie that you just don't stop crying after that first sad moment. Ok back on topic here lol. I knew I didn't really want to be a teacher. For some reason I stayed stuck on working in a daycare. I've never worked in a daycare because everybody knows daycare workers don't get paid very much and I need a job that is going to meet the needs of my bills. After having Maddy and putting her in daycare, I have obviously become a lot more familiar with the daycare world. I have had some experiences with daycares that have made me furious. The first daycare I put her in was Kids R Kids in Hixson. It has potential to be a wonderful facility, but the director is young and just doesn't really care. They have cameras all over the building so you can see what goes on with your child, which is why I chose them. The teacher in Maddy's class chose to stand around and talk to the next door teacher all day and didn't seem to pay attention too much with the kids. There was no interaction with any of the babies other than to move them to a new center or to feed or change them. The teacher never smiled or gave Maddy any tummy time. They also didn't feed Maddy properly meaning they didn't give her enough time to finish her bottle. I ended up pulling her out of that daycare because the lack of care being given was not worth $185 a week. She is currently in Tree Of Knowledge Learning Center. That facility is like top dog as far as what they offer. It is a christian based daycare and I love the information they gave me on their facility, but they too are lazy in their jobs. I will say the director does care a lot more than Kids R Kids director did. In that sense Tree Of Knowledge is much better. There is interaction with the kids from the teachers. I'm still not that happy with them though. If I'm going to pay them $196 a week..I expect wonderful things from them. I don't feel her teacher's put forth 100% effort. Maddy got her fingers smushed in a closet and she still has scabs on her 2 fingers from that and I was told there was 3 teacher's in that room when it happened. The center itself isn't always up to code in their licensing. What I mean is they don't do or have what they are supposed to have according to their STARS license or whatever that is called. They play favorites...if you are a favorite parent then your child gets taken care of better than if you aren't. They do treat new parents with great attention but once you aren't new anymore you're either a favorite or you're not. Basically that facility isn't being all they could be. I want to provide a daycare where the workers are not lazy, where there is an excellent curriculum in place, that is christian based and the kids truly were treated as if they were our own. I want to provide a top notch, loving daycare that boosts self esteem and is a happy, positive experience. Whereas I am just now getting into school, it's still a step towards seeing my dream become a reality. I am asking for your prayers in this endeavor. I can't put into words all that I want to do, mainly because it deals with emotions and I can't make this sound how I really feel inside, so it'll be one of those things where I hope I can show you later on. Kids are my passion...always have been, always will be.